[SilverSprings]

I am newly diagnosed as Bi Polar, still waiting for full / further Eval to understand better which level or degree of BP. (possible trigger warning)

I was wondering how can I figure out when I am in mania, normal, and depression as tracking it might help figure it out. After reading some and learning, I see the signs. I feel a bit better now that I am starting mood stabilizer in combo w/ my anti-dep.. not nearly good yet. Initial Pdoc eval was BP (but not BP1) and that is all she said. I need to work w/ therapist and Pdoc more I think.

Also, a small victory last night worth sharing: I had a really bad 'anxiety/rage attack' approaching last night and typically this would very rapidly escalate from some mundane issue (the temperature on the thermostat)... to a really big F deal causing a night, or days of horror. I forced myself away from the situation as best as I could, I distracted myself, I coped as best as possible and I took a sleeping pill and even though my thoughts raced and I was scared- I went to sleep. In the morning, my partner admitted that he was lying there pretending to sleep- scared i would really escalate, like in the past, he was scared/anxious but gave me big kudos for calming myself and felt it was progress.. And this is just the beginning. He is sooo wonderful, willing to read and learn about what its like to live / love a BP woman. I am fortunate, yet in the back of my mind there is a lot of fear... that he will freak out and leave me since this is newly diagnosed. He thought was just dealing w/ my eating disorder... and now this. This is a big deal.

Anyhow to the topic - Just wondering how I can figure out when i feel manic, or depressive and normal. I feel like my memory is so bad and my brain so foggy often, it is hard to really get in touch w/ what it is im feeling. I actually thought I never experienced depression at all, until recently I learned that I most certainly have according to symptoms. Same with hallucinations- i have had them on/off for years. Never knew it wasn't normal to hear things, see things... like that.

Input or book recommendations are appreciated.

[Nammu]

Working with a therapist really helps with learning to spot the highs and lows as you generally see them on a regular basis and they are impartial observers. They also help with learning copping methods to deal with the mood shifts. It sounds like you did a great job last night what a good start. Kudos!
Welcome to PC.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Using a mood chart to try to track your patterns can help you learn where you are when. At first it may not be 100% accurate as you figure out what feeling is what but doing it will teach you. You can find pen and paper charts online. I use an app (for iphone or android although it sounds like iPhone) called iMood Journal. Others use Optomism which I can't try b/c my phone it too old or MoodTrackJournal and others I don't know. It takes just a second to make a notation and then you move on. It lets you see your highs and lows and will help you learn how you are doing when you feel a certain way if you stick with it for a while. For me the app is necessary; pen and paper frustrates me immensely because I never feel predominantly one way in a day just because of how my bipolar happens to work. So being able to make multiple daily entries on the app is easier. But everyone is different has different preferences.

[Crazy Hitch]

There are quite a few mood charting apps on smartphones - easy way to do it as it keeps track. Some allow you to "pick a face" that tracks your mood. You can also record hours of sleep. Dosage of medication etc. And it becomes like a personal diary. I used this method about 2 years ago and it does help if you're looking to picking up a pattern of moods and stability -it's easy to reflect back on. I keep meaning to reload one into my iPhone, so thanks for the reminder! Hope you're able to get something tracked.

[wiretwister]

My pdoc just says I am on the "spectrum" of bp , I don't think even he knows , You did real good to control under tough times , keep it up hopefully it will get easier each time ... peace to you ...

[Woolly Bugger]

I believe I'm Bipolar 1.5, if that helps.

[Soupe du jour]

I have bipolar type I, but often when I'm manic I don't realize I've reached full-blown until after the fact. I do recognize hypomania nowadays, but even with that I used to lack insight. I think the pdoc or tdoc is the best one to ask your type. They must put some kind of type in your records. All insurance companies ask for a dx code. The dx code generally gives some indication. If it is a generic code like what was Bipolar NOS, then perhaps it just isn't established. Chances are over time the illness will become clearer and clearer.

[Row Jimmy]

My p-doc doesn't seem to be giving me a direction other than "there's definitely something wrong here". He furthers his diagnosis by saying "as soon as I diagnose you with something, it will change". I am lucky - it is mild, not severe. But I can be a real jerk when I'm in my state.

I used to take Lorazapam but he refused to put me back on it because it is addictive and based on my meeting with him over the past five months, he felt things ran deeper than anxiety. So I just take my mood stabilizer (Depakote) and roll with the day.

[BipolaRNurse]

I was BP Not Otherwise Specified when first diagnosed. This is basically a wastebasket diagnosis that means "it looks like bipolar, walks like bipolar, but we don't know which flavor you have." I wound up with a bipolar 1 diagnosis but it took a long time (and a lot of episodes) to get there. Don't sweat it, you'll get a definitive diagnosis at some point.

[Hawkke]

I think getting in touch with what you're feeling and identifying symptoms sounds like a great idea and very helpful. This is challenging but comes with time. If you do a mood chart (I do on paper because when I'm very depressed it's hard to use my phone for anything) try not to overthink it - whether you check the perfect box isn't very important, you're just looking for general trends anyway so no need to stress (which would make the chart counter productive in that case!)

As far as BPI or II or NOS or whatever, personally I think it matters little other than to the doctor, and they often change their diagnosis based on symptoms anyway. Sometimes I feel people worry being diagnosed BPI as though it's worse but it's a spectrum and the treatments are similar regardless. A good doctor will base treatment on your symptoms and not the classification they have to submit to your insurance.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SilverSprings]

Thanks all soo much. I dont know why I really want to know my diagnosis... I didn't realize so many were also in my boat, esp in the beginning phases of working through this all. Thanks for comments and yes- I am doing a heck of a lot better these days! Not one big ugly angry episode for along time. i am in control- so much more then before. My mood: changes sooo much ... so that app is great, this is something another person suggested so I will bit the bullet and get it for my iPhone since I am on it all day anyhow OH and thanks for the reminder that I need to submit lots of receipts to my insurance co!! :O

[SilverSprings]

Does anyone have this happen in mania? :

Increase in compulsiveness- and sensitive to caffeine? Writing lots of emails... not being able to stay in 1 place at a given time.. feeling in another world or like another level... wanting to abuse SSRI, wanting to help everyone w/ their problems, ignoring important deadlines, (i am enrolled in a class... i have been putting off my homework/ assignments for a long time now.. Agh! ), not wanting to be pressured into making plans, yet feeling left out by everyone b/c they dont invite you and feeling paranoid? I am feeling all of this today!! I think it is mania or someting and im trying to calmly work my way through it!!

[SilverSprings]

Im feeling a little scared today. I will contact my therapist. I had increased my Prozac to 15mg, and it is supposed to be 10mg. why did i do that. i am worried about what to do and feel like my head is racing. sorry. this is anxiety....

[Capriciousness]

Hey SilverSprings,

You can read all about my two cents on this topic right here

https://bipolarfirst.wordpress.com/2...bipolar-rules/

The pdocs have never known what to do with me. They always seem confused and the generally go with BP 1. So I'm with Wooly Bugger in the 1.5 camp. Or 1 and 3/4s or some **** like that

I have spent a lot of time wrestling with these exact questions you have. The truth is that you don't have Bipolar 1 or 2 or 7 or whatever. The truth is that you have your very own version of Bipolar and you just need to learn its ways and figure out what help/treatment works for you. It isn't an easy process but yeah.

Mood charting is a great way to learn about yourself. Just make sure you don't get too worked up about it being "accurate". You don't need to present it to a committee. It should just be a tool for you in your figuring out your Bipolar.

As for your more recent questions. Yes those things have happened to me in mania. And yes it could be anxiety. Anxiety coming from the mania. As I like to say is it manic or panic. It doesn't matter. Read my link and you'll see what I'm trying to say.

Good luck. I hope you feel better. Agitated mania sucks ***.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by SilverSprings

Does anyone have this happen in mania? :

Increase in compulsiveness- and sensitive to caffeine? Writing lots of emails... not being able to stay in 1 place at a given time.. feeling in another world or like another level... wanting to abuse SSRI, wanting to help everyone w/ their problems, ignoring important deadlines, (i am enrolled in a class... i have been putting off my homework/ assignments for a long time now.. Agh! ), not wanting to be pressured into making plans, yet feeling left out by everyone b/c they dont invite you and feeling paranoid? I am feeling all of this today!! I think it is mania or someting and im trying to calmly work my way through it!!

^^ Yes this . I am willing to bet damn near any one with Bipolar can relate to some if not all that you listed.

Increase your self care. Keep flinging coping skills until something sticks.

[Capriciousness]

SilverSprings, I couldn't help myself. I just wrote this one inspired by your questions

https://bipolarfirst.wordpress.com/2...t-our-bipolar/

hugs!

[SilverSprings]

Originally Posted by Capriciousness

SilverSprings, I couldn't help myself. I just wrote this one inspired by your questions

https://bipolarfirst.wordpress.com/2...t-our-bipolar/

hugs!

This is just too darn cool! I loved it and it gave me a laugh at the end 😂 I appreciate the post and replies very much....I'm feeling so much support here, it's like a comfy place that feels like home.... that is a very nice feeling for once

[CopperStar]

I think it's fairly normal to want to know what specific type of whatever you might have. Knowledge can be very empowering, being able to put words to things can feel very empowering. It can also feel like a guide as far opening doors and trying to form a strategy for getting well, to be able to put specific words to things.

It just takes some time, though. I was diagnosed with BP1 several years ago. Now I am seeing a new psychiatrist after years without treatment, and after our first session she just wrote down "mood disorder". She told me that it does sound like bipolar disorder, and she acknowledged that my history implies that I have had some major manic or mixed episodes, which would mean BP1. She also acknowledged my mild psychosis issues, which would mean BP1 with psychotic features.

But she has to be responsible and not jump to conclusions, she has to observe me for herself over a period of time. So for now my label is "mood disorder".

However I was diagnosed for the first time several years ago, so I have already gone through the obstacle course of researching, reading, having more experiences, etc. And in the end the label doesn't even matter to me anymore. I know what I have gone through, experienced, what I still experience. I know I need some psychiatric help with it. The only people who make use of the labels are the professionals I hardly see at all. At this point I just want to fix this mess, they can call it whatever they want.

[SilverSprings]

Hello just an update and wanted to keep it on this thread so it all made sense.
Went to Pdoc after apx 3 weeks on Lamictal. Doing good- actually very well however I had a really bad morning. I am wondering what is the deal!!
Backing up: I found out my official diagnosis (for now, per Eval) is BP 2 and PTSD ! Which was interesting... the latter diag is due to allot of hidden trauma that i buried deep down a long time ago, plus all of the stuff I dealt with during my tumultuous marriage (now divorced- phew).
So, Pdoc increased my dose, started now w/ 50mg and took first dose last night. I dont know if it was related to the tapering up of meds, but i couldn't sleep for crap, i had a terrible night, woke up and completely had a melt down. I am trying to be gentle on myself i am utterly exhausted. Thankfully I can work at home, typically as needed. I am wondering what triggered me after I was so good for a few weeks. Just yesterday, my BF remarked how proud is of me, how we hadn't have any major issues lately... I was jinxed! (we were... b/c I put him through another one of my crazy devil dramas).

I also know I had caffeine before my appt yesterday which was later then normal (coffee around 5pm) so it could account for lack of sleep, plus a major storm came through, and so BF was up too... it was bad combo, then i chugged a bunch of coffee this morning, w/ my Prozac. However, i cant help but wonder if tapering up of my meds is the major player here and that it might be a temporary setback..

Any insights are greatly appreciated! Trying to just wind back to normal today after this came out of the clear blue. :|