[confusedme12]

I think I'm bipolar. I made an appointment to see a psychologist but there's a long wait, so I need to confess my sins in the meantime because I feel as if I'm going to explode. I've done destructive things to myself and my family, and I don't know how to stop. I have all the classic symptoms - manic/depressive episodes - spending sprees, racing thoughts, inability to concentrate, self-sabotage, etc..

One of the worst things I've done is having an affair with a single guy. I'm married. It's been going on for a year now. I find myself doing risky things with him like hugging and kissing him in public, even in areas near where I live, where we could very easily be spotted by family and friends. I don't know what's wrong with me. That's so unlike me. I used to be super cautious about everything. The thing is I love my husband and I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I can't stop. It's like a compulsion. I think I genuinely care about the other guy, but I wonder if I'm with him mostly because I like the risk taking aspect of it. Sometimes he accuses me of that, esp. when I push for public display of affection. What's missing from my marriage is romance, which I can get from the other guy. My husband isn't the romantic type. He tried to be but couldn't. I'm so confused! I'm generally a loving person, so I can't believe I can do something so heartless. I should feel utterly guilty, but I obviously don't feel guilty enough to stop. It's like I'm 2 different people. I don't get it, and it's starting to affect my marriage since I'm more withdrawn sexually since I want to be with the other guy more in that way.

Thanks for listening! Just being able to confess online has helped a lot. Please feel free to give me your thoughts or advice. Thanks!

[lunaticfringe]

I don't have a lot of advice other than to make an appt with a psychiatrist as well and tell them everything you listed here.

I did almost the exact same thing. I had a prolonged and very risky affair, Just wanted you to know you're not alone and if you are in fact bipolar, getting on the right medication will help put a stop to these behaviors.

[ChaoticSymphony]

A year? Sorry hun but you can't blame bipolar for that :/

Maybe the initial cheating but now you're just a cheater. Never look for answers about your marriage in another man. Give your hubs an opportunity to please you the way you need and if that doesn't work it might be time to separate. I can tell you are a good person because you show remorse so can only imagine the emotional turmoil you must go through daily. Throw bipolar on top of that and you my dear have created the perfect storm.

You need an action plan. Address one thing at a time and get your life back on track. You can be happy guilt free in this life.

[BipolaRNurse]

Get thee to a psychiatrist ASAP. You are playing with fire and are apt to get seriously burned. But you need to realize that impulsiveness related to bipolar is one thing; a full-blown affair that's lasted a year is not impulsive but deliberate. Even if it turns out you are bipolar, you can't blame it for all bad behavior---you are still responsible for your actions.

Please, if you care about your marriage at all, end the affair NOW and get into couples counseling with your husband to work on the issues you've mentioned here. Best of luck.

[Resident Bipolar]

Yeah, I'm going to third what Nurse and Chaotic said. A year-long affair is not mania. Perhaps it was originally a manic episode when you started but continuing to do it is because you're, in fact, cheating willingly.

You fully know that what you're doing is wrong. Bipolar Disorder isn't an excuse for what you do wrong. We all have to accept our mistakes.

Sorry but you need to tell your husband and either leave him or stop the affair immediately. It is cheating, a betrayal of trust and is at someone else's expense. He does not deserve that, and there is nobody else to blame except yourself and perhaps the person you're having an affair with.

To me, it sounds like a relationship issue and not a psychiatric illness. That's from what you've said. It really doesn't look as though you nearly match the diagnostic criteria for a Bipolar diagnosis going from what you've written, and that's my unprofessional advice. None of us can diagnose you and neither can we excuse your behaviour for you.

[chameleon_jogirl]

It appears that you're riding on a runaway train and the wreckage awaiting you may not be avoided.
If I were you, I'd start taking steps now to minimize the damage and fallout.
Seeking medical assistance is paramount right now and it's true that you can only blame bipolar for so much. Ultimately you are responsible for your choices and actions, also unfortunately you'll have to live with them.
I hope you can get your life under control, get healthier, stop hurting your husband and yourself.
I'm not a religious person but I've witnessed karma too many times to ignore it's existence.
When it does come around try to remember that this too shall pass and when you're healthier, try to be available to help others. Bring back the balance a little and restore your well being also. I wish you well and wellness.

Its people like this who claim bipolar for personality traits that give us that really suffer a bad name.

Too tired, you need therapy first, so good step in the right directions booking the psychologist.

[lunaticfringe]

I think this should be a place for support and not shaming each other for being honest.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by confusedme12

I think I'm bipolar...... so I need to confess my sins in the meantime because I feel as if I'm going to explode.... I've done destructive things to myself and my family, and I don't know how to stop.....

One of the worst things I've done is having an affair with a single guy. I'm married. It's been going on for a year ... The thing is I love my husband and I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I can't stop...... What's missing from my marriage is romance,............ Just being able to confess online has helped a lot......

I hate to sound like an hard *** but.. you do not love your husband,,you do know how to stop...a year long tells me the marriage is dead..confessing makes you feel good but does nothing to change the fact you are a cheating spouse will no desire to be any different....I hear no remorse no wish to save your marriage just a selfish desire to feel better about yourself...I hear nothing BP in that...just a spoiled child...

I believe you are heading in the right direction by seeing a professional about your behaviors. You mentioned you have mania, racing thoughts, etc. do you also suffer with very low periods and depression? How does your depression feel? (If you have it)

I'm not here to shame you, but I'm a believer in being honest about affairs. I know some people think it's selfish to confess, but I believe it's a health issue. Your husband should know that he now needs to be checked for disease. Condoms can break. Again, I don't say this to shame (I'm no saint so I'd feel ridiculous chastising anyone)

It sounds like you know you are on a path to destruction. Please stick with your plan to get some help. If it turns out you have bipolar, meds can help ease your urges and impulses to do some of the destructive things you may have done. If it turns out its something else, a therapist can help you make sense of it all.

Good luck to you and your husband. I wish you both the best.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Confusedme12

Thank you for introducing yourself to us.

Welcome to Psych Central.

This is a great place to be for online support.

There are a number of Forums here at Psych Central that you are free to browse around. Consider this like your personal Library. Nobody knows what you are looking at really. I could be busy reading Charlie Brown and the Chocolate Factory Book right now paging through the Chapter on Oompa Loompas and you wouldn’t know.

Unfortunately during mania we do tend to make decisions that may not necessarily serve in our best interests. I've done silly things when manic like superglue coffee cups all over the place Just seemed like the logical thing to do.

I can understand how what you have done impacts you.

You are now coming out of your episode and reflecting on these behaviours that occured whilst manic.

There forums may also be of benefit to you whilst you process this:

STEPS TO A BETTER SELF ESTEEM FORUM:

Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central

COPING WITH EMOTIONS FORUM

Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central

http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...-emotions.html

RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION FORUM:

Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

Take care.

[ChaoticSymphony]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

I think this should be a place for support and not shaming each other for being honest.

I agree and I hope I didn't come off as being anything but supportive. I apologize if I did, sorry. I guess I take the same approach with others that I recognize myself needing...Brutal honesty. I trust you know what you need to do and should do but it's hard because stopping ourselves from doing something that feels good isn't easy for many people.

A therapist will help you transition back to your old self sans side guy. I am not saying to stop for your husband but for yourself. It's blatantly obvious it's hurting you. Goes against your morals Blah blah ect ect. Hiding an affair is just as shameful as when I used to hide the bottle. I've done both so no judgement here.