[brokenandalone1234]

I know when in a manic phase some people tend to become really irresponsible with money but do any of you have problems with money even when your not manic. I tend to have problems with money no matter what mood I am in. It doesn't matter if I am having a low mood day or a high mood day. I know some of my problems stem from the fact that I was bullied a lot in school and now I feel like even almost 6 years later that I have to have the stuff that everyone else has to have friends. My fiance says that this is the real world and no one cares what someone has and what someone doesn't have. I think people do. I have social anxiety as well so I feel I have to look a certain way at all times. I feel like if a girl where I would work has a $200 bag I have to have a $300 bag to make her like me. I am very insecure in myself. My fiance tells me all the time I am pretty and beautiful but I feel like if I don't spend a lot of money on making myself look good that he will start having a wondering eye and cheat on me. He has never cheated on me that I am aware of but a man will cheat if their wife or girlfriend isn't keeping up with the standards they expect their girl to be. I have gotten so bad that unless I get a family member to help me today me and him will go hungry tonight. We both get paid tomorrow but by last week I was broke and I only get paid every two weeks and because of me being broke my fiance has had to buy everything so now he is broke too and he doesn't know it. I checked his accounts to see if he had enough to eat lunch which he does thanks to his credit card but we have no money for dinner tonight. I don't have the guts to tell him so I am going to try and beg my grandma to help us. She helps us a lot but it's always because of something stupid I do. How do I get over this fear of not having friends and learn to save money. I hate calling my grandma every time I run out of money. I just can't seem to fight the urge to spend money I don't have please help me

[Homeira]

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles! Moneytrouble is sooo stressful. I am fortunate to get by financially, but I have had to ask my family for help, because of overspending. And I have a credit card-bill I am still paying down after two years. (I went insane and bought the dummest things). I think the whole spending money-issue/slash not having enough money is a huge problem amongst people with BP. And it is true that some people will judge you for not having all sorts of fancy and expensive stuff. But a lot of people will not judge you at all for that. Especially now in with the recession and all. Unfortunately we tend to focus on the bad, and to overly focus on people who are judgemental. I hate when some people will respect me because I got a new coffee-maker, or went on a trip somewhere. (my fancy-shmancy new coffee-maker was a gift from my brother for my birthd. and my most recent trip was a gift from a friend. If they only knew...). So what if I find myself broke,because of some insane investment or spending episode? Then I know for a fact that those people will not have respect for me. And people like that, well they don't deserve my respect and not an ounce of my precious time. I have an illness, and with BP, there are no guarentees in life.
Have you tried the money-in-an-envelope-system? Put enough cash in an envelope that you estimate will cover your spending-money for that week. And have someone else have control of your debit/credit-card for that week. Sounds extreme, but money-issues are very serious, and it must be taken as that.

I happened on your post while viewing "new posts". I'm not bipolar, but I do have a compulsive spending problem and have had since my teens.

While I'm thinking about it, there have been other threads in the Bipolar forum about this problem if you want to search for them. I remember that one poster said that he was going to start buying grocery store gift cards when he gets paid so he won't run out of food before the next payday.

I had the best results from a book I read by an author called Jerrold Mundis. He founded Debtors Anonymous, a 12 step group modeled on AA. The book I read is called "How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously". I recently learned that he has written other books, including one called "How to Make Peace With Money" and I want to read that one.

Even if you're not in debt, this book has good techniques to get control of your money. It does require that you pay a lot of attention to what you're spending.

I liked the book because it says that you can learn to control your money without understanding why you have the urge to spend compulsively. I'm not saying that's not a worthwhile thing to do, but when I started having problems, it was around 30 years ago and I wasn't able to get any help from therapists or reading.

The book asks you to keep track of what you spend and also to make a spending plan. It emphasizes that you need to include money for things that you enjoy in this plan - it doesn't ask you to make a strict, joyless budget.

I used to use money management software and download my bank records into it and they would pretty much auto-sort into records for my spending plan after I labeled the first few.

I think I have written this next bit before on this forum, but when I was having the worst problems in my 20s, I didn't seem able to think ahead to what long-term goals I'd like my money to accomplish for me.

Now that I'm in my 50s, I think that that is maybe the "hidden problem" of compulsive spending. It's not really hidden exactly, but it gets lost in the crunch when you're trying to figure out how to pay for food until the next payday.

My spending problems had been mostly dormant for a while, but I'm having problems again, so it's time to update the spending plan and start keeping better track of my money.

The writing style in the Mundis book isn't very modern, but the principles are sound. When I was reading it, I kept imagining him looking something like Jerry Stiller, who played George's dad in "Seinfeld."

Good luck to you with the money management!

I spend when I am manic and depressed. When I am manic, I spend on stupid stuff. When depressed, I try to buy things to make me feel better. It never works and just creates financial problems. I wish I had advise, but all I can offer is my understanding. I sure hope your grandma will help you and that you can figure out a long term solution to your problem.

[Homeira]

For a year now I have had a system that I have managed to follow (somewhat). I go to the grocery-store only once a week, and then I buy everything I need for that week. I make a list, and buy only that. And I might make a trip on the weekend for some snacks and soda. Works pretty well. But it is a transition, and something I have had to really practice. It doesn’t matter if you mess up every now and then. Building better spending-habits is not an all-or-nothing process.

[brokenandalone1234]

My grandma thank God helped me out but come to find out my fiance had a secret stash of money I didn't know about. He keeps money hid from me so that way I don't spend it too. I found what all of you said to be very helpful thank you. I need to try some of the things all of you suggested. I asked my fiance today if he wouldn't mind helping me by taking my debit card when I get paid tomorrow and take over 100% control of all my money until I get a little money in savings and he agreed to. He knows about all the problems I have with money and is being supportive in the best way he knows how.

[Homeira]

Happy to hear that he is so understanding and wants to help you with this. I wish you the best of luck! I know it is hard, but one has to start in one end. And you want to do something about this issue, and you are taking action in that direction. And, seriously, s.... the people who might judge what you have etc. They are not worth wasting energy on!

[Trippin2.0]

I empathize completely.


I spend when I'm up, when I'm down, when I'm baseline, when I'm in the clear, and even when I'm in the red.


Always have, since my teens, I have "*****it its just money" syndrome, which leads to financial stress which exacerbates my bipolar.


It's absolutely dreadful.


It's like the only ounce of control I have is to make certain, shyt is paid for as best I can (I'm a single mom) but the rest?


God only knows where it goes.


I get paid monthly and was down to only having my travelling fair a week after pay day.


Worst part is, this month I actually thought I was being careful. I made three relatively large purchases and was certain the rest of my paycheck would be in tact for a while... Only to discover I'm dead broke and have no idea where I spent the rest or on what.


I'm too scared to check my bank statement in case I find out I was plain stupid as usual. Because I'm always thinking the bank stole from me, and I call them, only to find out I spend on auto pilot.

I swear I sleep shop!!!!!

Scary part? I got credit at a store the other day and bought a washing machine AND I still have over 3k on that card left.


I'll have to hand it over to keep myself safe.


I'm still paying off my last store debt from my lingerie shopping spree years ago that set me back nearly 3k!!!!

[touched by fire]

I've always had money problems no matter what. When I'm depressed is when I seem to be the most impulsive and buy stuff to make me feel better. But I'm buying stuff for a task or project that I never seem to start or take for fuking ever to complete it.......

[RisuNeko]

I'm bad with money but don't have a problem with the kind of jealousy or i security or competitiveness of what people around me own. I buy mostly inexpensive things I just spend impulsively no matter what my mood. I need to be saving up so that I can move and start grad school in the fall but if I have a fair amount of money I feel like I have free reign to just spend until I have next to nothing. I almost always run out of money by the time it's payday again.