poor inpulse control and being patient

Has anyone taught themselves how to be patience? I really would like to learn. I really would like to learn how to be that calm, caring person. That after I flip I'm like dang if I'd waited 2 more seconds maybe I could have seen that x was a less *****y way to handle things.

I haven't found the magic answer for patience either. My husband is getting rather tired of my losing it over the least little things that he does. But no matter what I tell myself, I still flip out the next time. I would love to learn, too.

there is a technique called STPA. let me see if i can remember all the steps to adequately tell you about it. when you are upset, imagine a stop sign, a big red stop sign before your eyes. then think of STPA.
S-stands for Stop
T- stands for think about the situation. what are different ways you can handle this situation in a calm manner where nobody gets hurt.
P- stands for pause......take a few deep breaths- a quick comeback isnt always best
A- finally, if you are certain you have chosen the best response, put it into action in a calm controlled manner. waiting until you are calm is appropriate and ok.

Take a deep breath, exhale slowly, repete 2 more times.

If still in ***** mode repete and count to 10. Repete whole process until you can think clearly.

Keep your mouth closed and breathe in through your nose for a bit. If you don't think you can keep your mouth from saying something horrible, then walk away. With your husband and son, tell them about your strategy so that they don't follow you. Once you're calmer you can either just let it go, or address it in a respectful manner.

Then there's always the "golden rule" - would you like to be treated the way that you're treating others? If the answer is no, then don't do it.

It takes a lot of conscious effort ahead of time. You have to think about what sorts of things tend to set you off - and then really decide if they're worth it. Also, think about someone else's motivation. Is it being done with the intention of pissing you off, or are the things that tend to set you off just things that can't easily be helped? How do others treat you when you do things that would piss them off?

For me, a lot of patience comes down to empathy. I have a great deal of empathy for others, so I know that if I snap at them it's just not going to help either of us and will just make them hurt more - or will lead to an argument. Being respectful is at the top of my priority list, so it stops me from snapping at people even if I am feeling snappy.

It does take a lot of conscious effort, for sure. I VERY POOR impulse control - once threw my trashcans off the side of my house, Stone Cold style. Oh those were the days! But it isn't easy to be positive or nice if you're in a negative environment.

I agree with Panda....empathy is great! I used to be one of those nitwits that would be all bent out of shape and aggravated about how I was being treated without realizing that the other person might be going through the same stuff I've been through for years. Here's what sort of works for me -

Find joy and peace in small things - cooking is always fun and something that is low stress......because burned bacon is just as good as chewy bacon!

These days, I build models in my workshop instead of drinking myself into oblivion. That teaches me patience, I can listen to my favorite music, and get lost in time for three or four hours. It helps me stay centered.

I also try to practice mini meditations at work where I just focus on my core and breathe for a few minutes.

Finally, I try to find good in every day. Where I live, it is a gloriously sunny and cool day so I have thought about it all morning. It helps my attitude which can vary greatly on any given day.

Practicing "mindfulness" is also very helpful to me but sometimes I get lost in the moment and I lose my place.

Yeah great post migs!

I've been told by nature I just want things done NOW! hehe

[others may call this impatient haha]

Sometimes I have to brainstorm with my husband if it's an important outcome I'm waiting for in order to work out what may be "reasonable" and what is me being impatient and rely on his explanation.

When it comes to wanting to eat a chocolate I see on the shelf in the supermarket store I can get very impatient waiting in the check out queue if it is too long