Can ECT make you feel suicidal?

I've been so depressed for so long now... I've been depressed for most of the last two years, and this last streak has been unrelenting since early April.

I've been hanging on by my fingernails waiting for my ECT treatments and had to wait over 2 months for them. They've started, but due to overbooking in the OR, these first two are spread out a little over a week apart while the rest are supposed to be 2X/week.

Since the last one I've felt lower than ever and I feel like I'm sinking fast. I woke up this morning feeling suicidal....before I was fully awake and that was my first conscious thought. To be clear, I have no plans or intentions or anything like that, just the feeling.

I just feel soooo tired, and it's so hard to hang on this long. I've been hanging off this ledge for months :-(

Could the last ECT treatment I had have made me worse? Or the drugs they gave me while I was under?

I feel worse since that treatment, but don't know if it was the treatment, the drugs they used for anesthetic or if it's just because this has been going on for so long.

I feel a little desperate because it feels like I have to wait so long for relief. My next treatment isn't till next Friday, then they start Mondays and Fridays after that. My doc says I won't feel better until at least the 4th or 5th one, and that feels so far away.

I came on here because I feel so alone and so badly, posted about feeling suicidal and though there were a good half a dozen people on here, not one of them even read this or gave a ****.

Is it me? Do they just see my name and say f#ck her? I really don't feel that well liked here sometimes.

I make it a point to be there for others and it really sucks that when I'm alone and reaching out, I'm still alone.

I am sorry you don't feel well. I don't know anything about ECT.

Thank you Valentina

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I was just reading about it on google. I think it could hypothetically make you feel a bit worse before you feel better.

Did you doctor mention anything?

He didn't. After I posted back to you I felt even worse and my hubby came home from work to be with me. He wanted to take me to the hospital but for whatever reason I'm extremely resistant to the idea. I had very strong impulses surge up before I called him :-( now he's here and I'm not alone so feel safer. I haven't felt this fragile in a very long time.

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Hi EdgarsMom, first I should apologize for not responding sooner, I do really care about you! I know all too well what it feels like to be ignored but at this time of night it always seem slow here. You might see me as logged in but I always stay logged in even while I am doing other things on my computer. You have always been very kind and caring towards me and I am sorry if it seemed I was not here for you.

Before you started ECT were you weaned of any meds? I know it is common to so and it could seriously affect your depression levels. As far as the treatment itself goes it could very well be responsible for your depression as could the drugs given before and during the treatment. It is difficult to say for sure what caused it at this point.

I'm sorry I could not be of more help except to say "I love you lots dear and I do care".

All I can say is I didn't feel any better at all until the 13th treatment. I started them in the hospital, got out for two weeks, then was put back in the hospital by my ect doc because of the intense suicidal thoughts. I even begged my inpatient doc to stop the treatments and put me back on seroquel since that helped before. She refused and told me to just hold on. It was sooooo difficult but I did it and it worked.

But thats just me. Hopefully it will work sooner for you.

Btw try not to be so hard on people here, especially In the middle of the night. Just because they don't respond right away doesn't mean they don't care. Sometimes people just don't know what to say, especially if they don't have any experience with it. I'm sure it wasn't intentional. We all care about you!

Not everyone has personal experience with ECT so they probably don't feel comfortable answering. I've been asleep for the last 8 hours.

As far apart as your first two ECT treatments were, it may take longer for an benefit to start showing. I never had the experience of treatments making we suicidal, but because it can take multiple treatments for them to even begin to make a difference, it would not be unusual for a patient to continue having problems or even get worse until things started improving. That is one reason why my pdoc always prefers his patients to be inpatient through at least the first two or three treatments for continued safety and monitoring. Please be sure you communicate what is going on with the pdoc who is doing the treatments.

I am sorry I could not be there for you ..... you are loved whether you know it or not ...

(((edgar'smom)))

I just read your post.

I don't have any experience with ect, but I think it would take a couple of times to start working. We do care about you here.

What lolagrace said sounds plausible.

I really like your posts. I'm sorry I wasn't awake for this one although I don't know much about ECT. I know I've been in the hospital with people who have been just starting and they will say they feel worse but then little signs are visible to everyone else that they are getting better and eventually they start to see or feel that. It seems like others notice change first.

I don't know anything about ECT, but I remember in my psychology classes the professor was talking about suicide and he said that more suicides happen in spring than any other season because when people are so depressed from the winter, they don't even have the energy to think about or take action to commit suicide. When they start feeling a little better from the spring weather, they have more energy to devote to that.

I wonder if it could be the same thing for ECT? You may be improving and that may be the reason you are feeling more instead of just being numb. It may take some more treatments and improvements for those feelings to become more and more positive, but I wouldn't necessarily consider your current condition as a negative thing. You want your husband by you for safety reasons, so I think you are on the right track in taking care of yourself.

I am sorry you are feeling worse despite your ECT sessions. I had ECT earlier this year and unfortunately, I did not respond despite 10 treatments. I could have continued but I didn't. I do know, however, that ECT can really help and I have one friend that said it was the best thing she ever did in her life.

I do think sometimes things can get worse before better, especially since your ECT sessions were spaced out a little farther. Mine were three times a week. I would discuss it with your pdoc.

Hang in there. I met several people during ECT who were improving week by week and I could see it. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I just read all of these responses and I want to thank each and every one of you for reaching out. It really means a lot to me.

I also want to say that I'm very sorry if my post last night made anyone feel badly. I was feeling desperate and not myself. When I feel that badly and that depressed I get very negative and I was in that "everyone hates me" headspace that I know many others suffer from as well when depressed.

I was feeling so alone and so desperate and it felt like you guys were my lifeline. I even thought of calling one of those suicide hotlines (which I've never done) but I pictured some naive volunteer on the other end who would have no idea what I was talking about, reading from a script in front of them. So I didn't.

I woke up this morning feeling horrible. My first thought was that I wish I didn't wake up, followed by dread. It sucks. I'm feeling so low.

I was actually in crisis last night. I spent a lot of time crying and that normally would be good and cathartic, but it wasn't a good healthy cry. I was messed up and I felt out of touch. It was more like the kind of crying you do while rocking.

Waking up this morning, I feel like I was another person last night, have a hangover even though I took no drugs and I feel ashamed and fragile. I feel like I was in some sort of altered state last night. I hadn't had SI but suddenly was getting very strong impulses out of the blue and that scared me.

It got bad enough that my husband had to leave work and come home to be with me. He's a police officer and he couldn't focus at work because he was worried, and it scares me to think that he might get hurt at work because of me distracting him. Anyway, he came home and I felt safer.

Today I feel like I failed somehow, or I feel exposed or something. After these episodes I typically feel vulnerable and ashamed. I'm not having suicidal urges today, just the same unrelenting darkness with a little more self hatred to spice it up.

I was weaned off of Lithium and Lamotrigine.... Neither seemed to be working for my depression so I'd be surprised of going off of them caused me to feel depressed, but you never know. I've had no appetite since I went off of them and am having a very hard time eating. I've lost about 13 lbs in the past few weeks.

Even if they were not working for depression the withdrawal of coming off of them could still definitely cause depression.

I don't have any experience with ECT but I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sucks. I do appreciate reading your posts and you help a great deal of people here even if they aren't sure what to say. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Don't be so hard on yourself! You are right to seek help when you feel that way. It's scary and when you aren't used to it it is really scary. Your body has been through a lot going off meds and now ECT is a whole other onslaught for your body.

You can PM anytime you want to talk. I'm nearly always around since I'm too depressed to be doing much of anything right now. If I don't answer I'm probably IP but I don't think that will happen tomorrow which gives me until Thursday and then it will be another round of why shouldn't I be in the hospital with my therapist. I hope that if I'm going IP I'll have enough time to post but it could be chaotic.

Just take care of yourself. This is one of those times in life that you have to be your primary concern for a while but knowing that what you are putting yourself through is for a good reason and that hopefully in a few weeks you'll be feeling better.