I feel like my relationship is doomed

I don't know to write this without it being ridiculously long so I really hope that someone is willing to read through it. I really need some advice, or even just some support.

About six months ago I moved in with a relative that I was close with because I could not afford another place to live She was helping me get things back on track and I was happier than I had been in a long time. Then I met the guy that I'm currently seeing and she started to disagree with my decisions and became way too controlling. Long story short there were a few big arguments, which I do take part of the blame for, and she told me I could no longer stay with her. I had only been dating my boyfriend for about two weeks at that time and as a result he had to deal with WAY too much drama than is acceptable two weeks into a relationship. A lot of stuff happened that I won't go into detail about, but long story short it is shocking to me that he was willing to deal with all of that.

So then I ended up having to move about three hours away from him and miraculously we are still together. I unfortunately don't have my drivers license so most of the work to see me has fallen on him. The place I am currently staying is definitely not the best environment and I've been incredibly depressed lately and he has had to deal with that. When we hang out it's amazing and I know we are both incredibly happy. He's the first person I've ever been in love with and it's really a great feeling. Most of the time it has made me very happy, even when he's not around. But lately I've been feeling completely terrified.

He told me the other night that he doesn't think his feelings for me are quite as strong as mine are for him. This is totally understandable. I form attachments to people far more quickly than the average person. I'm always the one who feels more strongly. I know he still wants to be with me, he just felt that he needed to be honest about the extent of his emotions. But even though I can understand where he's coming from I have been so paranoid since.

The thing is is that I literally have no one else in my life right now besides him. The relative that I was staying with and have been close with for my whole entire life decided that she wants nothing to do with me anymore and hasn't talked to me in four months. A couple other relatives have followed suit and I don't have any friends to speak of. Besides my mom he is the only person I am close to in my life right now. And this is so unhealthy for me. I keep imagining him ending things, even though he has told me many times that he's not going to, and it makes me want to cry for hours. I KNOW it's going to happen sooner or later. It always does. Even family members that I have been close with for all 19 years of my life have left me. How could a guy I've known for four months be the one to stick around?

I am hard enough to deal with without all the other negative circumstances; the distance, the depression over my family and my current situation. There's absolutely no way someone would willingly deal with all of this. There's nobody out there willing to deal with me, even the people I thought would always be there. This relationship is going to end and there's nothing I can do to stop it and even as he sends me sweet messages and does his best to show that he loves me all I can do is envision the inevitable ending to all of it and I just don't know what to do.

The first few months I was never scared. I felt so lucky to have him in my life and I could see things lasting a long time. Now I am just completely terrified because I'm almost positive that if he leaves me I won't survive, not when every other person in my life has already left me. I would truly have nobody left and that thought is just unbearable to me.

So I don't know what to do. I considered ending things with him before he can do so himself, but the outcome would be the same, I'd still be alone. And I really don't want to lose him. Should I try to grow less attached to him? Although I have no idea how. I just want things to go back to how they were, when I was full of optimism and not this constant sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of losing the first person I've ever really loved like this.

I know this all probably sounds so crazy and over-dramatic and I don't know if anybody will understand. I don't know if there's even any advice to be given. But I just needed to get it out there and ask because I'm so tired of feeling this way. I want my relationship to make me happy and optimistic like it used to instead of making me so paranoid and depressed. He's the same amazing guy he's been since day one so what has changed that is making me feel this way?

If anyone has been through something similar or has some advice to give I would truly appreciate it so much. I hate feeling so alone in this.

Thank you for introducing yourself to us.

Welcome to Psych Central.

This is a great place to be for online support.

There are a number of Forums here at Psych Central that you are free to browse around. Consider this like your personal Library. Nobody knows what you are looking at really. I could be busy reading Charlie Brown and the Chocolate Factory Book right now paging through the Chapter on Oompa Loompas and you wouldn’t know.

So don’t worry about what Books your Read. You are free to Browse all you like. If you feel like it, you are free to enter a Chapter in a Book in this Library that is available to you. You do this by Creating a Post. Research has shown that those who choose to actively Write gain more from their experience in online forums. You are free to choose whether you Browse or whether you Write a Chapter. If you write a Chapter, please anticipate a response to your Chapter that you have contributed towards our Magnificent Library. And in doing so you unconsciously help others Browse our Special Library too and provide members unknown Knowledge that we are not alone. There are so many just like us. We all have a different Chapter to write. Or a different Book to Read. But there are many of us here at Psych Central that keeps this Library of Knowledge alive. Thank you for being a part of this.

If you need any help or support navigating the site please feel free to contact one our Community Liaisons. We will be happy to help you.

May you find the comfort and support that you deserve.

Take care.

Hooli

BIPOLAR FORUM

Bipolar - Forums at Psych Central

Once you have made 5 posts on Psych Central you will be able to join us for weekly scheduled chats.

Check the calendar to see which chats are scheduled:

Forums at Psych Central - Calendar

BIPOLAR SUPPORT CHATS ARE EST

This event occurs every 1 week(s) on Saturday
06-01-15 to 01-01-19
08:00 PM to 09:00 PM
Peer-led support & educational group:

Bipolar Support Chat
Led by Living In Chaos
or
Hooligan and ChaoticInsanity

Please keep an eye out for Weekly Chat Announcements:

Chat Announcements - Forums at Psych Central

COPING WITH EMOTIONS FORUM

Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central

http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...-emotions.html

RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION FORUM:

Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

Welcome to PC.

Hooligan has given you some great info. I mainly want to extend a warm welcome to the community.

Hi there oblivion, first off, I'm the worlds worst advice giver on relationships because I'm on my 3rd divorce as we speak. But allow me to make some observations?

Where you said that he "doesn't think his feelings for me are quite as strong as mine are for him", it seems like he was simply telling you that he moves a little slower than you obviously have been, just because he said something about it. That was very, very nice of him. Men get a little nervous when things go faster then what they are comfortable with. They want to feel in control of the situation- how much control? That depends on the guy. He keeps saying he's not going anywhere. For heavens sake, he drives 3 hours to be with you. Let him lead the way. I think your reading too much into it actually, so Quit it!

Quit predicting the future!!! Or it will come true. You're getting so worked up KNOWING "it's the end" and it sounds like you've staked your entire future on it for added weight already, it's not going to end well just like you got it planned if you keep this line of thinking up! You need to chill girlfriend. I know our bipolar doesn't make it any easier, but screw the bipolar, it only makes things worse if we allow it.

Relax. Put your insecurities away. Get comfortable. Be the girl that he met and started really liking. Have fun! There's something about that girl that kept him around to drive 3 hours away to see. Don't change on him. He can pick up on the stress and fear. We all can because it affects every little thing we do or say. And you don't need to "grow less attached to him" either, just don't grow anymore. Stay where you're at and wait for him to catch up to pass and lead the way. Some guys like being led, he sounds like he's not one of them.

Y'all been together for only 5 months now? That's not a whole lot of time if you really think about it to get totally solid on each other. You're still like in the "seeing each other with exclusive dating" stage, which is not a bad place to be, but it's still close to the beginning. We need to pace this better. Now if it goes on for more than a year and a half and if he's worth keeping, then that's where I'd start nudging a little bit because we don't know if he's the totally committed type yet and we don't want to be wasting our time.

Of course, I don't know him or you or the way you two really are with each other or what his preferences are in women like he likes them needy or strong willed and if you fit that bill or not, but just basing everything I said on what I think I know, like I said, I'm on my 3rd divorce! Lol. Or you can say that I have plenty of experience!

Good luck Hun and may your dreams come true.

I believe what the previous poster said is dead on spot with what I was thinking. I've been with the same person for 5 years and it's not an easy task. I've learned what the pp said throughout the years.
I've been where you are only my man, at the time, was a complete total ***** face. Nevertheless, I was so anxious and depressed about us possibility breaking up.

I know the fear of being alone but we have to find a place within us to be comfortable with ourselves. It's hard to renew your mind like that but it's worth it.

One thing I find very important is to not allow your happiness to come solely from our partner. Why? Because 5years, 10years, 20years together. It doesn't matter. A relationship is constant changing for each other and ourselves. It's constant compromise, forgiveness and loyalty.

You have been with him 4months. I'lI promise you that things won't stay perky forever and if you love him the way you do, you need to find it within yourself to rationally handle those tough times.

A wise old man once told me if you go into anything thinking you will fail, you most likely will.
This is because we become the thoughts we feed the most. (Depression/mania because we tend to have a harder time controlling our thoughts.)

Focus on the positive as much as you can and enjoy your time together.

Wow, you have gotten some truly great advice on here so far! Kudos to the members. My only addition is, we all know relationships are SO hard to find. Just try being honest with him and stick it out, but be patient. As mentioned above, we already know what you have to lose, but we have no idea all that you have to gain! So the upside is much greater than the downside. Just have faith and good things will come to you. Cheers

I become like that when my BPD is rearing its ugly head, add a BP episode to it, and I'm an irrational mess accusing him of marrying the next lady that crosses the street AND asking me to be his best man.





I'm a girl


The advice to just chill out is spot on, don't make your worst fears come true, self-fulfilling prophecies are an actual thing.


I should know, I bled my bf dry and he ran for the hills.


Lucky me he decided he wants to love me crazy and all so he came back, ON CONDITION that I stop breaking up with him every three months. Or he really will believe its what I want.


THAT got my attention, because I never realized that me pushing him away and ending it "before he does" hurt him so badly. I thought he just went about living his life...


So far I've been able to bite my tongue for the past two years and haven't told him to eff off.

Not even once!





You're not alone, as is depicted in this thread, but like I said, for me its not a bipolar thing at all, its completely separate.


Learn to chill out and enjoy the now.


This is the thought process that has helped me the most, and so far, "the now" has lasted pretty long without me running interference.

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Oblivi0n. Sorry to hear you have been suffering from anxiety about relationships but glad to hear you are came to PC. Some people at PC will find a therapist will also help them sort out the roots of their life.

Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, contact your doctor or psychiatrist and tell him what is happening so you can make adjustments.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

hi oblivion
i am curious as to what it is about this relationship that has caused all those around you to jump ship? it would seem that they may have been trying to communicate danger signals to you and you have been ignoring them so they decided they wont bother with you anymore. just a hunch since you said this is why your closest relative and you fought and ended the relationship. your obssessive worry could definitely put a nail in the coffin in this relationship. i have a technique for unwanted thoughts. i have a technique i use for unwanted thoughts. i have a door at the front of my mind and one at the back of my mind. the thoughts come in the front door and the only attention i give them is to notice them long enough to escort them out the back door. they are like clouds drifting through. i do not become attached to them, the only thing i think in my head is "thats it, out the back door". i will even visualize the thought being thrown out of my mind like a bouncer throwing a drunk out of a bar.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome