[Curiosity77]

Hey, I used to come here a lot, but it's been a few months. Things have mostly been good. Kind of amped up, but stable. Just experiencing things. I'm 6 months into a relationship, and i love him. He just moved in with me. But in the past few weeks he's been acting pretty crude, saying some disgusting things. I know he's joking, but it upsets me. I never saw that side of him in the first few months. Maybe it's just that he's more comfortable. Anyways, tonight he said something really degrading to me. He was joking, but it made me feel bad about myself. So i told him that i know he was kidding, but i don't like that. He got super quiet, than eventually said he just accepts my personality, and doesn't say anything when i annoy him. Then he said he thinks i talk too much, and "bombard" him, and the things i say are boring. So i'm thinking wtf? If i'm boring him why is he hanging out with me, and why did he move in? I'm really hurt, and questioning everything. This doesn't really have to do with bipolar, except maybe my judgment is poor, or something. I just don't know where else to talk about this. I'm embarrassed to tell my friends. I don't know what to think, or what to do. Why is my self esteem so low that i put up with this?

[simon007]

Just dump him, you dont have to put up with it.

[freaka]

tell him to pack his **** up and get out if he doesn't like you.
it's that easy.

[CopperStar]

Run for the hills. It will only get worse. Of course he didn't do this in the beginning, he was "love bombing" you. Now that he has you hooked, the games can begin.

My second relationship was very similar. He would do/say things to make me upset, so that I would get upset and he could then hurt me even more by throwing things back in my face. It was never-ending, and the longer I put up with it, the worse it got.

Like as one of many examples, he would imply that I wasn't attractive enough for him. When I would call him out on being emotionally abusive, he would then lay into me about how boring I was. When I would suggest we go do something together, he would explain to me that he knows I don't want to do anything so we can't. When I would explain that we could go do things any time, he would accuse me of starting the fight in the first place.

It's all just a game to malignant sorts. They get inside your head and play with you, like a cat playing with a dying mouse. Run, run, run.

[elevatedsoul]

that sounds horrible...
you do deserve better

Good to see you, Curiousity! I've been wondering how you're doing.

I hate to say it, but I think CopperStar's on the money with this. And like her, (unfortunately) from personal experience.

Kick him to the curb. Now. The very nature of this only makes it harder as time goes on.

Believe me, I hate to have to say that to you. But I'd hate far worse for you to be subjected to the trajectory this takes.

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

I just don't know where else to talk about this. I'm embarrassed to tell my friends. I don't know what to think, or what to do. Why is my self esteem so low that i put up with this?

This goes hand-in-hand with it. It's very isolating and knowing up from down just gets harder and harder.

(Also, the joking isn't joking, it's passive-aggression. And note that he never owned it. It just went straight back to you -- you're not supposed to have called him on it, and btw, x,y and z put-downs too! (Let me put it another way too, because there's so much happening at once which is why it gets so boggling so fast.) He said the negative thing. You did not say a negative thing, you merely called him on it. Not only did he not own it or show remorse, he does quite the opposite -- he tells you what a good guy he is (*I* never say anything when you...) and then throws more on the insult pile.)

Yeah. Not good.

[lovejoy91]

He's showing his true colors. Believe them.

[raspberrytorte]

He sounds like a jerk. Get rid of him. You definitely do deserve better.

[Chickenkicker]

This guy is doing you a favor, really. He's running a huge red flag up the pole with fireworks and a siren in the background, showing what life will be like with him. Now that the 'new' has worn off and his clothes are hanging in your closet, he can put his 'game' back into the box and carry on with his real self...a self you don't really care for. 'Joking' that hurts you like this does is NOT joking. I'm thinking its a mechanism to sink your self-worth and make it easier for him to start a pattern of control. Relationships are like buildings, and when you start off a new one on a really shaky foundation, failure and endless pain are in sight.

6 months into this relationship and its already building resentments. Try to imagine how dysfunctional it will be after a couple of years. When you told him you didn't like something, instead of finding a way of changing his behavior...he threw something back at you to deflect responsibility for the discomfort he caused you. Life as bipolar is hard enough, and if he resists adjusting himself willingly for something simple, you can guess he'll run like the wind if it gets hard and you become unstable...and need him the most.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Ditto to all the above! It will only get worse!

[Nammu]

I have to agree with the others, these are huge warning signs. Emotional abuse is abuse and very damaging. If he won't pack his bags do it for him. Give him x amount of time to leave and the day after change the locks.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm with everyone else. Pack his **** and get him the hell out of your house before he does further damage to your self-esteem. Trust me, this is only going to get worse...I've seen it happen to too many good women.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think that we all have boundaries when it comes to what makes us feel comfortable. I hope that yours are listened to and respected

[~Christina]

Im glad to see you ..

As others said , Get him out of your life now, It will get worse, I still have emotional and physical scars from a situation like this.

Stay safe

[yanks7]

I am not a relationship guru, but is sounds like you were setting legitimate bounders and he countered with shame and ridicule. **** him and the horse he rode in on!

How are you doing, sweetie? You've been in my thoughts...it can't be an easy time. Sending you strength.

When people show you who they are, believe them!

[behappynow]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

Hey, I used to come here a lot, but it's been a few months. Things have mostly been good. Kind of amped up, but stable. Just experiencing things. I'm 6 months into a relationship, and i love him. He just moved in with me. But in the past few weeks he's been acting pretty crude, saying some disgusting things. I know he's joking, but it upsets me. I never saw that side of him in the first few months. Maybe it's just that he's more comfortable. Anyways, tonight he said something really degrading to me. He was joking, but it made me feel bad about myself. So i told him that i know he was kidding, but i don't like that. He got super quiet, than eventually said he just accepts my personality, and doesn't say anything when i annoy him. Then he said he thinks i talk too much, and "bombard" him, and the things i say are boring. So i'm thinking wtf? If i'm boring him why is he hanging out with me, and why did he move in? I'm really hurt, and questioning everything. This doesn't really have to do with bipolar, except maybe my judgment is poor, or something. I just don't know where else to talk about this. I'm embarrassed to tell my friends. I don't know what to think, or what to do. Why is my self esteem so low that i put up with this?

Honestly, get rid of him.

[Tucson]

I am sorry to hear that he is treating you this way. I guess there was not much of a "honeymoon" period of time that I would expect in this type of situation. I am in no mental state to hive you advice. But please do not let this situation with The Jerk lower you self-esteem. He apparently has issues that he needs to deal with. Until he realizes this, well, I just hope this does not turn out to be what is normal in your relationship with him.

PS I am very happy to see you again!!!

[Trippin2.0]

Great to have you back!

((((((((((Curiosity))))))))))


I'm in agreement with the majority of posters. Get rid of this joke of a man fast.


Its only been 6 months, the longer you ALLOW this to continue IN YOUR OWN HOME, the harder it will be to break it off with him.


Do it now, a swift and clean cut, right through the damn middle.


The fact that you feel isolated and can't talk about this to your friends is SCARY, because if you keep him around, it will get worse and the isolation will drive you mad.


I know what I speaketh of...


He is not who or what he lead you to believe, stop waiting for that guy to magically appear.


I waited, and I have the scars and baggage to prove it.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

I've been thinking about you! How are things?

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by Hashi/bipolar mom

I've been thinking about you! How are things?

I'm better, thanks for checking. I talked to him and he agreed not to drink, because things are great without alcohol. He hasn't had a drink since, which was 3 weeks ago, and he saw a counselor. So things are better. I'm hoping that was just a rough patch.

Other than that i've been mildly depressed, after a long period of stable euthymia. Some work stress, and some other issues. I'm hoping it's just a blip, and not the start of serious depression. There are good things in my life too, so trying to focus on those things.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

I'm glad that he is seeing a counselor and not drinking! That is definitely a start. Always try to focus on good stuff, at least that is what I tell myself. Hang in there sweetie! Post and keep us updated on you!