I've tried it their way for years and years been med complient and gone to therapy at least once and up to 5 times a week. I'm sick of the meds sick of taking them sick of picking them up and worrying about scripts. Sick of missing one then going off the rails... I still get dangerously sucidal even when I'm doing every thing right. I've had enough. I want off the meds, I'm sick and not functioning at all anyway.

[raspberrytorte]

Understand how you feel. I'm sick of meds too. I'm sick of everything actually, like worrying about finding a new doctor, etc. I just want to wean myself off of everything and see what happens and not have to worry about all this ****.

I hope you feel better soon.

[elevatedsoul]

i feel sick about this too, disturbed...
i think we just haven't found the right medicine yet
the search seems like it will never end
but if we keep fighting one day we can get better

im about to stop taking zyprexa and seroquel because im sick of it

[lunaticfringe]

I'm totally on the same page as you. I'm sick of it. My meds are about to run out...I'm between pdocs and I don't even care.

[Angry1541]

Agreed. I recently got myself off Latuda, it was messing with my sleep. Now I am just on the anti-depressant and gabapentin. Still get a bit of anxiety and my moods swing, but every mood stabilizer I have tried has made so wonky in one way or another that I haven't been able to stay on them.

*sigh*

[jacky8807]

i say if you are doing everything "right" and you still feel that bad something is wrong.. try to wean off the meds with your doc or look for other ones. Dont give up hope supa!

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

i feel sick about this too, disturbed...
i think we just haven't found the right medicine yet
the search seems like it will never end
but if we keep fighting one day we can get better

im about to stop taking zyprexa and seroquel because im sick of it

why two antipsychotics? short term maybe but not long term. that would make anybody feel like hell!

Originally Posted by jacky8807

i say if you are doing everything "right" and you still feel that bad something is wrong.. try to wean off the meds with your doc or look for other ones. Dont give up hope supa!

That's exact my point the pdoc says I have very good insight and the best coping skills and techniques he has seen... Yet I am still unwell. The only path i haven't gone down and fully embraced is spirituality, maybe there is something on that level making me so sick all the time.

[jacky8807]

funny you should say that....i was just looking up bipolar as a spiritual awakening
hey its worth a shot. im getting back into spirituality and it is helping A LOT

[simplydivine1030]

I understand how you feel - I hope you feel better soon (or find some meds that really help!)

[wiretwister]

I really can not see myself , or anyone, staying on meds for their whole life,, so shouldn't the point be to find a safe way to go,then trying like hell to rid ourself of meds...

[~Christina]

I rode the med merry go round for a many years. What I found out was I cycled whether I was on meds or not, So why take something daily? yeah didn't make sense to me, I talked to my Pdoc and him and I decided to see how I would manage off meds. I never had trouble going cold turkey off any AP's .. I did go thru hell coming off Lithium( go figure)

Anyway I have been med free for over a year now. It's not all sunshine and roses, but I have lots of coping skills and I am also very self aware. If I really hit a wall and go Splat I would agree to a very short term us of an AP or AAP.

Sometimes I think our brains can be covered in such a toxic soup of chemicals that detoxing off meds and allowing your brain to regroup might just be the answer for some people.

I hope you find a solution and start feeling better soon, You have been in a hellish battle for much to long

[lawrenman]

When "off my meds" I was able to control how my brain felt most of the time. Via meditation and relaxation techniques.

The trouble I had most of all was the quickening effect in my body. My body would metabolize too fast and I would get scared as I would feel like I was freezing afterwards. I realize now that my thyroid was being brought into the equation to regulate my temp because my body was not doing it properly. It wasn't like my house was freezing it was relatively warm fall. But shivering and not being able to warm up several hours on a man over 210 lbs at 5'9 is not normal.

So I went back to taking meds off an on. Now I'm on the full time because I've given up. Mostly because my wife and her family seem to think its better to look sane then be healthy.

I don't mind being a little psycho here and there. Other people do and they are assholes for being that way not me.

So I'd rather wait a few years and see if I can draw disability and give up on the American dream.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

why two antipsychotics? short term maybe but not long term. that would make anybody feel like hell!

You get used to it. I've been on two APs for 15 months and I'm able to get up in the morning and do what I need to do. It was tough at first but I developed a tolerance. I'm also not on high doses which also helps. But I'm on two because one wasn't enough.

[Chickenkicker]

Yep...finding the right cocktail is a *****, and sometimes it takes many months. But when you do...its magic! For me I -had- to keep looking...the alternative was unacceptable.

For those that say "you'll find the right combo" I HAVE. I have had periods of stability on meds for years at a time, this last one was 4 years before the hormonal stuff screwed me up. I feel meds are hindering me more than helping now. How many of you have been on geodon for 5/6 years?? Its not meant to be used that long. Im not functioning at all and I dont think it is pure depression - I think I am too sedated and my body is not happy with all the heavy duty chemicals for so long.

I think I am ready to come off meds, I have the skills, I keep myself safe despite being so low at times, I havent been hypomanic in a long long time, I have access to inpatient care if I need it and will continue weekly therapy. I just have to tell my meds pdoc....

I am willing to stay on the SSRI for the OCD for a while, but I want off the AP and clonazepam at the very least. Although willing to take PRN if needed. Zyprexa + Zeldox combo seems to get me out of episodes if we catch it. And honestly I dont expect episodes. I know I will get crazy hormonal every month but I feel with my skills and knowledge I can deal with the BP. Im hoping the crazy hormonal settles down as AP's can affect that.

Now the question.... drop the AP completely and have a few weeks of hell withdrawls, or drag it out... I guess I talk to my support network. I want to be stable and off med by my birthday but I dont want to drive everyone mental.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

You get used to it. I've been on two APs for 15 months and I'm able to get up in the morning and do what I need to do. It was tough at first but I developed a tolerance. I'm also not on high doses which also helps. But I'm on two because one wasn't enough.

my doctor says its a nono but i know every dr has theyre own way of doing things thats for sure!!! for myself i dont even like being on one because long and short term side effects. im hoping not to take it forever
if its working for you and your stability then thats all that matters! we are all made so different and what works for one dosent work for all
im glad you found a good combo