[Hopes]

I have been severly depressed and crying, I feel extreme guilt from a huge past mistake I made while I was having a bipolar episode, and now I can't get over it and I don't want to do this to my husband or my family anymore, I love my husband and I don't want him to give me a divorce over all this especially my guilt ridden mistake! I am crying and can't pull myself out of this, I feel like I have caused myself to lose everything!

[Direction]

Welcome to PC - I think you will find lots of supportive people. It actually calms me down talking about it and responding to other people.

Is your husband filing for divorce or do you just think he wants one? I'm not sure what mistakes you've made...but one of the steps is not only forgiveness from the one you may have wronged but forgiveness from yourself.

[Hopes]

No my husband isn't filing for divorce he loves me it seems but i am bi polar and having an extremely hard time regretting something that happened 4 years ago, when I was in a bi polar episode, I can't forgive myself and I don't and Can't live like this anymore.

[Direction]

Does your husband know about this regretable event? Or is it still something unspoken? If he knows, then you probably are betting yourself up. The one person that is hardest to forgive is ourselves.

Do attend church? Can you talk to a minister or church leader?

[fogboxer]

Hi,
Whatever happened is in the past, and you really do have to forgive yourself. I'm not sure if your mistake was related to sex, but mine certainly was/were. When I'm (hypo)manic I go into sexual overdrive, and I have several times jeapordized my marriage because of this. The last episode was what pushed me to contact my doctor. Through therapy I've been (slowly) learning to forgive myself, and to recognize that this is part of having bipolar II. It's not a moral failing or some insurmountable character flaw on my part. Please keep telling yourself this. My husband loves me, as I'm sure yours does. What matters now is that you take care of yourself and look to the future. I still feel guilty about the things I have done in the past, but am slowly realizing that they were influenced by something that was largely out of my control. You really do need to forgive yourself, and allow yourself to enjoy the love and support that I'm sure your husband has for you. I hope that together you can work through this depression. I feel your pain and send all my support and best wishes to you.

[onyx69000]

sorry to hear you are in this delima i too have been there. forgiving your self is the hardest thing to do. but try. don't let it eat you a live. do you have a therapist? talking always helps meds do too-onyx

[mlpHolmes]

HI Hopes!! I am so sorry you are hurting. It sounds complicated, I know you are new to PC, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to talk it out here among friends who care so much about you and can empathize with your situation. (((((((((((HOPES))))))))))))
Take care

[bizi]

Just wanted to encourage you to post and vent and talk thru this.
Do you ahve a therapist to help you thru these feelings as well as learn coping skills.
Perhaps you guys could go to couples counseling to work on your marriage.
I am sorry that you are feeling so depressed.
Being bipolar can be a full time job and you have children to raise which is already a full time job.
You must be exhausted.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I, too, have a lot of guilt about things I have done. I have bipolar as well & about 9 mos. ago I overdosed. I felt such guilt & shame for putting my husband through that, but my doc has helped me realize I wasn't in my right mind & that the medication changes have helped a lot.

She asked me if I plan/need to punish myself for the rest of my life? I was doing it to myself--my husband isn't constantly berating me or anything--it's me. I don't need to "pay" for the rest of my life for behaviors I did when I was not in my right mind, but I do have to work my hardest to get into a more rational state & stay there. As a previous poster wrote, handling bipolar is a job in itself.

Take care. I can relate to what you are going through.--Suzy

[PetulantWolf]

Im a bit late on this but I would think the best way to put the past behind you is to concentrate on the present. Its not how you feel that matters..its what you DO. Even though you feel guilty and are obsessing- you are obsessing- I know becasue I do it also, dont let it change your behavior. Go through the motions at first if you have to.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to get on with things. If you really want to make up for whatever youve done- be the best you that you can be right now. That will help your family. And doing that that means letting go of the guilt.

You were ill. You dont have to feel guilty. You wouldnt want someone to feel guilty about asthma or high blood pressure, ...Dont be so hard on yourself. You were just being human. We've all done things we regret. Living your life obsessing about the past is not really living.

You can do it...I know you can.

[TrinaTrina]

Hi, Hopes.

What happened was a long time ago, and you gotta give yourself credit for regretting it. But it's over now, and has been said, what matters is what you do now and in the future. Are you talking with a therapist about this? Have you talked to your psychiatrist? It sounds like you could really use a good med change. How do you like your psychiatrist? (I'm new here & don't know the standard abbrevs. for some of these terms on this forum yet).

Take care, & keep talking to us. Things will get better.