[larali]

Hi... I'm in tears right now and can barely type, so please bear with me.

To make a long story short, I have had severe depression since my teens, and it pretty much runs my life. Last year, I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. I can't recognize my own hypomanias-- although my doctors do.

So last year or thereabouts I was put on Cymbalta and Abilify. I did OK on it but I gained 60 pounds. Stupidly, I decided to ditch my psychiatrist and go off the meds to lose weight. I am a wreck. I feel like a worm is eating my brains. I am crying constantly. Can't even go to the store without welling up. Accusing my husband of all sorts of things.... having hot flashes... obsessing about stupid stuff, and barely functioning.

I know I need to go back on the meds, but I keep hoping this is just withdrawal syndrome, and if I wait it out, I will be OK.

I'm also having a bit of a crisis because I think I want another baby (I have two kids already), and I can't be on the meds for that, but off the meds, I am not sure I can make a sound decision. I was horrifically depressed through my last pregnancy and ended up taking Zoloft in the third trimester. I really don't want to do that again.

I'm overweight and I feel terrible about myself. I am lonely and bored being a stay-at-home-mom, which makes things worse (although, not sure if I'd be able to hold down a job anyway).

I am just falling apart and I don't know what to do.

[Trippin2.0]

I quit my meds cold turkey too, the first 10 days were the absolute bowels of hell, nvm the pits.


Just wanted to let you know I sympathize, withdrawals suck, and with some psych meds, they can even be dangerous.


I hope you feel better soon.


Can you do anything to self -soothe? Like take a long bubble bath? (one of my favorite options)... Anything that makes you feel good and comforted will do.

[larali]

Thanks for the reply. I went to my therapist this morning and we decided I should probably go back on the meds for a while, at least until I am able to sort through my issues. I am not even sure that I have issues-- when I'm on meds, I'm OK with things the way they are. I am so confused.

[alincdytyourmeds]

do you have a therapist? maybe it would help to sort things out. Also, be careful that if your depression comes back do you have a plan of what to do? Take care and remember most things are temporary.

[Nammu]

I can so relate to ditching the Pdocs and meds. Sometimes it seems like we are are our own worse enemy.

Welcome to PC. There's many here who can relate.

[wiretwister]

all I know is my own story of starting and stopping while changing doseage by myself ... I have learned the hard way to (mostly) stay complient, My advice would be to contact your pdoc and ask what to do ... if you parted on bad terms try to find another ... meds and how they affect us is there job ... some are better than others at it ... I wish you the best ... please reach out ... there is help ...

[Reveille68]

Quitting Abilfy is HELL. Hang in there and see a therapist if you can.

[larali]

Thank you all for the replies. My posts are slow to be approved so I don't know when this will appear... but I am feeling ok now. I'll call pdoc tomorrow to get back on the meds. And I do have a therapist... Lord help me if I didn't!!

[jacky8807]

i think that is one of the eternal bipolar questions......are these withdrawal symptoms or bp acting up to not being medicated? Honestly i have been there and done that and many times it is going off cold turkey that can either throw you into an episode or cause a withdrawal syndrome. Cymbalta is one i have heard strongly urged to wean slowly from. (and i knew somebody who went cold turkey from it )If you want to stop it just do it with your pdoc......for safety! i hope you feel better soon and if get worse seek immediate help.

[Sesiley]

One thing with Bipolar is....not wanting to take your medication is a symptom.

You are going to have to keep trying new meds until you find just the right cocktail.

You will end up in the hospital if you aren't careful.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

[TimTheEnchanter]

I am sorry to hear your troubles. This is precisely why I do not want to start with meds (so I do not have to go through this at one point)...I often think I might try Lithium but others I reject. I have no seen my pdoc for 6 months and I think I am due to check in...

Make sure your Pdoc understands your concerns about the weight gain, as it has a large bearing on your own self worth, which in turn makes the depression worse and can lead to a whole lot of other problems that you then have to deal with.

It's good that you are going to get back and considering meds again. Sometimes as much as we hate to admit it to ourselves, it's the only option. Doesn't mean your going to be on them forever, but for now they may well be necessary. The desire for another child, that maybe a symptom of the way you are feeling about yourself, and your desire to be needed, wanted and appreciated in a way only a mother can feel. Just a thought.

Not knowing what to do. Write down what you don't like about your life. Then write down what things you have control of and what you don't. That may help you come up with a plan, and having a plan helps you feel like you are back in control to a certain extent, rather than feeling like you are spiraling out of control...

xXx

I could have written your post word for word almost.

I stopped abilify almost 2 months ago due to weight gain and pain/sickness associated with the gain.

I also stopped paxil at this time so the first few weeks, I had terrible withdrawl from paxil. I didn't notice any withdrawl from abilify. After the paxil symptoms went away, I began feeling great. weight dropped off, my appetite went to normal, I stopped sleeping 16 plus hours a day.

I began wanting another baby again. I've wanted one for 10 years (I'm 40) but I haven't been well enough.

Soon I began obsessing about people making fun of me. Thinking people are watching me and making fun of me. My depression was getting worse and worse. Then the suicidal thoughts came back.

Now I'm back on abilify and paxil. I know I will deal with weight gain and increased pain and sickness, I'm stuck and don't know what to do.

I hope your therapist and doctor are helpful for you. I can't get into my doc for 2 months and just hope my meds start working soon.

Best of luck.

i think that everyone with bipolar has ditched their meds a time or two. while i dont believe everyone needs meds (i do though, cant function without them) i think that the most important thing you can do for yourself prior to being off meds is recognize your moods and the symptoms leading up to them. learn how to maintain yourself while in such states and manage the symptoms with self care. once you can do that, i think that you could have a very good med free life : )

[larali]

Thank you for all the replies. I took one of my old Cymbaltas and it finally kicked in, and I feel fine. My body responds really well to meds. Tomorrow I go back to the psych and I have to confess my sins (going off the meds) and she will probably chew me out! But, I don't care! I want my meds!!!!

[Shadesofdark]

Originally Posted by larali

Thank you all for the replies. My posts are slow to be approved so I don't know when this will appear... but I am feeling ok now. I'll call pdoc tomorrow to get back on the meds. And I do have a therapist... Lord help me if I didn't!!

Glad to hear you are going to contact your pdoc, seems like the right move to me.

Originally Posted by larali

Thank you for all the replies. I took one of my old Cymbaltas and it finally kicked in, and I feel fine. My body responds really well to meds. Tomorrow I go back to the psych and I have to confess my sins (going off the meds) and she will probably chew me out! But, I don't care! I want my meds!!!!

Don't worry about your sins, believe me, you are not the first BP patient to self dose or go off their meds, most of us have done it! Just remember they might not be forever, after you gain some coping skills, you might not need meds, but if you do now, try to stay compliant. (Ya, try to tell that to me sometimes)

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better, hope the trend continues, keep us posted