[Takeshi]

I'm ruining my life, I just like to know.

(There's no triggering material down there, it's just my confused head, and that is too long, but there are some more questions, and I want you to read them, answer them if you can. My head's screwed, this is the best I can do..I just wanted to keep this thread simple, and my head's not that simple )

Possible trigger:

I'm just too scared to ask questions here. I see so many ppl goes back and forth between on/off medications, I know I can't stay the course, I already got two strikes at work, my boss called and told me.. And I see so many signs of my life's deteriorations, for example this untidy mess, I was too jittery all morning, everything was getting my attentions and every little things wanted me to have thoughts, I was like this yesterday too. At work, I was writing something all morning, neglecting my work, 8 pages, 8 pages of my crap thoughts that I was gonna post here and decided against.

There's just so many signs that I'm so unstable, I am spinning out.

The medication/stabilizer I was on, Lithium. I've read a lot of scary story, damages to your body, and I don't trust doctors 100%, I just can't. I just need a little bit of help, but this doctor seems to be so strict about med compliance, and I'm usually too honest, and I just can't lie and use the system for my symptoms.

I have many reasons for not seeing a doctor any more. One of the biggest concern is that the meds were making me irritable, I say it was uncontrollable. And this was happening during winter time when I usually get depressed, my mood during those period was like blah, for days and days, that's why after 2yrs on meds, I quit.

Now, it's August, the hight of the summer and I've been going up and up, I don't get mania or psychosis or any of that sort that I've read here. I was getting better at seeing how I was doing, at first, my own behavior often surprised me, but now, that's just my normal state.

With my job at stake, I know I'd be even more unstable, I don't think I can make it without some kind of help. But the doctor's office, that just made me feel that I had no control over my life. I don't even know if any psych doctors available here are good ones. I've read somewhere on the internet that only a few psych doctors are qualified to diagnose MI properly here in Japan, and everything I've read about psych meds has both sides, some say it works, the other say it doesn't.

There are many other things like doubts, questions and most importantly, things that I believe in, that are just confusing my decision making right now.

I was screaming more than 10,20 times like "urrgh!!" this morning, I haven't done anything productive all day, I can stay here and keep my head focused in this typing but it'll only last while I'm typing here. It's like my mind goes every which way, I know (and, yes, everything I see, it can be said that I know or I will know), that I've been acting in a particular way that is to say, that there's something wrong with me.

Then I come to this part of forum and have been trying to find any similarities to what's going on inside my head and I see some, but most ppl seems to get depressed more than I do.

When I first diagnosed, I wanted the best medication, so I searched the study and some time later, I joined here. Long story short, I think I covered the basics of MI, yes, DSM. I just don't feel like I'm cycling, I could fall into depression in a few months but I can never tell.

This is my first non meds experiment and I'm hitting a road block here.

A few facts about me right now:

1. It is obvious in everybody's eyes that I'm not doing well mentally.
2. I can't change my belief that I know about myself better than anyone, doctors included.
3. I need help, obviously, it is affecting my life badly.

Probably, I'm doing everybody else's doing or have done before. I can't be sure of anything, I can't be sure of myself either. When I sent this and go do something else, other thoughts will flood in and I easily forget what I've done. It's been like this for a while. And I was never like this before the meds, but some say, bipolar symptoms can get severe over the years. Who knows my last meds might've messed with my head? Legitimate question, isn't it?

It's okay for me to lose this mental edge or whatever by going back to the medication. Knowing what I know, it's scary but I can take it. But can I do it with hope that one day I go med-free again? What about the winter time? Can I just have a little bit of say in that treatment with pills?

I failed but I can try it again. Lots of people do it, so what I was asking were all rhetorical questions. Let me rephrase them and ask something what I really want to know.

Does anyone's mood affected by seasonal change like mine?

Warm months: High, Colder months: Low

So far, I'm convinced that I have hypomanic symptoms during those months. And since this spring, I've seen enough evidence of that. Today, my head is like at the highest state that I've felt in my entire life, I'm like this because this is my day off, I do better during my work days. But I'm slightly going out of sync, maybe more than I know. I haven't read extensively in this part of forum, but i've read some and I haven't seen anything similar to mine, maybe I've missed it.

Has anyone's hypomania been lasted extensive period of time like mine?

I know my background is vastly different than most of members here but I need something, anything that could help me. I'm desperate, I'm breathing hard finishing this up now. It's hard but I'm keeping my head together.

I'm not asking you to diagnose me, and I can read and I can answer questions.

Thanks for reading.

Additional Info about me:

1. I've had about 7 yrs of total isolation from anything out side of this room. It's called 'Hikikomori'. You can look it up on the internet, and Japanese psychologists or some saids that a lot of 'em suffer from BP(2). I don't know if it's true, it could be just media talking, all ********. How could they study someone like me, if they never talked or went outside? The study is bull. Something messed my head up, that much is true. I don't think it's hereditary.

Length of hypomania isn't specific to any one person. It can last from weeks to sometimes a couple of months, depending on the person, their meds, their cognitive skills (what helps your control your impulses during hypo)

[Takeshi]

I'm such a mess, how does ppl do what they do here?

I haven't seen freaked out posts like mine anywhere, I'm really sorry about the mess I've created behind me, it's really hard to catch up with myself today. I need a reset button and I can't find it...

[Hoonoo]

Hi! I read your great post and also I read about hikikimori. You have an amazing story. I'd love to know more about a typical day for you and any dreams or thought you have or have had. I'm BP II so I get you a bit

[Christopher1990]

I'm bipolar 1. Hypomania usually lasts a couple of weeks for me. It's never too long before it turns into mania. Mania doesn't last long, but it's severe.

I understand your struggle with medication. Studies have shown psych drugs can actually make symptoms worse at times. I read a study that said up to 90% of people on anti-depressants relapse. While, people that don't go on antidepressants only have a 20% chance of relapse. I would not recommend stopping anything without assistance. And, if you do, do not go off cold turkey. Your brain needs time to adjust.

Last time I weaned myself off meds, I regained my mental sharpness and everything. But, I had trouble sleeping and had to drink every night to go to sleep. I lasted about 5months off meds until another manic episode. Oddly, the episode happened when I stopped drinking for 3 days. Couldn't sleep.

And with seasonal symptoms. I believe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. My manic episodes almost always come after summer, during the start of the fall. Depressions during the winter. When there's less sunlight.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Takeshi]

'morning! I got two things, very personal and valuable result from what I've been doing since last night. my brain went to bed and took 7hrs of sleep time! It knows what it wants. I feel okay, because I'm intact. Would I be okay out there in the world? Screw up is a screw up. Life or death. Honesty, man, sorry I have to do this, kinda, it just Jap thing, we like to say that. This is really,,me and outside world, im not talking about you guys here, no matter the understanding what we or the listner talk about, they take offence, i was thinking of what my boss told me on the phone.

Me, my action and what I say,,I think I've told somewhere that I talk to myself all the time, my shield, my protection and sometimes, I have to admit, i use it as weapon, my nuke,

Here's the thing man, I can't lose anything I've learnt here, (No crying pls,,i gotta finish this...)

I know she doesn't understand this, the freedom fighter, the country builder, a teacher a tourguide, a poet, o so many great thing. I want to do the mind meld thing with her brain, she's got so many qualities that makes her, the original self. (Thank you, thank you, thank you Venusss, ****, my internet's broken i can't gooogle.)

The gist of it is, I followed her post from teh beginning, idk,,,like 1yrs worth, or maybe 2. And her sig, about the nukes, amazing piece of tech, as it is now, it's made to kill. not many ppl seems to be seeing it as ,,yea, as the creater of technology saw in it. Misinterpretation, misuse. Seeing things as is. I do this and take the good, see the good in it. So, after a long hours of my soul search last night, I traveled back through time, found nothing, I'm made of something like soft ball of mass gathering dust here and there, shaping me.

Who makes you you? Are you really something, something what you think you're made of? Or is it the other that surrounds you that defines/mold/shape you? What really comes inside of you? You have to know,,well,,I had to know that first.

(what the hell? did I write that? everything, mr mafioso told me once, you say it you're done with the word, in my case, i forget, this is a tad bit concern of mine if i make it so, this makes me feel like im becoming a liar, im not recognizing these 100% of me and what he said a second, a min, a day ago...)

malleability of human brain

my own insecurity vs other's own insecurity

(this, I was learning it again, but you can throw it out of the window, I don't know what I do with this, if I don't keep that in mind, ill appear in the other's eyes, that I'm a rude person. in my heart of the heart, I'd love to do this, say into someone's face, "it is your ****ing insecurity, go **** yourself" and see what else comes out of that person. Drop the facade and I can see you. So quick, everyone's brain, snap, snap!, even before i reach 'sssssna', the brain will be moving on to the next thing. So in a way, I'm not listening. True right? If you are not a blind man, you're taking in all the other details of the person, i dont know how much, it's like sniffing a glass of wine with your eyes closed or ,,nah..im not going there.

As you can see, I got something out of it, from the last night's brain experiment, my own telekinetic psychological lobotomy or something,,(my head was hurting so, ). It was performed using every tools available at that time, and I'm still alive.

I'm taking a break. I'm still happy, my work, yeah,,,,

We often say that 'we work on ourselves', we keep doing that and sharing what they are doing. Pure work. This doesn't sound right. guess the word work, ,,,,my thoughts/sparks jumped to the stone age or something, ppl hunted, gathered berries, and the joy, whatever they looks like, they had the same pure joy there, he/she got what they wanted, proved him/herself right. Of course, they also knows about the hard times, when food were scarce.

Me, I could have so many negative labels on me, if someone were to ask me about myself, it's kinda your job to see me. I don't fight other people,

Word, word, word,,,Pacifist. Does that have anything to do with pacifier? a baby, sissy?? that's for another time,,,

I can't say that I'm antiwar, or I am anything, I see what's in front of me and be myself, that's all I can do.

A heroin addict, say, who's about to inject with his/her sad eyes. I've never met a person like that, but I think I know what I can do if I were there. This is a progress of my work, the work that not so many people recognize. There's always something else going on.

"Be kind, you have the kindness, you're seeing the inner battle that you know nothing about, yet."

Then if you wanna help, do.

I got no advice or any more things to say, this is not a truth finding, **** like that. I'm not smart to understand that yet. At some point, most ppl choose direction, i'm not understanding why ppl can find their callings..My work won't earn me cents, I could say, 'Don't let anyone affect you....', if that gets you lose your way. ..

I'm thinking, debating with myself a little, that after all this words came to my head, they were stored there already by the way, these are all piceces of the puzzle, I don't know what to do with mine.

I see someone else's puzzle pieces, I won't know which ones I get to see, then if I felt something, I see the person. ,,OSP. I gotta go get that book i guess. I'm not expecting much there though.

This is all tools, i won't say that you're. Never.

And I'm dropping it now. I just exist, as meaningless as an inanimate object. And I feel comfort in that.

Thank you! (man,,,i so wanted to stop my heart last night, i felt that it almost lost the rhythm.)

)

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by Hoonoo

Hi! I read your great post and also I read about hikikimori. You have an amazing story. I'd love to know more about a typical day for you and any dreams or thought you have or have had. I'm BP II so I get you a bit

Typical. I want tropical instead.. It's laundry day man, so boring. And think, how it's been done all these years since we started wearing, covering ourselves up with clothes, a piece of cloth, why? and you have a fun thing to think about all day.

In all seriousness, I thought I did okay during work day, but like I said, i knew that it was obvious even to myself that some of my mind was out there(double meaning here), damn,,doublethink, I didn't like that in the book, but I see how it can work for me for my survival. I also wanna find out more about the author, he put a few pages of explanation about newspeak and oldspeak at the end. It wasn't a good ending, I just wonder why put it there.

I was on a trip, metaphorically speaking, and I just got back. I'm still thinking, I know what you're asking, I just can't answer that right now, typical,,not about you, it's just sounds ugly to me, not a pretty word...

Come stay with me and you'll see.

'hikikomori', I'm a former one at that. But the saved ones, wherever they are, if they were molded by others to fit into society, and the support, or the persons/families with a good heart if I may add, if they also wanted to mold the 'afflicted', instead of seeing what they really are, instead of helping them help themselves....

I'm an outsider wherever I go. I'm wired differently. o really? No, that is not true, you make the connection on the spot

See? I can't even do this catch ball here, but you asked, i do okay, i been expressing myself more, been talking to more ppl, i jsut make faces, and it often saids taht im not understanding what you just said

[Takeshi]

This Giga! internet is so so slow today..45 bucks/mo !!! I should kill 'em...

Anyhow, unless some doctors put me under the microscope and learn everything about me, I don't think I can take much medical help, I know it could save my other life....

Doctors are treated AS GOD. You can read that on the internet as well. God complex, **** me.

Find good doctors, please. Marketing force, the big pharma, even this place, I heard from somewhere that the finance comes from their money...

Sun's energy, all those particles, they could be my energy source. My survival and this earth's survival, we know the sun dies some time in the future. Do we last till then??

I just keep trying, trying to see what's right in front of me, usually my thought stops there. I struggle seeing the possibility with good outcome vs the reality, the ******/failed reality pushed into my face..

Time to take a break again,,

This may look like way more than an addiction, my rep here, i never cared...what's done is done, i just feel good. we are all **** ups, yes you can deny that.

If you like someone, stay there, wait for them to come back, ,,,

I disappear, and I never come back, 'cos nobody waits that long. It just takes as long as it takes, ,,

My mind wanders, don't mind that.

What a day it was.. I should try to talk to TIME, and see what kinda response I create withing me.

Have a nice day! A DAAAAAY. made up of ...how many miliseconds is that?

ETA: My typical day? This just happend, a big ****ing cicada scared the bejesus outta me, yes, nature loves me so I don't feel so alone.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I just wanted to say that I have seasonal patterns to my episodes as well. I tend to be down in the winter and I always get manic in June. I use a blue light in the winter to help with the depression (it's called seasonal affective disorder or SAD here when it happens like that) but I have to be careful of it because it can trigger mania if used wrong (and wrong means wrong for me so I have to carefully monitor my own response and adjust each day or week. Some years I can't use it).

It does sound like you are hypomanic and not feeling very good at all. Unfortunately the answer to that is probably meds even though I know you are reluctant. I think for me I've just decided that I can live on meds or not live off them so if they have unavoidable, unknown consequences I'll deal with those when I have to and just try to minimize the issues now as I can.

Is it possible to get in to see one of the really good psychiatrists so you feel more trusting? I do not know how healthcare works in Japan; I'm actually extremely ignorant on that point. Even if you do something now and wait a long time to get in you might get some relief in the moment and long-term relief from that appointment.

[Christopher1990]

You sound manic.

I've gone on rants like this thinking I was on to something. On to something big.. But, it wasn't real. Even if you are on to something, when do you stop? It will only lead to madness.

I would keep writing, it usually helps me vent.

I hate medication too. But, sometimes it is needed. Mania can be dangerous. I hope you find help



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Hoonoo]

Good stuff Takeshi. I have to work in n office right next to other people. Great for social anxiety.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I just wanted to say that I have seasonal patterns to my episodes as well. I tend to be down in the winter and I always get manic in June. I use a blue light in the winter to help with the depression (it's called seasonal affective disorder or SAD here when it happens like that) but I have to be careful of it because it can trigger mania if used wrong (and wrong means wrong for me so I have to carefully monitor my own response and adjust each day or week. Some years I can't use it).

It does sound like you are hypomanic and not feeling very good at all. Unfortunately the answer to that is probably meds even though I know you are reluctant. I think for me I've just decided that I can live on meds or not live off them so if they have unavoidable, unknown consequences I'll deal with those when I have to and just try to minimize the issues now as I can.

Is it possible to get in to see one of the really good psychiatrists so you feel more trusting? I do not know how healthcare works in Japan; I'm actually extremely ignorant on that point. Even if you do something now and wait a long time to get in you might get some relief in the moment and long-term relief from that appointment.

What is there beyond the rainbow? There's no need for an answer, really good to see your sig quotes again. thank you.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by Hoonoo

Hi! I read your great post and also I read about hikikimori. You have an amazing story. I'd love to know more about a typical day for you and any dreams or thought you have or have had. I'm BP II so I get you a bit

Have I replied to you before? I'm forgetting the thoughts, moments, it's just weird. and almost getting sacked incident might've triggered it. I'm feeling everything too much, man. And I'm enjoying that too much, I get this funny things to say, and I can never say **** like that to my boss,,he used the word 'mocking'. In my personal opinion, ppl takes what I say as mocking, NOT my problem. That's the result of my analysis of human behavior. And it is obvious that I'm no expert in that area. Btw, I don't know what you read about hikikomori, I'm slightly different case, an adult one, so, I confined myself in this room, totally alone, and being scared of everything, it'd be too much to say delusional, but I was ,,,thinking a lot of things out there, I'm past all that state, and I'm in a good place, man. I was feeling numb among many other feelings and so, I went back there yesterday morning during my crazy soul search, and found nothing there. This is way ,,umm,,easier to deal with than someone with say,,abuse of some kind. I am with the past self and it doesn't hurt me. Does anyone get this?

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by Christopher1990

I'm bipolar 1. Hypomania usually lasts a couple of weeks for me. It's never too long before it turns into mania. Mania doesn't last long, but it's severe.

I understand your struggle with medication. Studies have shown psych drugs can actually make symptoms worse at times. I read a study that said up to 90% of people on anti-depressants relapse. While, people that don't go on antidepressants only have a 20% chance of relapse. I would not recommend stopping anything without assistance. And, if you do, do not go off cold turkey. Your brain needs time to adjust.

Last time I weaned myself off meds, I regained my mental sharpness and everything. But, I had trouble sleeping and had to drink every night to go to sleep. I lasted about 5months off meds until another manic episode. Oddly, the episode happened when I stopped drinking for 3 days. Couldn't sleep.

And with seasonal symptoms. I believe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. My manic episodes almost always come after summer, during the start of the fall. Depressions during the winter. When there's less sunlight.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I forgot the name of the theory why the relapse happens. Someone could post it here, maybe. Will Hall is the guy, free guidebook's available from this guy. I've read it, I didn't care though, cut it half and repeat,,,I was okay getting off. I still keep some left over meds, I was thinking that was for an emergency but I shouldn't be playing doctors, so ,,down the toilet. The drinking water's already contaminated with all sort of 'unwanted' stuff. Anyhow, thanks for your kind reply, pls take of yourself.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

Length of hypomania isn't specific to any one person. It can last from weeks to sometimes a couple of months, depending on the person, their meds, their cognitive skills (what helps your control your impulses during hypo)

Georgia. That's in the south, right? I'd love to hear your accent. And the word 'cognitive skills', I'm not quite getting it what that means in all seriousness here. and you're saying impulses, I have been very impulsive, but some part of my brain decided to give some good thought that pops up to have a go at it. I am controlling it....it may not look it..I know where this leads to, so I'll just stop.

Your presence, meant a lot to me. My head was driving quite fast when I posted this, although I don't remember much how I was doing, I remember seeing your post on my laptop screen. Your willingness to help, that is admirable, maybe that is why you're one of the liaisons. Thanks for your work and kind heart.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by Christopher1990

You sound manic.

I've gone on rants like this thinking I was on to something. On to something big.. But, it wasn't real. Even if you are on to something, when do you stop? It will only lead to madness.

I would keep writing, it usually helps me vent.

I hate medication too. But, sometimes it is needed. Mania can be dangerous. I hope you find help

You have an Ipad, I see. I'm just stating the fact that you do and I don't mean anything,,,a slight envy perhaps.. I have calmed down btw, safe landing, hmm,,guess I could try to make it safer on my own and that is what I'll be doing a little more.

This post and Chaoticinsanity's posts. They make me think that maybe, the real face to face support group thingy may be beneficial, and probably someone already shared the experiences here. Some things are not categorized for us who needs help. Just thinking out loud.

Christopher, your previous post, that reminds me of my question that I've had for a long time. I am forgetful, maybe it's just my thing, anyone's thing, but like in your case, BP1, you go through this huge/deep/whatever chaotic time and you cycle and so on. I just wonder how many percentage of folks such as yourself are sure of the period of episodes. Seems to me a lot. This is not really question, upto anyone to answer this. Thank you again Christopher, you too seems to have a good heart, I hope you keep finding a goodness inside of you.

[Takeshi]

To the last person who came to read and maybe post. I'm good.

If you think you can help anyone else by continue with this subject, pls feel free to do so.

Thank you.

[CrazyLo]

My hypomania lasted from February-May, so 4 months. Then I was manic in June for a few weeks, then became psychotic. I've been in the hospital 4 times since June. Every time I discharged from hospital, returned quickly. Hypomanic for a day or two, manic for a day or two, then all the sudden psychotic almost out of the blue.

Also, mine is definitely affected by the seasons. I get high in the approaching spring and during the summer, and depressed when it starts to get colder.

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

My hypomania lasted from February-May, so 4 months. Then I was manic in June for a few weeks, then became psychotic. I've been in the hospital 4 times since June. Every time I discharged from hospital, returned quickly. Hypomanic for a day or two, manic for a day or two, then all the sudden psychotic almost out of the blue.

Also, mine is definitely affected by the seasons. I get high in the approaching spring and during the summer, and depressed when it starts to get colder.

That seems a lot to deal with for one person, eh? Everyone here wants to hear the similar story, the assurance, knowing very well that everything personal is personal, case by case, etc... A lot of other factors affects that for the search of similar cases.

With what you just described here in mind, I'd say you have a very busy life, and yet, the beautiful life, a meaningful life, are still out there for us to grasp.

Btw, I'm not seeing only the upside of hypomania, but this hightened over sensitivity sometimes get in the way of every day life. idk, it's been a while since I've read the list of symptoms of hypomania, and I'm not remembering everything, quite frankly, the checklist that our doctors have to use to assess, they are inadequate, even calling some MI a mood disorder seems just not enough.

This is just my personal view and you may or you may disagree. I'm just saying that probably, the other difficulties or the questions that I haven't mentioned here, can be answered/given more thoughts and the gathered intelligence of our mind will be helpful to the others.

(I don't know why I'm talking this way and not sure what I just said. Mania gets more attention, is it not? We have lots of bp2 and they have thier own difficulties. I know they ask questions too, but one of the question might be like 'Is this normal?' as in normal in non-MI population? 'Is it just a personality of mine?')

(No one can answer that, I should think less like that. Thanks for the reply post. )

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by Takeshi

That seems a lot to deal with for one person, eh? Everyone here wants to hear the similar story, the assurance, knowing very well that everything personal is personal, case by case, etc... A lot of other factors affects that for the search of similar cases.

With what you just described here in mind, I'd say you have a very busy life, and yet, the beautiful life, a meaningful life, are still out there for us to grasp.

Btw, I'm not seeing only the upside of hypomania, but this hightened over sensitivity sometimes get in the way of every day life. idk, it's been a while since I've read the list of symptoms of hypomania, and I'm not remembering everything, quite frankly, the checklist that our doctors have to use to assess, they are inadequate, even calling some MI a mood disorder seems just not enough.

This is just my personal view and you may or you may disagree. I'm just saying that probably, the other difficulties or the questions that I haven't mentioned here, can be answered/given more thoughts and the gathered intelligence of our mind will be helpful to the others.

(I don't know why I'm talking this way and not sure what I just said. Mania gets more attention, is it not? We have lots of bp2 and they have thier own difficulties. I know they ask questions too, but one of the question might be like 'Is this normal?' as in normal in non-MI population? 'Is it just a personality of mine?')

(No one can answer that, I should think less like that. Thanks for the reply post. )

No, it's okay. I can tell you are quite insightful and intelligent. We become even more so when we are hypomanic or manic. For example, my creativity which is always present when I'm normal becomes insanely enhanced during mania. My senses are also enhanced. I feel like I can hear everything and a lot of noises bother me. I can feel even mosquitoes landing on me when I'm outside. Other senses are also intensified.

Anyway, I have a link for you that lists a lot of the symptoms of hypomania and mania that are definitely not listed in the DSM:

Hypomania/Mania Symptom Checklist (HCL-32) | PsychEducation

The whole website is actually pretty interesting if you have the time to check it out!

[SillyKitty]

Originally Posted by Christopher1990

I'm bipolar 1. Hypomania usually lasts a couple of weeks for me. It's never too long before it turns into mania.

I'm Sza-BP type, but it's the same for me. I barely realize I'm hypo before full blown mania hits. I don't always realize I'm manic when I'm manic either, though. My mania can last two or three weeks up to around three or four months if I'm unmedicated. The worst time was a few years ago when I left my husband who I've been with since 2002 because I thought I was intensely in love with my boss.i was unmedicated. We stayed apart for a little over a year. It took months for me to see the slightest problem with this. Once I bought a car. The dealer had to make me test drive a used car. I wanted it because I liked the color and that I could plug my iPhone into it for music. I've definitely had regrets. I don't post some of my worst episodes of mania while it's happening, because like I said I'm not always aware of it. I also have GAD, and don't want to be ridiculed off pc. Which no one here would do.i hope this makes you feel better.