My bf just said that MI is the persons fault!

This post could go under the depression or anxiety area too but since I'm BP2 I guess I'll put this here. But yea, you've read my title correctly and I'm speechless right now. My bf has some anxiety issues which makes this more surprising to me. He was previously pretty supportive and never held my MI against me. He stuck by me during IP, suicide attempt, detox, crying fits, panic attacks, depression, mania ect. Well I'm not sure how the subject just came up but he said "I think depression and anxiety are people's own faults". I about spit out the food I was eating. I told him to please explain what he means by that. He brought up his ex wife and said "she was on drugs so she got depressed!" I said "or maybe she turned to drugs because she was depressed?!" This just makes me sick because last year I struggled to get sober (from alcohol at least), lost a job because of anxiety, and fell into a deep depression. So are you telling me that the whole time he secretly blamed me?! Who the hell is this man now?! And what does this all mean? Does he see my MI as one big joke? All in my head? Was he secretly resenting me this whole relationship? I feel sick! So I asked him what about his anxiety? He said "yea but I get over it and just do breathing exercises. There's no need for medication". Well good for you. Bravo! I really don't know what this means for our future. I didn't get stable until about two months ago but what if I spiral down again? Is he just going to tell me to ****ing breathe?! I know that I'm going to be BP my whole life. I probably will fall again. I may need another IP. He fell asleep now but trust me this convo is not over. What can I possibly say to make him understand now? I definitely can't hide my MI believe me I try. And I shouldn't have to either. He's lucky he's sound asleep now that's all I have to say.

All I have to say is what the hey!

Yeah. We all chose to be this way.

Uummm......are we dating the same guy?? (Just kidding. Mine doesn't have anxiety issues. ) But seriously, mine pretty much feels the same way. He had unmitigated gall to tell me that the reason I was depressed was because I spent so much time on PC talking to depressed people!!!! OMG I went smooth to Hell off on him over that! Are you kidding me??!! I went from depressed to manic in under a mili second! Anyway, I've been trying for YEARS to get him to understand, short of breaking out the crayons for him to no avail! So if you find a way to get through to yours, please share it with me!

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever choose to be happy over this misery?!

Lol no really I'm doing this for the attention don't you know? All these years of suffering and stints in IP were just a prank!

Personally I agree with your BF.........I mean I chose to endure years of sexual, mental, emotional and physical abuse just so I could have C-PTSD and I personally strove to make sure that the chemistry in my brain was off so I'd be severely ADD and have bipolar. I also chose to have asthma and chronic sinus problems just for the added sympathy I mean who wouldn't right?

Well I'm glad someone else gets how I feel! I've forwarded him numerous articles ect ect! All I ask for and need is a piece of understanding from him. I'm curious as to how you and your bf have made it for years? What do you do when your unstable? Should we just lock ourselves in closets until the meds kick in and do breathing exercises? Was he secretly laughing me inside this whole time? I almost feel stupid now. I don't know if I can turn to him for support ever again. And how can I have a future with someone I can't turn to?! I think it's about time to get back into therapy because I clearly can't talk to anyone here and I need to let it out to someone at times.

Unfortunately, there are many people in society that will never believe mental illness is an actual disease, affliction, or condition from which people suffer. It stings even more when those close to us don't believe it. In spite of having been officially diagnosed by a board certified psychiatrist who teaches at a major US med school, I still have people in family who claim that "there's nothing wrong with you" and I "just need to relax more" or "drink a beer" or "chill out".

All we can do is try to find the best support network we can find and set our minds to doing whatever it takes to get better and stay well/

All my Dr has me one right now is a mood stabilizer, and let me tell you that my bf EXCEEDS the limits of my medication! I mean, he KNOWS how moody I am. He just chooses to believe that I could control it if I wanted to. What I do is give him fair warning that it's time to leave me the Hell alone and give me some space! And if he persists in trying to touch me, cuddle me, play wrestle or what have you, I WILL end up clawing him, throwing shoes at him, back handing him or whatever until he leaves me alone! Not the best way of dealing with it, I know. But when someone refuses to respect your personal boundaries and you have these issues and HAVE GIVEN SEVERAL WARNINGS......well??
As to how we've made it this long, I really don't know! I don't understand why either one of us put up with the other in all honesty! We seem more like roommates than a couple of you ask me. I don't feel as though we do the things other couples do. We basically have our own separate lives, and then our time together, apart from that. I'm not sure I like it either! I spend a lot of time feeling isolated because of it. As if we're not a team effort in things, you know?

I have many people in my family who often tell me to "get over it" especially from my hypocritical father who will never admit he's a alcoholic or that he has some issues himself. And guess who always begs me for my Ativan because they wake up with panic attacks? My dad! Whenever I mention that I need to make it to my pharmacy he tells me to stop popping pills and just get off my lazy *** because duh, laziness is my real problem! And my sister says I just have to be strong. My brother is probably the only one who cares about my illness and knows the seriousness of it. He tells me all the time to never skip my meds and when I can't find a way to pick up my meds he finds a way. I'm a few days shy of getting my next Ativan script and yesterday I had a panic attack and couldn't even drive. He got me a Valium and brought it to me and told me to rest. I've learned there's a lot of stigma against BP and I'm very careful of who I talk to about it. Even to just mention that I take anxiety meds make people go wide eyed. Ppl need to friggin educate themselves!

As I sat one day as a youngster I thought about all the things I wanted in life. Stable mood? No no that wouldn't work
Free of depression and anxiety (aka hell) ? Nope nope too easy

Then it occurred to me!!!! I want a MENTAL ILLNESS!!



Yikes so it becomes easy to say "whatever" to family after a while but when its a future husband that is difficult. Definitely open up that convo again!

Yeah me too. Lol. I didn't want a hum drum life of having a LPN license to be proud of and acknowledged for, so I dropped out to be a more "reputable" stay at home mom/drain on society/highly intense crazy woman because that's so much more of a self esteem builder! Yeah, that's something to be proud of.....right?!
You know, we may be bipolar, but at least we're not STUPID! It sickens me to think that people TRULY believe this is a choice!

Oh! And the BEST part is, thinking you've sunk as low as you could possibly get and not die, until SOMEONE makes you aware that you're making THEM miserable too!! (I'll have a side order of guilt with my self loathing please!)
And it's always nice knowing that you're never in charge of ANYTHING in your life! What with having to wait for your MIND to give you permission to be happy and all! It's like having your own personal assistant! You never have to make those pesky decisions about what kind of mood to be in, or how you're going to react to certain people and situations. Hell I might just go on vacation and let bipolar run things around here for awhile!

He just woke up for a split second and looked right at me (creepy?) and I said "don't even, I'm mad at you". He asked why and I said I'll talk to him tomorrow and he rolled over and went back to sleep. The crazy in me wants to shake him awake and say "oh hell no we need to talk NOW!" But that probably won't get anything accomplished. Tomorrow I plan on saying "ok so if depression and anxiety is the persons fault then what do you feel about BP?" And honestly depending on his answer, I might bring up breaking up. I feel like I'm sleeping next to a stranger right now.

I have an idea! Since he thinks it's a CHOICE, why don't you ask him to BE DEPRESSED WITH YOU for awhile to see what it's like! And see what you're going though! He can just DECIDE to share in your misery so you won't be alone in it! Tell him "Try it. You might like it!" And see what he says. If he says he can't do it, tell him EXACTLY! You can't make yourself depressed either. It just HAPPENS! And if he asks "Why would I want to be depressed?", ask him "Why would I??!!"
(Sorry, I've switched gears to manic today and I'm LIVID!)

Just tell this idiot. If a baby is born retarded,blind,or deaf...would he consider it the babies fault?
You can show any doubter MRIs of a depressed brain vs a person without bipolar. Certain sections of the brain are not lit up the same in the bipolar brain. ( even with meds). National Geographic magazine has a great issue called The Brain.
It also shows people who have suffered a brain injury( like in a car accident).
It's sad really that people who should love and support us can be so stupid. My husband including. After I got off Valium, I had some left... He loves taking them when he can't sleep.
I don't say anything. I cope with the bipolar the best I can. If that means just a shower,brush my teeth and eat - then I've accomplished what I was unable to do ip. If I read all day.. Then that's the way I'm coping. F@$k people who don't get it.

I've come across ppl that don't believe in MI and I ask if they hv a degree in that area? Then they get quiet. My fam is very sympathetic to ppl with medical illnesses. With MI they believe in them but they think u can just take meds and that fixes everything. Wrong! Now as far as a personal life no I would not be involved with someone that didn't believe in MI and/or didn't support me mentally....made derogatory comments against my MI. I deal with that enough in society and with extended family....I'll be damn if I deal with that in my personal life. I don't spend my energy trying to change ppl either. They believe what they want. If they wanted to learn they would ask question and put forth and effort. I learned that dealing with my parents and other family . I tried to sit them down and give them info but it did no good. But they don't say shyt as comments "to me"....I set that straight..."u don't wanna learn don't question me and don't say shyt to me abt my MI". Told them that....they've still never made an effort a lot of ppl just don't care abt MI...now if it was a medical illness that would be a different story. I don't know what to tell u. I hate ur in that situation but u can't change ppl they have to want to learn the info.

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I can't stand that sort of outlook on MI. I will admit I myself have at times ended up believing that depression could be overcome through sheer willpower, but I was also hypomanic during those times, and from what you say your boyfriend is not bipolar. I made a post about this before but my mom doesn't understand MI either, despite having a few herself.

Thanks for the support everyone! Well he ended up waking up last night and I brought it up. I said "ok so if depression and anxiety is my fault, what about bipolar?" He said that he thinks everyone is bipolar! I called him ignorant and uneducated and got a panic attack so bad I had to run to the bathroom and got sick. I was so mad I couldn't control my emotions and he got very defensive. He kept asking me questions like if I could kill someone one day! Lmao! I explained how I tend to take my anger out on myself with low self esteem or self harm if I get dysphoric. But also explained that right now, I'm stable. He didn't get it.

And better yet, he said my psych meds just get me high! At one point I had to laugh. The convo got pretty long and heated. Conclusion is, if we're going to have a future I better make sure I'm stable for the rest of my whole life! He asked if his kids should be around me! Like I'm some monster who's going to eat them. Well guess what? His son is coming over for a few days and when he asks me to get out of my room and spend time with them I'm going to pull my blankets up to my chin and say "I can't, my bipolar hurts!"

I would have to agree with Coco. With all the ignorant a**holes we face out in the world, there is absolutely no way I could have a relationship with someone that was like that.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with that

Everyone is bipolar, huh? Everyone gets their ups and downs, sure, but bipolar is far more than just that, and the ups and downs are so much more severe that it's not even comparable. I definitely wouldn't be able to handle being in a relationship like that. The people most important to us should of all people be the most supportive and understanding of what we're going through, and not make our struggles seem insignificant. And he's only just now begun to display this sort of ignorance?

Why are you staying with him ?

Yea good question. I'm just so confused more than anything right now. For two years I THOUGHT he was supportive. He's never said anything negative about it or criticized until literally yesterday. A part of me wants to make him understand but I also know that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I need time to process all of this and figure out where we stand.

Oh the old "everyone is bipolar" bit
Ohhhh no he didnnnnt lol

He went from thinking its no big deal to worrying about you with his kids
Yup this is how a lot of the world reacts in the same breath to mental illness

OK so did something bring this on all of a sudden from him?

We often think the other person " gets it" but in reality its hard to " get it" when you dont have it.

One thing I will say is I practically drown my husband in my bipolar and all the shyt that goes with it.. I didnt realized just how much space I was allowing my Bipolar to take up in our marriage until the brick wall was hit doing 110.

Im not saying your over loading him or anything, Im just saying in general we don't always realize how much we talk about our BP and all the crap that goes with it..

In my case? I got a Therapist and I found BP friends that I can talk to about all things Bipolar...

Personally I just try and keep Bipolar as small apart of my marriage and friendships as possible.. When life is imploding I know I will have all the support I need.. but I realized early on no one can help me like I can help myself...

I might be flamed for saying this.. But often it boils down to.... fake it til you make it... But it is true . Everyone has a struggle,who else can we depend on? we must learn how to be okay whether we have support of not.