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#1
Dec 18, 2015, 11:13 PM
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Idk how I feel. Idk what I'm supposed to feel. Am I crashing? I'm desperate for sleep but wide awake despite all my sleep hygeine efforts.
I feel like self harming to see how bad I can hurt and I feel like taking the whole bottle of zyprexa just so u can ****ing sleep. I just wanna sleep time away but I can't!!! I'm so frustrated and miserable. Idk how I even feel |
 Anonymous48690, avlady, bipolar angel, Nammu, Pastel Kitten
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#2
Dec 18, 2015, 11:24 PM
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I feel for you! My rls and plmd used to keep me up for days now that is treated it's the mania. I just keep reminding myself that the feeling will pass. Sorry you are having so much trouble.
No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated! |
| avlady
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#3
Dec 19, 2015, 01:32 AM
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You sound like you are mixed to me. Or akathesia? That horrible restlessness. I think mixed is more likely with the ups and downs you've been having. Could the Rexulti or another med change have triggered some rapid cycling? I know that I rapid cycle all the time (normally; lately that's not true) but if it hits right I rapid cycle right into mixed and am miserable just days after I've been saying that my depression was feeling better.
I hope you are getting some sleep tonight.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
 bipolar angel
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#4
Dec 19, 2015, 05:50 AM
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Quote:
I hope this goes away. I'm not sure I'm mixed but I always seem to headed that way. |
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#5
Dec 19, 2015, 08:36 AM
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I'm glad you slept. The suicidal stuff sounds scary. I hate those feelings and thoughts. I've felt the "I can't sleep so if I just take a handful or two maybe it will finally work and I'll sleep forever" thing a lot of times.
Until this year I've always gone to mixed. This year was mixed and then depressed. Menopause has changed my BP and I think it may be part of this since I have no other explanation. 3 months mixed, 9 months severe depression is definitely better than 12 months mixed though. Who knows where I'm headed when I come off Seroquel. I hope you have calmer, better day.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
| avlady
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#6
Dec 19, 2015, 09:11 AM
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| avlady
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#7
Dec 19, 2015, 11:59 AM
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I really had to fight not to od last night. JFK shynim feeling all over
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| avlady
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#8
Dec 19, 2015, 12:30 PM
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Hallie you don't seem stable really ever
I would look into other factors complicating things like your past trauma. I see many people with PTSD that takes over the general issues
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| avlady
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| Blue_Bird, Nammu
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#9
Dec 19, 2015, 12:35 PM
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I don't know. When I cycle like that I get in to see my therapist more quickly and I email/call my pdoc. I never want to go to the hospital and they both know that and try to keep me out. In fact I've never been sent to the hospital for going and saying I have been feeling suicidal, felt close, but did this and this instead and then got in to see my therapist. That's let me learn to be honest about it with them and at this point I know that if they say I should be hospitalized I should be. But that's taken years and I know you haven't had anything like that kind of time with either provider.
If it were me and I was in my situation (b/c I only know mine) I'd get in to the therapist as fast as possible and just say I was afraid and that I didn't do anything and am not feeling that way consistently but am afraid it could return. But like I said, I totally understand not wanting to do that with new to you providers. On the other hand, maybe you do need IP if you keep cycling like you are. I'd think that with all the med changes you've had lately that it likely is a med issue your pdoc can easily address OP but if you have to wait a long time to see the pdoc it could be rough. I guess it depends on whether you are willing to deal with another round of last night in case it happens (and it may not). But to me that sounds like meds that aren't quite working right and are making you cycle hard. That's how my cycles usually are and it is not pretty so I feel for you.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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#10
Dec 19, 2015, 12:39 PM
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But hallie I have seen you through alot of meds and still never stable. Either meds don't work for you or something else I'd going on. Either way talk to your providers
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| Blue_Bird, HopeForChange
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#11
Dec 19, 2015, 12:39 PM
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I hate that I'm not stable much but I do have periods where I am.
I was all of November! Just lately sucks. |
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#12
Dec 19, 2015, 12:43 PM
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And idk what to do.
Ima use my skills to get through and hope I can see pdoc sooner. I don't derby next week but she's supposed to call and check in with me |
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#13
Dec 19, 2015, 12:44 PM
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#14
Dec 19, 2015, 12:45 PM
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If you are feeling that much si maybe it is better to go inpatient. Sometimes impulses take over and we want you to be safe!
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#15
Dec 19, 2015, 12:46 PM
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Just been an observation!! I just want you to find something that will help you feel better!
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| HALLIEBETH87
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#16
Dec 19, 2015, 12:48 PM
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#17
Dec 19, 2015, 01:00 PM
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the first thing i need to know is a stupid question-what does Idk mean? another thing i would like to mention is i hope you get the sleep you need, it is very important to me too as i have sleep apnea. you maybe should see a neurologist have a sleep study done.i hate nights where i am suffering for sleep to come. good night to you tonight and sweet dreams.
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| HALLIEBETH87
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#18
Dec 19, 2015, 01:53 PM
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#19
Dec 19, 2015, 11:17 PM
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How are you doing now? Was your day any better?
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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#20
Dec 19, 2015, 11:54 PM
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Quote:
I found out my friend will fix my grandaddys old gretsch for only $100 and I can pay him when I get the cash. Annnnnnd I go two free great tickets to the Nutcracker tonight!!! It was so wonderful! Great day! Ty for asking |
| jbuttz
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#21
Dec 20, 2015, 11:24 AM
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Glad to hear you're doing okay today!
I read all posts and can relate so much. Feel so good I don't sleep & rest enough, exhaust myself to a point I can't take this energy anymore but nothing I can do, I just seem to roll with it.. somehow ending up feeling "rested" after 3-4 hours of sleep going into 20 hours of madness. I hope you can maintain somewhat healthy sleeping&resting schedule to keep you safe.
__________________
Bipolar II ENFP - |
| HALLIEBETH87
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#22
Dec 20, 2015, 01:02 PM
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Instill not sleeping much though I really want to!!
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#23
Dec 20, 2015, 01:46 PM
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I have read these posts and it sound like you might be mixed. Even through your depression you seem to have loads of energy and impulsive thoughts. If you have even the smallest doubt that you can be safe on your own you need to be with other people or if that is not possible, have a talk with your T and ask if you can text or email when these things are happening. I fear being sent to the hospital too, but i have received a lot of advice from people here and I am realizing that If I demonstrate that I am willing to work with T and be completely honest about how I feel, that he will be able to help me. Also, I need to trust his opinion and if I really need to go IP he will be honest with me too. There are not a lot of beds available and I am sure Ts and P-docs don't just throw people in unless they really need to go.
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| HALLIEBETH87
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#24
Dec 20, 2015, 02:13 PM
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I really feel better! In happy and only slightly anxious then still not sleeping over 5 hrs a night!! Yuck!
I don't hear weird things anymore and I'm not spending money really. I'm healed!  I guess if they call me to see pdoc I'll go just so I can get help with not sleeping. What happened two nights ago was crazy and really hard to get through safely but I'm fine now!! |
| Nammu
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#25
Dec 20, 2015, 02:23 PM
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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