hurt feelings

This week sucks pretty much.

Tomorrow is my Dad's birthday and I just miss him so much. Ive been tearing up some today and just know tomorrow will be hard.

And....Im a bit upset with my sister. She went to college and has a Bachelors in Early Childhoo Development and a Masters in Special Education. Now shes decided to get a degree to be a principal of a school. Im happy for her but shes decided to go to the school I dropped out of. She got her other two degrees from the same school. Now shes taking online courses to a school 3 hours away for this degree. It kind of hurts my feelings shes chosen the school I went to because I didn't graduate college. I went and my depression got out of control. I tried getting counseling help there and couldn't. I was very unwell and no one knew about it. My self-harming and isolating was crazy bad while there. I guess it just hurts because of all the school she could go to she picked the one I went to and couldn't handle. Im a college drop out but this school was something I tried to do away from all her accomplishments.

Im pathetic I know. It keeps making me tear up. When she graduates a year from now she wants me to go to her graduation. It will be so hard. It was supposed to be my alma mater and now it will be another one for her. im not jealous...my feelings are just hurt because im a failure.

Pathetic ?? No. Human? Yes

You are NOT a failure! Everyone has a different path in life. I never thought I would graduate from the school I went to right out of high school, but I was able to go back nine years later and graduated. Everything happens for a reason, and like Christina says, you're only human and humans have feelings.

Your sister doesn't have the same challenges you do.... If the genetic lottery had given her bipolar and spared you, it might have been your sister writing this post. It's not fair at all, but what you fight every day just to survive is probably tougher than anything she's gone through at school.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Here is what I've had to learn about people....what was the intent. Do you think she was being malicious about it because she knew that you wanted to go there or maybe she didn't think twice about it. Do you know if she knew it was that important to you?

You are not a failure and you have a right to your feelings. Screw people that tell us to grow up, right now let me f'ing wallow in it if I want. Bleh

I only went there a semester. It got to be too much. I'd skip meals rather than go to cafeteria alone. I'd hide in my room and made very friends. I dropped a class because the professor called on me in class. I'd self harm all the time. I didn't want people to know I existed do I bought an iPod to listen to as i walked so I could not acknowledge people.

I tried going to a counseling center nearby but had to wait a month before getting an appt then they said I'd have to wait another month for a regular session.

I gave up and came home.

She doesn't understand I guess that even though
I dropped out- it was mine. Something I tried to do and now she will donwhatni couldn't.

Now I'm effin crying agsin. I feel so dumb. :'(

It's perfectly understandable not dumb at all.

Hallie! Are you kidding me! You are not a failure and you are not pathetic.

Do you remember what you have been fighting through? Do you remember how you have made such tough decisions for yourself?

I was inspired by you. I am

You have done things she has never done. Your path didn't go through college but you are journeying anyway.

You are NOT a failure. You are a SURVIVOR.

You're not a failure, hallie.

I don't know the situation but I don't imagine your sister had bad intentions. Just because you dropped out doesn't make you a failure. I can't imagine I would ever have finished college (went 10 years for a 4 year degree) if I was in the shape I am in now. You should set goals for yourself and work at them at your own pace. You can even get an online degree if that's better for you. Hang in there! Stay strong and be happy!

P.S. Don't compare youself with your sister. In the end it doesn't matter who has what. It matters who loves you!

Thank you so much guys. I never thought she had bad intentions..

Its just everyone expected so much from me. Even me. I graduated a high academic honors graduate from high school with a great GPA. I went to community college the first year until I finally decided where to go. (Financial aid paid everything at community college so it was a wise choice.) Then went to that school and everything I was already dealing with amplified.

I did get my CDA for a job I was at with early head start but I accidently let it expire. :/

I try *not* to compare myself but its so hard. Shes so successful with her career and shes married with 2 children. And then theres me. Always IP and going to T and Pdoc (which we don't discuss. its my own business) and quitting jobs because I get too overwhelmed and shut down.

Id give anything not to have bipolar. I keep tearing up today. I need to talk to T an dim happy I see her tomorrow.

Im feeling overwhelmed and self-loathing.

It's good you are talking about it! You can cry and self-loath all you want! One thing I have learned over the years is nothing matters but my happiness and the happiness of the ones I love. Make yourself happy!

I have those days. I, too, have a super successful sister and we are close but it's still painfully obvious to anyone that gets to know us well that she & I live in two completely different worlds. Hang in there! You have my empathy, support & (((Hugs)))!!!

Thanks everyone. Im trying

Hallie,

I think you are very cool! Hang in there! PM me if you need.

moogs

I am sad. My T is sick today so my appointment was cancelled.

We are here to listen if you want to talk.