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  #1  
Old Nov 05, 2015, 04:52 PM
hopeless2015 hopeless2015 is offline
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Sometimes I'm not very smart... Even with my mom running my finances I took what allowance I had and gambled all but $8 away. Just washed down an anxiety pill with a beer. Feeling sorry for myself yet AGAIN. I have to get control of this gambling addiction. It's ridiculous...why of all things am I addicted to this...it has and continues to ruin all the good in my life. I have no control and I hate myself for it. Hoping to just sleep the rest of today and manage to pick myself up and go to work tomorrow instead of heading back into the black hole of depression that I seem to bring on by my own actions

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  #2  
Old Nov 05, 2015, 05:22 PM
CopperStar CopperStar is offline
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When I had an issue with gambling (mostly instant tickets), in the end I realized that at its core, I had an 'addiction' to the feeling of hope. For the few minutes it took me to buy a ticket and scratch away the sparkles, there was the *chance* that my life might not be so hard and stressful anymore. It was the feeling of hope, I just didn't recognize for a long time that that was what it was that I was experiencing and desperately seeking. It took a long time and hard self-work to learn how to find hope in more reliable things. I hope you can find the same somehow.
Thanks for this!
hopeless2015, LettinG0
  #3  
Old Nov 05, 2015, 05:43 PM
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Happy pills Happy pills is offline
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I used to do scratch cards because I honestly believed I was going to win, every time I scratched one I said to myself this is the one (£250,000) I became addicted but I never won. I eventually convinced myself it was a mugs game and stopped.
I still want to buy them now but I stop myself.
  #4  
Old Nov 05, 2015, 06:39 PM
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ComfortablyNumb5 ComfortablyNumb5 is offline
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I've been to hell and back with addiction. Alcohol and rx meds were my thing. This is the first time in years that I'm sober and taking my meds like a good girl. Yea it gets boring lol. It's all about that will power which I have very little of!

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
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Thanks for this!
hopeless2015
  #5  
Old Nov 05, 2015, 09:17 PM
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Cocosurviving Cocosurviving is offline
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There are a lot of people addicted to gambling. My step-dad is so although I don't know first hand I do have a love one. I see what it does to him. He gets behind in bills. He receives disability and gambles all that away. There are support groups available. You can see if one is in your area.

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  #6  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 07:56 AM
Anonymous48690
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Being bipolar affected, we normally don't feel good and chemically out of balance, so we try to fill the "off" feeling with whatever produces dopamine. The pleasure and excitement felt from the anticipation of scoring is an increase in flow of dopamine in some that it is addicting, much like drugs do to drug addicts.
Thanks for this!
Christopher1990
  #7  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 08:25 AM
hopeless2015 hopeless2015 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: USA
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Thanks for your comments I've talked with my therapist about the thrill/dopamine seeking and about getting into a program I've tried the gamblers anonymous here and it just feel fake to me. May have to try to find an AA group that fits for me, alcohol is a struggle as well. I have all the books and especially like the daily meditation for women but also know this is going to take hard work on my part. I really can't be trusted alone with money right now. It makes me mad and sad. I'm freaking 45 years old!!

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  #8  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 08:41 AM
hopeless2015 hopeless2015 is offline
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I spent 3 weeks in June in an outpatient program and I identified myself as and alcoholic and gambling addict and I felt like they didn't know what to do with me, I went to two meetings a day and participated in all the group sessions but didn't fell like I deserved to be there I felt like I was stealing a spot someone else much worse off needed, now I know that was my own denial.. Thinking I'm not as bad off as the others, not that I thought I was better than anyone there just felt like a joke because I wasn't fighting the same battle when in fact addiction is addiction...yes my denial is very clear now

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  #9  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 08:50 AM
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Christopher1990 Christopher1990 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 467
It's all about will-power. AA, gamblers anonymous can only do so much. It comes down to you taking control of your life and realizing what's important. You have to help yourself. Once you give it up, it all becomes easier. Youre 45 so I realize you have been told this.

I've given up drugs. And had a problem with gambling. Truth is, I still gamble, but in moderation. Even though, lately I have been betting on games with money I really can't afford to lose. I've stopped for long periods of time, and then usually go back to it for a couple weeks, its a cycle. I love the rush and the casino and everything you get out of it, but nothing feels worse then losing. Sends me into a depressed state for days, not good for bipolar.
Anyways, good luck I hope you can overcome your struggles

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  #10  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 09:12 AM
hopeless2015 hopeless2015 is offline
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Location: USA
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Thank you and good luck to you as well. Yes it's time for me to do the hard part!! Scarey but I have to find that inner strength. And the truth is I have more good days than bad lately I just have to learn to deal with the bad days in a new way and without gambling or drinking. It also sends me into depression for a few days after. I'll figure it out I know I have it in me deep down inside I've just got to pull that strong girl out more often

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  #11  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 09:13 AM
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otroo otroo is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Boise
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I feel you on being a gambling addict. I used to be a truck driver and in doing so I had access to tons of different casinos. In one year I lost about $65000 in gambling and the next year I won over $200000 only to return it to the casinos. This was the biggest argument with my wife while I drove truck. I have not gambled in three years since this last August. One of the ways that helped me stop was I quit driving truck and it made it harder to access the casinos. I live like two hours from Nevada but I am now to lazy to drive there. I still jones for it though but my marriage has been pretty good since I quit playing cards. I wish you the best of luck cause I know how hard this is to quit. It was easier for me to quit Coke and meth twenty years ago than it was to quit gambling.

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  #12  
Old Nov 06, 2015, 09:38 AM
Anonymous48690
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An addict is an addict is an addict.

90 meetings in 90 days, go even if you don't feel like going.

I know NAs that go to AA or visa versa just because of the group dynamics. I prefer AA myself, but have gone to NA and Alanon also. I think I tried GA once.

If I had willpower, I wouldn't be going to meetings because I'm powerless over addictions and my life is a living hell.
Thanks for this!
hopeless2015
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