[JaneBeans]

Hello all,

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 last Tues so I'm just trying to learn as much as I can before my next appt where I imagine they will be prescribing meds. I went through a few days of hell where I was just a hysterical mess but these past couple days I've started to accept it. I'm still really sad about it and I'm confused and scared but eh, what are you gonna do. When I was first diagnosed I felt so, so alone and like I wanted to give up and I still feel that way at times but I'm hopeful now. I have a supportive bf and family and I am grateful for them but it just feels like no one really understands. And I mean, I've been feeling this way for years but at least now I know why. I have all this shame and guilt and these thoughts that won't stop. Another thing, I really don't want to be on meds. Drs have tried giving me meds for depression for years and I've always refused them and now I might have to. But do I really? Can I just manage this without meds? What will happen if I don't. I've never been full blown manic, as far as I know, but she diagnosed me as bipolar 1 because the hypomania has gone on for nearly a week at a time. But then does that mean that I'll eventually reach full mania? And will I eventually get Alzheimer's? I guess I'm here to sorta vent and let some of my hurt out. I can't really talk about this with my bf or family and idk how it works here. Maybe no one will even really read this.

[dshantel]

Hello welcome to psychcentral. I find this community forum to be very supportive and understanding. It is confusing at first to get the diagnosis but it does help to know what's going on inside. I understand your not wanting to take meds and not everyone has to, some people can go off meds while at baseline and manage the symptoms with scheduling, expertise and coping mechanisms they've learned with T. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. I'm no expert just another person who may share similar experiences. Also BPD us used on here in reference to borderline personality disorder and BP for bipolar disorder. Typically from what I've learned hypomania can get worse and turn into mania if left untreated. It seems as though this is a progressive disorder if left untreated. If you are BP it is good that you didn't take the anti depression meds as they make BP mania or hypomania worse without a mood stabilizer. Sorry if I'm just rambling on. Just trying to help. I don't know anything about Alzheimer's being linked though. I hope everything gets better for you.

[Gabbyr1987]

Jane I understand how you feel I have been in denial for years about it never wanted to take meds and I do believe it progresses because I got so bad it started to interfere with work, parenting, and relationships. I finally am on medication and I am going to see a therapist because I to feel even though I have my BF and parents support no one truly understands me. I am also new here and so far in just two days I have learned a lot and the people here are all open helpful friendly and non judging. And of course some one will read your posts here you can be you and we are in similar boats and wish the best for one another.

[Blue_Bird]

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi JaneBeans

Good to see you on this forum. Thank you.

Just to add personal thoughts in addition to what has already been stated quite succinctly above.

Another thing, I really don't want to be on meds. Drs have tried giving me meds for depression for years and I've always refused them and now I might have to. But do I really? Can I just manage this without meds? What will happen if I don't.

Some people do. Some people don't. I know people who are med free. And do quite well. BUT. I need to point out to you that they have VERY strong strategies in place for maintaining a lifestyle that helps achieve stability as much as "may be warranted for diagnosis" and incredibly strong support mechanisms in place for mood episodes.

I personally, will be on meds. This will not be something I shall change in the forseeable future. Simply because. I learnt first hand. How DANGEROUS it is when I fall during depression and I'm not on meds.

I've never been full blown manic, as far as I know, but she diagnosed me as bipolar 1 because the hypomania has gone on for nearly a week at a time. But then does that mean that I'll eventually reach full mania?

Okay. This confused me completely.

I am NOT a medical professional. So I state this quite firmly below on personal opinion.

You only achieve BP1 diagnosis of BP1 (as opposed to BP2) if you've had a manic episode. It's got nothing to do with the duration. So please go back to your doctor and ask for clarification.

And will I eventually get Alzheimer's?

Please discontinue watching fake Hollywood Bogus Films Immediately! Haha jk. No. You will not necessarily get Alzheimers JUST because you are Bipolar. This is not the case. Even if studies have found a loose correlation. It is definitely not true for all. At all. Please banish this fear.

Maybe no one will even really read this.

You should get responses to posts here under the Bipolar Forum.

Nice to meet you!

Welcome to PC, JaneBeans!

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I've never been full blown manic, as far as I know, but she diagnosed me as bipolar 1 because the hypomania has gone on for nearly a week at a time. But then does that mean that I'll eventually reach full mania?

Okay. This confused me completely.
...
[I]You only achieve BP1 diagnosis of BP1 (as opposed to BP2) if you've had a manic episode. It's got nothing to do with the duration. So please go back to your doctor and ask for clarification.

Yes. This is curious indeed. The only duration thing is, for example, per the DSM, that the symptoms of hypomania (for BP 2 dx) go on for *at least* 4 days. And that for BP 1 dx, the symptoms of mania go on for at least 7 days. There's no maximum number of days hypomanic symptoms are confined to (For example, I've had them go on for well over a month, and BP 2 dx).The shift in defining a state of hypomania to state of mania is by level of symptoms. (to a more extreme degree). It does not always *go* from one to the other (in fact for BP 2, it won't) If the symptoms are defined by hypomania, they remain hypomania as long as it's within the criteria for hypomania.

Not sure if I'm making sense. Should be sleeping.

[Wander]

Welcome Janebeans!! You will find a lot of information and support on this site. Please feel free to post as much as you need and/or start new threads if a particular issue concerns you. I am Bipolar 1 but not due to typical full blown manic episodes on their own but because I fall into MIXED states (hypo/mania and major depression at the same time). My mixed states include full mania and they are hell due to the extremely low mood with extremely agitated states, rapid thoughts, less sleep and sucidal ideation. Basically I am wild and out of control but also depressed. Have you ever had anything like that? It is odd your doc would label you as bipolar 2 without any sign of a manic episode. Good thing to bring up when you see them next. I am sure he/she has their reasons.

There is an adjustment period of grief, confusion and concern once diagnosed but it is a good thing as now treatment can begin and hopefully you will find relief from your symptoms.

[JaneBeans]

Originally Posted by dshantel

Hello welcome to psychcentral. I find this community forum to be very supportive and understanding. It is confusing at first to get the diagnosis but it does help to know what's going on inside. I understand your not wanting to take meds and not everyone has to, some people can go off meds while at baseline and manage the symptoms with scheduling, expertise and coping mechanisms they've learned with T. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. I'm no expert just another person who may share similar experiences. Also BPD us used on here in reference to borderline personality disorder and BP for bipolar disorder. Typically from what I've learned hypomania can get worse and turn into mania if left untreated. It seems as though this is a progressive disorder if left untreated. If you are BP it is good that you didn't take the anti depression meds as they make BP mania or hypomania worse without a mood stabilizer. Sorry if I'm just rambling on. Just trying to help. I don't know anything about Alzheimer's being linked though. I hope everything gets better for you.

Thank you so much for your reply! And for the info. I think I'm just afraid that the meds will make me feel different in a negative way. I don't know how long I've had BP for. Even as a kid I was always so anxious or depressed and there's always been so much noise in my head. I don't really know how to explain it but I guess I've always been sorta extreme as far as emotions go and I'm afraid the meds will change who I am. And I'm afraid they'll interfere with my relationship since and I've been reading that they kill your sex drive. I can handle the depression and I can probably say that right now cause I make myself forget how bad it really is, and maybe I can even handle to hypomania, but not if it'll get worse. Sorry for going and on . It's just so frustrating. I wish I could just flip a switch and make it all better.

Originally Posted by JaneBeans

I'm afraid the meds will change who I am.

They really shouldn't change who you are. This is a very common fear. Personal experience….Though creativity is absolutely central in defining "who I am" this was a concern that I simply did not have. I was in such a bad place that nothing was a concern. Drawing breath was a resented chore. Creativity had already disappeared. I had already disappeared, you know? After I got on meds (and got them sorted to the right ones and dosages for me), I discovered that not only was creativity back in its core location, but that it was more available to me. Because it was more consistently available.

Originally Posted by JaneBeans

And I'm afraid they'll interfere with my relationship since and I've been reading that they kill your sex drive.

Not always and not all of them. BF and I have both been on a same med (at different times). It had killed my sex drive. Didn't phase his one bit. That's the thing about side effects. Not everyone gets them and those that do get them can experience them to different degrees. Many times, there are side effects upon starting a med that later go away as your body adjusts.

Originally Posted by JaneBeans

I can handle the depression and I can probably say that right now cause I make myself forget how bad it really is, and maybe I can even handle to hypomania, but not if it'll get worse.

If you can actually handle them, it is possible you might not have to take meds. (Even so, would need a strong safeguard system and coping skills to manage.) It is good to take others' input regarding how you are "handling" your episodes. Sometimes we don't exactly have the most objective view on that. And you are so right -- when we're not in the midst of them, we can, if not make ourselves forget, at least minimize how bad they get. Those you trust and know you well will be able to give you the best feedback on that.

[JaneBeans]

Originally Posted by Gabbyr1987

Jane I understand how you feel I have been in denial for years about it never wanted to take meds and I do believe it progresses because I got so bad it started to interfere with work, parenting, and relationships. I finally am on medication and I am going to see a therapist because I to feel even though I have my BF and parents support no one truly understands me. I am also new here and so far in just two days I have learned a lot and the people here are all open helpful friendly and non judging. And of course some one will read your posts here you can be you and we are in similar boats and wish the best for one another.

Thank you for the kind words. Even though I'm new, I find that all of these replies make me feel so much better. And the info I'm getting is helping me keep it together.

[JaneBeans]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder

Thank you kindly for the info. I keep forgetting so I tend to just write the whole thing out now. Lol

[JaneBeans]

Hello, hello! And thank you.

[quote=Hooligan;4388114]Hi JaneBeans

Good to see you on this forum. Thank you.

Just to add personal thoughts in addition to what has already been stated quite succinctly above.
Some people do. Some people don't. I know people who are med free. And do quite well. BUT. I need to point out to you that they have VERY strong strategies in place for maintaining a lifestyle that helps achieve stability as much as "may be warranted for diagnosis" and incredibly strong support mechanisms in place for mood episodes.

Thank you so much for this. I really, really want to try to do it without medication but I don't know if that's possible for me. Knowing that others can do it gives me hope. All the the replies I've been getting here have made me change my mind about meds a bit. I'm thinking now that it'll be OK to try it out. I'm meeting with my psychiatrist on Tues, 4/14 and I want to talk to her about trying it out without meds first. My health hasn't been so great these past couple years. I had a drinking problem for years and I started gaining weight around the time that all of this started happening. I've been reading a lot on nutrition, supplements, things to avoid etc and I've been doing really well with that. I even gave up my beloved caffeine. I know that I also have to exercise which is something that I hardly ever do now. Another thing that I think might be a problem is that I work two jobs and minimum 60 hours/week. This interferes with sleep and one of the jobs really stresses me out. I have to figure out what to do about that.
Okay. This confused me completely.

I am NOT a medical professional. So I state this quite firmly below on personal opinion.

You only achieve BP1 diagnosis of BP1 (as opposed to BP2) if you've had a manic episode. It's got nothing to do with the duration. So please go back to your doctor and ask for clarification.

That's what I told her! When I made my appt, it was for anxiety. For a couple years now I go through these episodes where I feel like I'm really, really high on cocaine. Sometimes it feels awesome! I'm more outgoing, productive and I just feel overall freakin' amazing. There are other times when I feel really agitated, irritable, and I cannot be around people. It's such an ugly feeling that I used to try to kill with alcohol but then I'd just black out, become violent, and everyone would be mad at me the next day. The worst part is that I never remembered what happened. My friends even gave me the name "Nancy" (from the movie Sid & Nancy) cause they say that's who I'd become. Aah... the embarrassing memories. Anyhow, I always thought it was all anxiety. Really, really super bad anxiety that decided to show up announced and invited while I was quietly minding my own business.
So during my "interview" with the therapist I was feeling really, really "up" (as I've always called it). It was the good kind of "up" but I was trying to keep it cool hoping she wouldn't notice but she did. And then once she did I just let go with the fast talking and diarrhea of the mouth. She started asking me A LOT of questions. I said too much. And I was having a hard time focusing. And I kept joking too. Again with the embarrassing behavior. So she said it's bipolar 1 cause it goes on for so long. I disagreed with her and she said that maybe the psychiatrist will change the diagnosis. So idk how it works but maybe I'll get a different diagnosis then?

Please discontinue watching fake Hollywood Bogus Films Immediately! Haha jk. No. You will not necessarily get Alzheimers JUST because you are Bipolar. This is not the case. Even if studies have found a loose correlation. It is definitely not true for all. At all. Please banish this fear.

LOL thanks so much for this and your whole reply. I swear I had been freaking out so bad about this.Those thoughts are now out my head and in the thrash.

Thanks again for all your help.

[JaneBeans]

Originally Posted by Wander

I am Bipolar 1 but not due to typical full blown manic episodes on their own but because I fall into MIXED states (hypo/mania and major depression at the same time). My mixed states include full mania and they are hell due to the extremely low mood with extremely agitated states, rapid thoughts, less sleep and sucidal ideation. Basically I am wild and out of control but also depressed. Have you ever had anything like that? It is odd your doc would label you as bipolar 2 without any sign of a manic episode. Good thing to bring up when you see them next. I am sure he/she has their reasons.

There is an adjustment period of grief, confusion and concern once diagnosed but it is a good thing as now treatment can begin and hopefully you will find relief from your symptoms.

Hello there!
I'm actually not sure about what's going on with me. I'm starting to think that maybe I don't really know the difference between mania and hypomania. I still refer to what I feel as "feeling up" cause that's what I'm used to. I do know that while I went through my 18 month depression not too long ago, I did feel "up" sometimes and in a really bad way. I'd get agitated, irritated, aggressive, and I thought a lot about suicide. But then is that a different thing? My boyfriend was very close to leaving me. In fact, I don't know how he stayed. I'd stay up sometimes till 6am screaming and pacing around the house, wanting to destroy everything and wanting hit him simply because he was there. It still breaks my heart when I remember those nights. It took everything in me to not hit him. I'd pack my bags, text my friend asking if I could stay with her for a while and all or no reason. He'd just sit on the floor against the door to stop me from leaving the house. And then usually by the next day, like and abusive spouse, I'd apologize and try to make it up to him. I would explain that it's not who I am and that he knows me but I just don't know what happened. That is something that happened often while I was going through the depression. To me being that way towards anyone, let alone somebody I love, is worse than my worst depression or anything else I've ever felt or been through. So then is that considered mania?

[JaneBeans]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

They really shouldn't change who you are. This is a very common fear. Personal experience….Though creativity is absolutely central in defining "who I am" this was a concern that I simply did not have. I was in such a bad place that nothing was a concern. Drawing breath was a resented chore. Creativity had already disappeared. I had already disappeared, you know? After I got on meds (and got them sorted to the right ones and dosages for me), I discovered that not only was creativity back in its core location, but that it was more available to me. Because it was more consistently available.

Not always and not all of them. BF and I have both been on a same med (at different times). It had killed my sex drive. Didn't phase his one bit. That's the thing about side effects. Not everyone gets them and those that do get them can experience them to different degrees. Many times, there are side effects upon starting a med that later go away as your body adjusts.

If you can actually handle them, it is possible you might not have to take meds. (Even so, would need a strong safeguard system and coping skills to manage.) It is good to take others' input regarding how you are "handling" your episodes. Sometimes we don't exactly have the most objective view on that. And you are so right -- when we're not in the midst of them, we can, if not make ourselves forget, at least minimize how bad they get. Those you trust and know you well will be able to give you the best feedback on that.

Hello!

Thank you for your reply. I am actually now a bit more open about taking meds. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about going without meds while I get my health in order but I am really considering it now. The whole thing with the sex drive is a big problem with me but I mean, I could always get off them or change them right? I'm gonna be more open the treatment when I go in on Tues.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by JaneBeans

Hello!

Thank you for your reply. I am actually now a bit more open about taking meds. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about going without meds while I get my health in order but I am really considering it now. The whole thing with the sex drive is a big problem with me but I mean, I could always get off them or change them right? I'm gonna be more open the treatment when I go in on Tues.

Meds I'm on haven't killed my sex drive (sorry if that's TMI). I think with that you really only have to worry if you're on an antidepressant. I know a lot of those are real sex drive killers. Well, from what I've been told anyway. And since you're BP they probably won't want to put you on one because it could make you manic.

Hey sweety, welcome to PC. The best thing that you can do is read experiences to see the similarities, plus do research and learn this illness, which isn't as hard as it seems. Another thing is to learn your meds and options. You control your body hun, and you don't have to take everything they want to shove down your throat. First try the meds with the least side effects. The meds for me as listed below have about zero side effects. Everyone's different, but at least it's an idea. What works for me might not work for you. Finding your perfect cocktail is a hit and miss and takes a little while, but when you get it, it ges better. Hang in there! Glad that you are getting treatment and there is hope for a better life for you because it was/is for me! Good luck!

One other thing, I won't take anything that'll mess with my libido!

[UCMATH]

Hello! I'm sorry about your diagnosis. The upshot is that you can now learn about how to be as healthy as possible when you've got this condition.

It is very strange that you doctor gave you a diagnosis of BD1 when you have never experienced a full-blown manic episode. A manic episode is the major requirement. A hypomanic episode that lasts longer than average is still a hypomanic episode and doesn't fulfill that requirement. Perhaps you're Bipolar II and have been misdiagnosed.

It is generally very difficult to become stable without medication. I have BP1 with psychotic features and can currently function on very low doses of medication, but that's because I maintain a very strict schedule and learned other coping mechanisms while I was more heavily medicated. I can't go entirely without medication, and I'm prepared to go back on heavier meds when I get sick again.

It might be useful to go on medication while you attempt to become more stable and then decrease the dosage once you're no longer experiencing episodes on a regular basis.

As for sex drive... my partners complained about my lack of interest in sex when I wasn't medicated, because I spent so much of my time feeling too depressed to be intimate. I can't remember if any of the meds I've taken actually reduced my sex drive. I don't think they did. In fact, Lamictal sent it through the roof. I think increased libido is listed as a possible side-effect.

[Sunnyhunny00]

I need my meds, I'm dangerous during my depressive state. But, I love taking my meds, and I'm going to try and get an anxiety med to add to my stabilizer.

My personal experiance with them is that it allows me to be me. It does change me, but in a way that makes me comfortable knowing I'm being myself and not bipolar...if that makes sense.

I'm one of those people that was glad to be dx with bipolar. Only because I finally had answers. I was able to really understand what was going on with me. I'm the only one in my family on meds, and I'm also the only one that seems to be able to keep it together.

You'll be fine. The more you learn about it the easier it gets to notice symptoms and stuff.

This site is awesome and I've found a lot of relief since joining. Its the only site I'm actually active in.

Think you need to talk to your doctor. Get a proper diagnosis.

Mania is a bit different than hypomania, IMHO.