[Victoria'smom]

I have no thoughts, my attention span is all of 5 min. I have no feelings towards my husband or son. I'm just here,quite, blank and here. I can do things but have no motivation to do them. I can't tell you the last time I showered. I'm not depressed. I'm sleeping regular just I have no feelings or motivation. It's to the point I'm having difficulty modeling what others feel because I zone out a lot. I'm on pc all day but you wouldn't know it. My head has nothing going on like I'm not thinking. I don't like this. If this is normal how do I get use to this quite, numb girl with no personality? This is not who I am and meds have me trapped? How do I get use to this? Even t says I'm "flat". I can't handle life like this. I want to be happy not just exist. If existing is all I can get I don't want it. That's a robot not a person. How do I fix this? I need ideas. How do you get use to no thoughts or feelings? I want to be a good wife and mother but not at the expense of who I am. Is this bp, the meds, or am I really this horrible person that truly feels nothing outside of cycling?

[cashart10]

It sounds like a call to your pdoc is in order ASAP! There is no reason for you to feel flat like that! Take care of yourself and fight for yourself!

[Secretum]

That sounds a lot like some of my depressions, though I have also heard people say that their medications can cause emotional numbing and anhedonia too. So I cannot say exactly what it is, only that it would be worth discussing with your pdoc. Unfortunately, I haven't found anything that helps when I experience those symptoms. They go away when the depression lifts. It seems likely that what you are experiencing is reversible-if it is the meds, change things around to avoid that side effect; if it is depression, treat the depression or wait for it to pass.

I hope this helps a little.

[Victoria'smom]

Cashart I can't see pdoc until July 10th.

Secretum I am definitely going to say something but I doubt he'll change things

[Crazy Hitch]

(((migs))) I've missed you I was wondering when you were going to start a thread

When I feel this way I call it "numb" - it's usually a stage where I kind of don't feel emotions ... just ... nothing. For me, it's my bodies way of blocking out feeling too much - if you reach a stage where it's beyond painful to feel what you feel something just shuts the "feeling mechanism" down. Well, this is how I describe it for me. It's the only way it makes sense when I'm trying to understand something confusing.

I get you're not depressed.

You may have been, some stage back.

But when you reach this "nothing feeling", yes, to me it makes perfect sense in your frame of mind not to bath, it really does. I'd be thinking: "Why bother? What for?" Because if you're feeling nothingness then who are you impressing by bathing? It's not like the president is coming over ... <- that's my rationale if I can't be bothered taking a shower for the day when I get to where you're at

Your zoning out I think is correlated to trying to numb yourself from feeling anything. Shuts it off. Closes the curtains. Blocks the world out. It's not really there.

I think you do have a personality (even if you say you don't) = I've seen you be vivacious and passionate not only about your family, but members on this forum through what you have posted in the past. Sure, maybe not today. And you know what?
That's okay. You're allowed a "mental health" break for yourself sometimes.

Like taking a step back.

Because you're very invested in your son's wellbeing, and you have been for a long time. And you still are. You just need a "me zone" for a day or two. Time to reflect on just you.

We all desire happiness. Sometimes it can seem like an illusion. Something we will never achieve. The reality is, we do. We slowly crawl out of our hole be it depression / zoning out / flat / empty .... we get there, eventually .... but it can seem like an eternity if you're not there at a given point in time. I believe you will achieve this too. And I'm sorry if you don't feel this way today. This happens.

You won't be a robot forever.

Maybe today.

But who knows about tomorrow.

Do you have some good motivational videos?

There are heaps on YouTube.

I'd recommend trying by watching just one (because you might be sceptical).

If you type in "Motivational Video" on a YouTube search - heaps will come up.

I'd recommend picking one that has over 1M views, that way you know it's probably one of the better ones - those are the type that I watch.

If it made you feel slightly better after you watched it, just a slight sliver of hope, I'd recommend you try a few of these per day.

You mind is fragile.

It's healing itself from all of the turmoil it's been through.

It's taking an emotional break.

You can start to heal it again, slowly, step by step, every day.

I know you can do this. I believe in you.

[Nammu]

Sometimes this is a side effect from meds that wears off once your body adjusts. If it's still there on July 10 you need to emphasize how bad it its there's usually some adjustment they can do. If you can take your hubby with so he can back up what you say.

[raspberrytorte]

To me it sounds like an over-medicated situation, but I'm not a doctor.

I guess I would just talk to your doctor about it.

I hope you feel better soon!

[A Red Panda]

Honestly?

Stay with what the doctor gave you. It can take a few months for things to adjust, and you haven't been on it long enough. This is the sort of thing that leads to you messing around with your own meds.

Give things time. Does the flat feeling suck? Yes, yes it does.

But you haven't lost yourself. You haven't been stable enough, for long enough, to really know who you are I think. Wait this out, let your body adjust, and eventually get to see who you are when you aren't bouncing around through episodes.

It might take the T and pdoc longer than you wish to decide to change dosages around if you continue being flat. Because they will wait things out. Trust them. Listen to them. Yes, advocate for yourself with them, through discussion. They don't know what you are like stable either. If things continue to be flat and numb, then the pdoc will adjust things.

[simplydivine1030]

I've been there and it will get better. *hugs*

[Angelique67]

I'm in this condition also except I also have a lot of anxiety. But I'm very flat emotionally and cognitively. It's very hard for me to think of helpful or anything to say to anyone. I'm just empty.

[Victoria'smom]

Hooligan - thank you, maybe I'm still depressed. I hate taking steps back. I will watch a motivational speaker today.

Sidestepper - my husband always goes with me. So he'll definitely say something as our relationship has plummeted because of this.

raspberrytorte - that's what I think too.

A Red Panda- I would never be friends with who I am right now. If this is me stable then I give up. I'd rather be unstable then this shell of a person. I have to stick with the meds or I'll end up ip and I can't walk in and out of my son's life like that.
simplydivine1030- thank you

[~Christina]

Basically you have 4 week ( roughly) before you see your Pdoc. I understand your frustration. but, you were a bloody hot mess a few weeks back. You were a mess for a very long... Just wait, stick it out.

I agree with Red Panda so I wont rattle off that advise... Its spot on.

You have gone this long ... You can hold out until you see your Pdoc. I would hate to see you lose your shyt again and have to go IP.

Anyway , that's my 3 cents

[Crazy Hitch]

Migs,

Just touching base -

How did you go with this - any luck?

"Hooligan - thank you, maybe I'm still depressed. I hate taking steps back. I will watch a motivational speaker today."

[Victoria'smom]

I watched 2 videos, 9 min total the last one lost me because it's to long for my attention span. It made me want to watch limitless.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Sometimes when we level out were unhappy because we like our highs do much. Could this be the case? It's called chasing mania.

[Victoria'smom]

That's the thing I'm not happy or sad I'm indifferent and it's really effecting my relationship. Ie normally I'd be thrilled that my sister is having a baby Thursday but I haven't even called her because "it's just a baby". It's not "just a baby " it's her first child! It looks like I'm pulling away from my family because I'm so quiet and I'm sick of people asking me what is wrong when nothing is wrong.

I wish I was chasing mania.

[cmorales]

I know exactly what you are talking about. I used to get like that all the time. But I think my meds took it away (or something did). It really sucks. One time, I got stuck baby sitting my nephew and he was crying (as babies do) and I couldn't do anything but sit there and watch him cry. I felt so helpless but hadn't the drive/motivation/energy to do anything. I was emotionally indifferent. I mean, he wasn't in any danger (I was holding him) but I just couldn't act and didn't really care that he was crying. I felt so horrible after the fact. It's gotten me so far behind in life because I would slip in and out of this zombie-robot state. I hope you can feel again soon. I wonder though: your signature says you're sza. Do you think this one of those "negative symptoms" of the sz aspect that I've heard about? (Of course that wouldn't explain my similar experiences, but maybe yours?)

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I watched 2 videos, 9 min total the last one lost me because it's to long for my attention span. It made me want to watch limitless.

Haha okay cool; you made 2 videos - great start though

[Victoria'smom]

It could be a negative symptom I have no idea.

[Crazy Hitch]

Nah, sometimes I can't even get through more than 1 either and that's when I'm stable

[elevatedsoul]

im sorry you are experiencing this

[A Red Panda]

I'm glad you're putting your son first! He deserves that.

It really could be just the meds adjusting in your body. Hopefully anyway! It also might take a while even after the adjustment for you to actually adapt to a stable mindset and emotional range - you're so used to extreme ups and downs!

Like.... My hypomanias are quite mild and short-lived. But when I'm out of one, I feel like a boring old zombie for awhile.

You could also be in a depression. Since I've been on meds the past two years, I'm finding the depressions that crop up to be REALLY confusing. The medication takes the edge off, including some of my normal tell-tale signs for myself. It's actually a lot more of "indifference" for me when I'm in one as opposed to "oh gawd I want to be dead, I hate myself". The last time I was in one I actually wanted to toss out my meds because I got pissed off at being confused..... was a stupid thought, but it was like "at least if I wasn't on these meds I'd FEEL it properly and would notice how to deal with it instead of being this!". The thought processe is a bit hard to understand, but regardless, it was definitely a stupid thought that didn't really make sense even though it was totally clear in my head at the time.

[mjrwraith]

My heart hurts that you're experiencing this. I just want you to know that.

Sent from my LG-D631 using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

Thanks you guys. I'll see t tomorrow so we'll see what he says.

[Victoria'smom]

So T thinks it's med related but I do have a personality it's just really muted. That I could be disassociating or trauma related. I am thinking even though I am on auto pilot. I maybe chasing my manic self. He wants me and my husband to talk to pdoc.