[LorrieTorrie]

About a week ago I noticed I was starting to take a turn mood wise. I told my therapist that I was worried about handling the holiday. We usually meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Since Thanksgiving was Thursday, she said that she would call me either Thursday morning to touch base, or we could IM Thursday night. Thursday came and just as I suspected, I wasn't dealing well at all. I waited all day, but never heard from her.

I wasn't too upset, because it was a holiday and I understand. However I had hoped that we would touch base Friday, because I was really losing touch. Saturday morning I saw she was online, so I tried to chat. She denied it. So I sent her an email telling her that I felt like I may be slipping into a place that I didn't want to go. A few hours later she wrote: "I gave you great tools. You need to use them." My feelings were hurt, but I wrote back telling her that I think I want to try meds (she had wanted me to be med free) because I always come back to this feeling, and it always leads to a hospital trip. She wrote back: "I think you do just fine until someone bursts your bubble." I didn't even know what to say, so I just wrote out how I had been feeling like I'm starting to lose touch with reality. She hasn't responded.

This morning I emailed her asking if we can chat tonight for 15 minutes or so because I really needed to talk. I marked it as urgent. She has been online for the past three hours, and I haven't gotten any response. Am I being too impatient?

The past few weeks she has been late to sessions, or forgetting sessions completely. If something is going on in her life I understand, but I don't think this is fair to me. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because up until this mood shift I have been doing great. I just feel like when I really needed her she was't there. Am I overreacting?

If you feel that her therapy isn´t giving you the desired results, I would get a second opinion. She sounds negligent and little cold, IMHO. The hospital trips and her tardiness would be deal breakers for me. Not to mention she doesn´t even show up at all sometimes.

You deserve to feel better.

[LorrieTorrie]

Originally Posted by The Green Manalishi

If you feel that her therapy isn´t giving you the desired results, I would get a second opinion. She sounds negligent and little cold, IMHO. The hospital trips and her tardiness would be deal breakers for me. Not to mention she doesn´t even show up at all sometimes.

You deserve to feel better.

Thank you. My problem is, I also have BPD, so in these two short months I've become quite attached. It also means that one screw up and she's dead to me until she says something nice and I love her again.

I had been doing well with being mindful until I actually needed to be mindful. I guess I just wanted her help pushing me back in the right direction, because I don't have any other support. A lot of times she does make me feel hopeful. A lot of times I feel like she's inadequate. I don't know how much of what I feel is real though.

As far as being late, I don't know what the heck happened there. It's only been these past few weeks. Once she was an hour and a half late and just showed up like she was on time. I have been sending her reminders the morning of appointments starting last Thursday.

I have BPD too, and I understand about no other support. You have to do what you think is best for you mental health.

[LorrieTorrie]

Originally Posted by The Green Manalishi

I have BPD too, and I understand about no other support. You have to do what you think is best for you mental health.

How do you tell the difference between a superficial BPD decision, and a decision that is necessary? I feel like I should stop seeing her, but I feel like it's most likely because I'm mad at her, and I'll feel awful if she has some serious reason for her being late etc.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I honestly can't imagine having that much contact and awareness of what my therapist is doing. Somehow knowing when your therapist is online seems weird to me. I mean, I email with my pdoc when needed but that's like once a month unless there is a big med problem or something and when I'm doing well it can be months between. Even now while my meds are doing very little for me and haven't been for many months I've had little contact with her outside appointments. My therapist I have contact with only during sessions and can't imagine him offering to call on a holiday as that would violate some boundaries he is pretty strict about. The only time I can ever remember him calling me was last winter when I caught influenza B and ran fevers for over 2 weeks. I wasn't allowed out with the fevers and we were in a time period that I have a history of struggling hard with and he called I think to be sure I was sick and not just avoiding therapy or not in very bad shape and not coping. It was really just part of the suicide precautions that I've had for a while.

The late arrivals and not letting you know, that would make me leave. I also would have questions about a therapist suggesting going med free since they are not psychiatrists and med suggestions are out of their scope of practice. (If the psychiatrist was also saying med free seemed reasonable or they were communicating it would change for me).

But based on my experiences with therapists things just sound a little off there. I'm sure there are therapists who make themselves very available but I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I like having space between my therapist's life and my own and I don't want to know when he is online etc.

But it's completely an individual thing. I do have a former therapist who makes himself very available to me and has for almost 20 years. And that's not uncomfortable so I can see it happening with a current one I guess. SOrt of.

can you confront her politely about all of this? I've had to confront mine about some touchy stuff this year and was able to do it will a carefully worded letter that fixed everything.

I was just going by what you said. The hurtful comments, late/Houdini act, and you keep having to go to the hospital. Have a heart to hear talk with her.

[LorrieTorrie]

I'm going to talk to her at our session Tuesday unless she reaches out tomorrow. I'm also going to try to calm down and just relax until then. I know I have abandonment issues, so I'm trying to keep my emotions in check. I'm not sure how to approach the lateness/missing sessions. I know it does indeed need to be addressed though. I have a shaky history when it comes to treatment. She's the longest I've ever seen a therapist so I'm trying to stay committed. Maybe she just isn't the one to stay committed to.

[raspberrytorte]

You're okay until someone bursts your bubble...

What does that mean exactly?!

If I had a therapist who was that late to sessions I'd probably get a new one. Just me though. Good luck!

[LorrieTorrie]

After thinking about it more, I think she meant it as I'm fine until somebody negatively effects my happy bubble that I've created for myself? As in I'm fine until life happens? Idk.

I received an email from her last night saying she would be in early today, at 7am and if I really felt I needed to talk to come in. I confirmed it with her since I'm an early riser anyway. It is now 7:53. Still no sign. I'm going home, and I'm going to find a new therapist. What's the point of making appointments you don't intend to keep? I am beyond frustrated because it took forever to find her. Things started off so well. Ugh!!!

[raspberrytorte]

That's pretty lousy of her not to show up. I hope you're able to find someone better!

[Amy Today]

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

I received an email from her last night saying she would be in early today, at 7am and if I really felt I needed to talk to come in. I confirmed it with her since I'm an early riser anyway. It is now 7:53. Still no sign. I'm going home, and I'm going to find a new therapist. What's the point of making appointments you don't intend to keep? I am beyond frustrated because it took forever to find her. Things started off so well. Ugh!!!

It sounds like she isn't very adept at creating boundaries and structure for you, which is very important to your treatment. Saying, "Come in if you want to talk" isn't an appointment. She should have made a firm appointment with you. Being available on chat frequently and responding to many e-mails seems like she is spreading herself too thin. She may be very well-meaning, but she isn't setting boundaries with her patients and it seems like it's causing her to slip in her ability to treat them. I'm sure you're not the only patient whose dealing with her inconsistency.

She sounds a little inexperienced. Boundaries and structure is Psych 101 and she's not implementing it. That would make me wary enough to look elsewhere for treatment.

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

How do you tell the difference between a superficial BPD decision, and a decision that is necessary? I feel like I should stop seeing her, but I feel like it's most likely because I'm mad at her, and I'll feel awful if she has some serious reason for her being late etc.

I don't know the answer about how to tell. I don't have BPD, but from living with it (BF has, so my experience is from the other side), can say that it is as if every good thing ever suddenly flies out the window like it never happened, when an expectation (stated or unstated) is not met. Black and white thinking doesn't lend itself to good decision-making.

So I can see how it would be difficult to tell. Hopefully others will have some advice on that.

BeyondtheRainbow covered a lot to which I'll just say ditto.

Your quote is above, because it caught my eye when you said you feel it's most likely because you're mad at her. You are probably right on that.

The meaning of "bursts your bubble" -- yes, I strongly believe that's what she meant. Interactions. Life. It's the nature of the BPD beast.

The being late/no shows are troubling. That is a legit negative point, and the others are right. That calls for a calm discussion (write it out ahead if that helps). Boundaries are a big issue here, especially around availability.

So, long/short, to your title question: yes, I think you are over-reacting (due to unrealistic availability expectations). But I also think that she over-extended in offering unrealistic availability. It really does call for a solid conversation.

[LorrieTorrie]

I tried to discuss the situation with her, and she just kind of ignored it. Every time I would bring it up, she would change the subject and never really address what I said. I wrote her an email when I got home, because I felt like I was being ignored. She wrote back that she didn't want to address it because I was too revved up and that to discuss it now would overwhelm me. She said we can revisit the issue later.

Well, we won't because I'm going elsewhere. I was trying to go with someone my insurance covered, but now I've decided to pay out of pocket if it means better service. I have my first session with the new therapist Monday, and although it sucks giving someone new my history all over again, it's for the best. Her being too available was hurting more than it was helping. I was at the point where I went to her before making any decisions whatsoever. I was dependent.

I'm not going to lie though, I will miss her and the comfort she provided. I know I have to learn to stand on my own though.

[WibblyWobbly]

I have BPD as well and this is not a BPD situation. A therapist who is chronically late or misses appointments is unprofessional. No matter what your diagnosis, people in therapy need stability. She's not providing it and she should take time off from being a therapist until she gets her personal life and priorities in order. If I showed up an hour late to work all the time I would get fired, no question.

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

About a week ago I noticed I was starting to take a turn mood wise. I told my therapist that I was worried about handling the holiday. We usually meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Since Thanksgiving was Thursday, she said that she would call me either Thursday morning to touch base, or we could IM Thursday night. Thursday came and just as I suspected, I wasn't dealing well at all. I waited all day, but never heard from her.

I wasn't too upset, because it was a holiday and I understand. However I had hoped that we would touch base Friday, because I was really losing touch. Saturday morning I saw she was online, so I tried to chat. She denied it. So I sent her an email telling her that I felt like I may be slipping into a place that I didn't want to go. A few hours later she wrote: "I gave you great tools. You need to use them." My feelings were hurt, but I wrote back telling her that I think I want to try meds (she had wanted me to be med free) because I always come back to this feeling, and it always leads to a hospital trip. She wrote back: "I think you do just fine until someone bursts your bubble." I didn't even know what to say, so I just wrote out how I had been feeling like I'm starting to lose touch with reality. She hasn't responded.

This morning I emailed her asking if we can chat tonight for 15 minutes or so because I really needed to talk. I marked it as urgent. She has been online for the past three hours, and I haven't gotten any response. Am I being too impatient?

The past few weeks she has been late to sessions, or forgetting sessions completely. If something is going on in her life I understand, but I don't think this is fair to me. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because up until this mood shift I have been doing great. I just feel like when I really needed her she was't there. Am I overreacting?

Not sure if you are overreacting but from what you mention about her it seems like she's really distracted by stuff in her non-work life.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Your lucky to have a tdoc that is willing to talk to you outside of the office. However when she's not keeping up her end of the bargain that's a problem. And it was a bit unprofessional of her to say "you're fine until someone pops your bubble". I would find a new tdoc after this ordeal. And if you believe you can improve with meds, don't let anyone tell you different. I'm going to assume you have BP? I believe meds are a must for someone with unstable bipolar. She's not there for you when she said she would be, and she is hindering your chances of getting stable. I would find a pdoc and a new t asap.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN