[DysphoricManicMom]

I keep reading about self injury and its ridiculous how obvious the term is but I have not until just a minute ago realized that what I have done during/after fights with my boyfriend is exactly just that.

I have taken both hands and scratched my face from forehead to neck
I have taken the palm of my hand/fist and hit myself in the face
I have hit my head against the wall repeatedly

I guess I have only thought of self injury as cutting or the like, I have never related myself to anyone that has done that, its really profound...

Im so sorry if I have offended anyone for bringing this up I just have just had a moment of realization and thought it important to share?

Nah, lightbulb moments are important. You're not alone. I can very much relate. I've never cut. The thought freaks me out. And that's the one you always hear about, right? So I never saw anything I do as SH.

So yup, there's me, not thinking of hitting and biting as harm(!) Because they're oh so very healthful, right? I think maybe because it wasn't that I had harm in mind. Nothing deliberate about it. No premeditation.

Apparently, that doesn't let me off the hook. It was news to me. And you're right, it seems ridiculously obvious, yet it was not(!)

There's a forum dedicated to SH if you would like to look at.

Self Injury - Forums at Psych Central

I used to do all of the above, but it's been awhile, and I'm sure I'm not done yet. Too much trauma and abuse in the past has destroyed my self images. Bipolar doesn't help none.

[Mountainbard]

This is an important realization for you. SI takes many forms, and often people do it w/o recognizing/realizing the behavior they're engaged in. Knowledge is power, and now you know more about SI and it's manifestation in your life. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

[DysphoricManicMom]

Yes thats exactly right, Innerzone. I was so afraid to open this thread back up as if people were going to be all judgmental but I am glad I did. I keep forgetting this community doesnt treat me like other people do. Theres so much understanding, more than I truly expected. Thank you

Alwayschanging2, thank you for the link Im definitely going to check it out

Mountainbard, thank you for saying that. I thought it was something i should have just known about myself and felt stupid for just now realizing this. And thanks for the kind words

[Mountainbard]

I'm glad you did open the thread back up. I've never found folks here to be judgmental; just supportive. I hope you're feeling better today. *hugs*

Awww. I discovered that my abusers made me feel like crap, that then made my abuser alters do the same. It's also a coping skill to deal with the inner pain...and your right, I'd hit myself also, punch brick walls, burn myself. I also have to include getting myself into risky situations expecting to get hurt...like playing chicken on the road or running traffic barrels over expecting a demise. Even my possessions suffered. Basically, self destructive behavior. Thank you for broadening my horizon also.

[WorkhorseDVM]

I did not realize what I was doing either. Was genuinely surprised when T, PDoc, and group all freaked when I fessed up and told me that banging my head on things like walls, tables, desks, my hands, my fists, etc. was not only SH it was dangerous in that I could give myself a concussion!