[stuckinreverie]

I feel like such a pathetic individual most days.

I still live at home with the parents, I have a job that I hate that hates me back.... No matter how hard I try at this job I never get recognized, just held back.. I have no friends and only the family I live with as far as I'm concerned. Even then, I would trade my current family (minus my sibs) for a box of matchbooks. And I don't even smoke.

Every friend I ever make just stops talking to me, or treats me poorly, or just keeps me around for what I can do for them instead of being genuinely interested in me as a person. Almost every long distance relationship I've ever been in, I've been emotionally abused or manipulated.

I've tried everything I can think of to make friends from board game clubs to book clubs, things I like to things I have no interest in....

I've been suffering with bipolar 2 all of my life, but only medicated for it in the last few years and every time I get on a poor combination of meds, I feel as low and black cloud as I do today. And it often makes me feel like no one cares because I have no one to help me through it.

I've seen my doc today and changed meds, but even so, I feel so much despair and I just feel like no one cares about me, not even me myself or I. Can someone please just tell me it will be okay? I've suffered through feeling this way for almost 14 years, and as a result I just feel like there's no hope because nothing ever improves.

Does any one have any advice for me?

[lovejoy91]

It will be ok. Friends come and go but take a moment to reflect back on what type of friends you want around you and learn from your previous mistakes with the friends you had.

[Edgar's Mom]

Every time I'm depressed I feel like that-- even though I have good friends. When I feel depressed I feel like they aren't my friends after all, that I was somehow mistaken. When I'm depressed I also feel like it's always been that way, and that I've never been up, even though I know I have. I know it would be extremely difficult for me to make new friends while depressed.

This will pass. You will feel better. As for friends... it might be a good idea for you to look at what types of people you are choosing-- people with whom you invest your precious time and emotional energy into getting to know.

Over the years I have learned how to tell which people are worth my time and which ones would be a waste. I've made mistakes, investing months and lots of feelings into sharing with people who later turn out to not be worth it (two women once turned on my when they found out I was BP)

Are you able to have therapy? It might be a good idea to look at your relationship patterns. You might be setting yourself up by choosing people who are not capable of reciprocating a friendship. So it would be a good idea to figure why you are choosing people who turn out to be abusive. This is not uncommon for people who have a history of abuse and I did it myself for years. I didn't know any different.

I am not saying this is your fault in any way or that you are somehow to blame for their actions. That is absolutely not the case. What I am saying, is that you have the power to make better decisions. You can learn how to recognize these people early in the game and ditch them before you get too far in.

I used to unconsciously choose TERRIBLE people and my life was a mess because of it. After lots of therapy, I learned enough and was interested and attracted by different traits in people. As result I am very fortunate to have some very good long term friends and am married to the most wonderful man. But it wasn't always this way :-)

The good news is that you can learn how to recognize people who are worth your time and learn how to read the red flags that should send you running for the hills. If you can't have therapy there are lots of books out there.

Anytime someone has trouble respecting your boundaries, says things to make you feel worthless, analyses you with the intention to make you feel worthless, tries to make you feel jealous or insecure, tries hard to control your behaviour--- RUN.

In the meantime, know that you will make friends. You just need to be patient. While you are waiting, use this forum, connect with people here and do everything you can to learn how to change the relationships you are choosing. Do not waste your time with a55holes :-)

And you will feel better. Hang in there.

(((((((((HUG))))))))

Lisa

[gina_re]

It will be ok. It's so hard to see right now, I know because I've definitely been there. It's easier said than done, but it does get better. I've found that being on these message boards lets you know that you aren't alone. We've all had those days, weeks, months...
But finding the right cocktail is difficult so I know the frustration. Once that is fixed your mood will, change, your life will change. We're all here for you. PM me if you ever want to vent or chat, I know how lonely it can be.

[stuckinreverie]

Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words. It really was what I needed to hear tonight.

Thank you so much

I am in therapy now, have been for a few years, but sometimes it just feels like I'm venting. sometimes it's good and I get feedback or suggestions on how to proceed and change and develop. I have tried other therapists before but the only one I feel comfortable with is the one whose techniques I just described. She is the only one who helps me keep my chin up but I didn't have an appointment until tomorrow.

I have just lost my best friend of 3 years over nothing, and I have had a lot of people walk out on me so those kind of wounds are still tender.

I am really happy about these encouraging words, I think this is a really great forum. You guys are wonderful.... hugs all around.