I am not stable TRIGGER

My husband is not happy with me because I've stopped taking my seroquel, but I can't help it. It was not working for me. He says I'm two steps away from another IP stay. He said if I wouldn't go willingly he'd call the cops on me again.

I am inbetween doctors, with no pdoc in sight. The clinic I'm trying to get into won't even schedule an appointment for me until they have all my medical records, and for some reason they haven't received my records from my inpatient stay on january, despite how I went to the hospital, signed forms, and they said they would fax my information.

I'm not in a good spot. I'm struggling with intense paranoia and anxiety, and I'm suicidal.

I don't know what to do. What do you do when you don't have a pdoc and no help?

I've been crying because I've ruined my daughter's life, just for being bp.

Take the Seroquel, for now. If you have a plan and intent which you are saying you do then you NEED IP....Now ! Listen to your husband...He knows you

Stay safe Your family will be destroyed if you took your own life.. that is something your child will never get over.

I'm with Christina. Go to the hospital now. Please. You're too cool to lose. We want you here. Go tell your husband you have a sui plan and get taken care of.

I love you please stay safe.

And my grandma is in the hospital, with some heart problems. She's 90 years old. My family didn't even bother calling to tell me. I had to find out through my husband, through my sister on facebook that she was even in the hospital. How ****ed up is that?

It's time for IP. Go now. I've been there and I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't gone when I did. Your family would be absolutely DEVASTATED if you took your own life. Don't do it. Go IP!!

I just took my seroquel.

I can't afford to go IP. We already owe over three thousand dollars in medical bills from my last stay, which we can't pay.

Tonight I am safe. I can't go anywhere or do anything, and my husband is holding my meds for me.

You still need to go IP. Talk to a social worker while you are there and see if you qualify for HCAP. Different hospitals have different requirements but some are pretty fair and will reduce your bills. But even if you don't money is not worth suicide and it sounds like you have gone too far down that path.

I'm glad you took the seroquel though. Tomorrow please go IP. If nothing else you'll come out with a referral to a psychiatrist/

I'm sorry you're having a bad time. I agree with others, you need to check yourself in. Please be safe.

Check yourself in. If you have a plan it's time to go into hospital. Seriously.

Stay safe.

How are you?

Any better today?

awh hun im sorry your are struggling! But 'way to gooo!' on deciding to take your seroquel, it was a very sensible thing to do.

Do you feel like the meds arent working for you? How come you decided not to take them in the first place?

You havent ruined your daughters life. She is lucky to have you!!

stay safe

I'm alright today.

My daughter told me she loved me, for the first time spontaneously. Melted my heart.

I'm annoyed because there's some sort of issue going on with the new clinic getting my records from when I was inpatient in january. I went to the hospital and the record lady said she faxed my information when I went in on monday, and she refaxed everything today. I don't know what the situation is here! The information has been faxed twice! They won't even schedule me an appointment until they get everything! Now I'm waiting for new clinic to call me back. I'm so frustrated with this whole situation! I need help! At this rate I'm not going to get an appointment with this new pdoc until september. Seriously. I'm safe right now. I'm not into self harm, like cutting and stuff (sight of blood makes me want to puke), and my husband has all my meds, even ones I'm not taking (like that worthless bottle of lorazepam, and that stupid doxepin for that matter).

I can't stop crying about my grandma. I had to actually text my sister again just to learn she's in surgery and having a pacemaker put in. I'm such a black sheep my family doesn't even bother to let me know what's going on without me asking!

I actually found my full bottle of doxepin in the cupboard. Flushed it right away (which I know isn't good, but it needed to be gone).

Good for you with the doxepin. I've had to flush things before too. I tried to think of it as brightening the day for those sharing my water supply .

Sometimes going IP can also get you a Pdoc appointment set up by social workers and they can also help with finding ways to deal with medical bills. Don't let the fear of money keep you from getting help if you need it. I agree with the posters above that if you need IP to get help do it.

I'm a mental health social worker and I'm sorry to say from reading your post you need an IP stay if you're suicidal and paranoid to get help and level out. I hope you feel better ASAP.

How are you today?

I don't know.

Very paranoid. On verge of having another paranoia/anxiety attack right now. I think I'm depressed, but I don't know. I don't really know what I am. I couldn't sleep last night, despite taking my seroquel. I'm angry. I'm irritable. I can't concentrate. I can't focus. It's frustrating.

There's something evil following me around everywhere. I can feel it. I went to the store last night because I need to find something other than making collages to make more positive energy because collages freak me out now, but I don't know what to do. I have to figure something out.

But how can I figure anything out if I can't concentrate on anything at all. I can't even watch movies. I can't concentrate on movies. I can't concentrate on reading. But I don't think I'm having racing thoughts.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

It's making me angry that I don't know!

My goal is to make it to my new pdoc appointment (whenever that will be) without having to go inpatient.

I'm having trouble at work too. I get freaked out at work. I work alone. I have bad paranoia situations at work. I have to make myself not leave. I don't know why. I've never had trouble working before. I get scared. I wish the evil thing following me around would leave me alone.

I hate this mood, whatever it is. This is my unstable mood. This stupid paranoia ********. When I'm just vanilla depressed I don't get this way. That's why I don't know what I am.

I give you credit for wanting to push through all this.. but I think your walking a very fine line. Your no longer safe and I hope you will realize this.

Do keep in mind if you go IP you will leave with an appt to a new pdoc and you will be seen with in a couple weeks...

Stay safe

My husband has my meds.

I don't do self harm stuff. The sight of blood makes me want to faint. And I don't like scars. I just don't do that. It's not my thing. It's not my style. People have different styles. That's just not mine.

Inpatient is simply something I cannot afford. I was just inpatient in january. I owe many medical bills from that stay that I cannot pay. It is something that is not an option.

I could drown myself I suppose. But I'm freaked about drowning. It's actually one of my serious fears. That I'll drown some day, like get stuck in a car that goes over a bridge. Or get badly burned and have a melted face and no hair. That would not be good. I would not like that. I like having hair.

I think about the universe often. How insignificant we all really are.

And what is there really after death. Is there reincarnation. I feel that my husband and I are soul mates, so there has to be souls. There must me. But who knows really. We all have our turn. I'll find out someday. It's like we all have a turn at each age. My coworker says that a lot. That we all have our turn at each age, unless you die prematurely of course, like in a car accident, or falling off a building or something. Across the street they're doing some roof work, and whenever I see a man standing on a roof it makes me cringe. I'm afraid of heights. I would never jump off a building. Heights make me feel sick. I used to not be afraid of heights. When I was a child I wasn't. I guess as you get older you become afraid of certain things.

I want to ride on a roller coaster. I want to go to the park late at night and go on the swings and pretend I'm on one, but I'm too paranoid. They were following me last night. Cars were that is. People were. I don't know why. I don't want to be followed around. I want the evil thing to leave me alone.

I hope youre doing ok <3