How do you tell when you're in disability territory?

I understand what you are saying. What I am not sure you understand is my situation, is that there is nothing (that I can see) that I can do. It is easy to tell someone that they are an adult, that they can work to change things, etc but there is never any specific instructions, because going into specifics can reveal very quickly that the person actually doesn't have options, and nobody wants to have that conversation, because good people (like yourself) feel compelled to have solutions, and when there aren't any solutions, suddenly the good person might feel like they have failed somehow. Or something.

So on one hand, I ask that you please not lecture me without understanding my situation. But on the other hand, I understand that you have good intentions, so I'm trying not to be huffy. Especially because I know there have been plenty of times I have tried to give encouragement or advice to someone, meaning well, without fully knowing what I was talking about. I understand that urge to lecture with good intentions, when you want to help and don't know how else to try.

Everything in this realm of issues stems from the fact that I am financially dependent on my mother. Therefore the only way I can remedy many issues is to become financially independent. For this I need a job. In order to get a job, I need transportation. I have exhausted my options within the 3 mile radius of the house. Months ago I did get one interview, but I couldn't pass the written tests because there was so much chaos and anxiety in my head that I couldn't even read the pages. That was like my "lucky break" getting that interview back then, and my mental health problems blew it. Normally I would just be like well I'm ****ed and have a much harder time fighting off the suicidal thoughts than usual, but in this current situation, my mother is loaded with cash and could easily afford to buy me a used car. It presents this flicker of 'hope' and then she squashes it by acting like I'm not worthy of receiving that help from her, and also implying her expectation that I am just to remain like her pet human living isolated and dependent in her house indefinitely. OR that she expects me to walk like 12 miles per day outside come this Winter and get really sick again (she knows I am prone to pneumonia and have gotten it multiple times before). And this just hurts me the way it has always hurt me when she regards me as unworthy of helping, and it also makes me feel hopeless.

I think more than anything it makes me resent how strong I am. I've always been proud of how strong I am. I've always been a crazy loser, but I've always been stronger than anyone I know. I've survived harsh winters as a pedestrian, I've survived homelessness in a rough city, I've survived being abused for years of my life, and I survived it all in silence without getting help, because that is how I was conditioned to be. And lately I don't see it as strength anymore. I don't see myself as strong anymore. I see myself as a fool who sacrificed myself for someone who has never even truly loved me, just sees me as a possession. I always thought it would pay off somehow. I would keep all of her nasty secrets, bear the abuse, play the role of her therapist, let her parentify me. I would be the strong one, and someday when I finally broke, she would help me.

It's not like I see her as responsible for my life so much as I just want a normal parent and a normal life. And I've spent years fighting so hard for that, at least the normal life part, and now I'm here, just a fool who trapped herself by not losing control and getting attention and help every time I should have. Instead I was so "strong" and now I'm ****ed.

You can file for disability and if awarded you can still work a part time job. My son has disability but works also. But the SSA doctors have said he can not manage his own money so keep that in mind. That can happen to you. They can also take your drivers licenses away. When you file and if you are approved they may make stipulations and you make not agree with them. However if filing and getting approved for disability will mentally help you and improve your quality of life then do it.

They can also put you in touch with groups to help you live on your own. My son has autism and mild retardation.

I'm terribly sorry if my post sounded like a lecture. I did not intend that at all, I meant to explain to you that I think I understand your situation better than you think I might. Actually, I was not financially dependent upon my mother after age 18, BUT I have always been financially dependent upon my husband (for 34 years). The best I could ever manage was part-time, low-paying work. I did raise our wonderful children (I broke a lot of cycles there!), but they've been out of the home for 8 years and my husband still (mostly) supports me financially.

From what you've posted it sure sounds like your mom has hooked you into a situation in which she has most of the power. She likes you to believe you're unworthy, thus all the more dependent upon her.

You posted: 'I think more than anything it makes me resent how strong I am. I've always been proud of how strong I am. I've always been a crazy loser, but I've always been stronger than anyone I know. I've survived harsh winters as a pedestrian, I've survived homelessness in a rough city, I've survived being abused for years of my life, and I survived it all in silence without getting help, because that is how I was conditioned to be. And lately I don't see it as strength anymore. I don't see myself as strong anymore. I see myself as a fool who sacrificed myself for someone who has never even truly loved me, just sees me as a possession. I always thought it would pay off somehow. I would keep all of her nasty secrets, bear the abuse, play the role of her therapist, let her parentify me. I would be the strong one, and someday when I finally broke, she would help me. '

Oh my friend, you are not alone! There are so many like us. My mom conditioned me to be strong, too, because that worked really well for HER- and that's why I've had so many people in my life who turn to me, use me, and act like I have no right to have needs. I'm ALWAYS the strong one...and quietly falling apart inside, swallowing a bunch of pills so I can KEEP BEING STRONG.......

Or am I a fool?

So no, I'm not trying to lecture you...if anything, I give you credit...life is so hard! And you made it this far!

I'm just trying to understand and offer experience, and doing so online is tricky. I don't know how old you are - you could be 25, you could be 55 - I thought you were man, but you referred to yourself as 'herself'. I'm truly trying to be helpful, because I truly DO spot a lot in your posts that I believe I can empathize with in various ways.

I don't think your mom will ever change this convenient situation. No, I don't think she will finally help you as long as she's alive.

Have you ever discussed any of these issues with her directly? Also, have you seen a therapist?

I agree with cakeladie! Definitely file. At least give it a try.

I started the process myself last week. I am incredibly paranoid though...let me explain briefly: I lost my parental rights to my 2 boys from my ex husband because he lied about me. I had one hospital stay for a day out of my whole life(voluntary, the dr. via military clinic didn't want to see me so sent me there). That's it. Not a single blemish otherwise on my record. Well, now I have a daughter with my bf, and am terrified of losing her in any way. I keep thinking if I am honest with a doctor 100% or some type of authority, they will say I am unfit and take her. News stories do not help. In reality, children are the only people that don't aggravate my illness, because they are innocent and not judgmental like adults.

I have had five jobs my whole life and walked out on all but one due to stress. The last one was the worst. I cried about every other shift. Worked hard, just couldn't keep it together emotionally. Interactions with unfamiliar people usually does not end well with me.

So I figured, I am not married now..my bf could either leave me or die at any time. How would I support myself and our daughter? I couldn't. I called up the office in my town that gets the process going. However, I told the guy filing my case that I am not always feeling low. I thought he would have dealt with bipolar cases before. Apparently not? He said since sometimes I can function, he isn't sure if I qualify and will get back to me. Now, I was honest to the point of saying 'I don't feel like doing anything' when I'm in a depressed episode. I didn't tell him I think about suicidal thoughts or anything(I have never attempted, just idealized) or how I used to hallucinate when I wasn't medicating well. Or my meltdowns every week. Should I have? I am already on welfare, so I feel like I am one step away from my kid being taken away just because.

Ugh.

I'm 28 and im on it for now. Ive been IP 8 times since 2013 and two er visits for ODs. Im working on myself right now.

For me, I was having great difficulty just getting up and going to work every day. It was a great relief for me when I was approved for disability. Just as cakelady mentioned, SS approved, but I had to have someone else control my finances. It wasn't too big of an issue when my wife as the admin, but after she died in 2010, my crazy, 70 something mother took control of the finances. That's been a tough situation. I don't know what I will do after my mother passes.

How does someone else take control? My bf is already on my bank account. Is that enough? Or, I am assuming you need a power of attorney? What all do they control too? Sorry if this was answered. I can't read all of the responses at the moment.

The person who will be controlling your finances goes to the SS office with you and fills out the paperwork. They give them all of the instructions, including how to fill out a report at the end of year to show expenses. I have a joint checking account with my mother, but in reality, I'm not supposed to have access to the account at all. I didn't have to get a power of attorney. They are supposed to pay your bills from the account, and provide you with funds from the account as needed. Obviously, the person controlling your funds must only spend that money on you and your needs.

Yea, I would be afraid someone would take advantage of my situation and spend my money. Would they listen if it did happen, and told them? Or would they think,"She's just crazy."

I think SS takes this very seriously. I believe there is a federal charge involved if someone controlling your finances steals from you. After my mother passes, I don't want to have a person assigned to control my account. I would definitely fear someone trying to take advantage of me.

This thread has helped me to think seriously about applying for SDI. I feel like I've fought this war long and hard enough, been STRONG for way too long, I'm completely depleted and exhausted and just done.