[BP2014]

The divorce rate is 50% for "normal" people and 90% if one spouse is BP. I am struggling in my marriage and no longer happy. I often feel I would be better off alone. I know this is selfish and I have two wonderful and healthy girls who I adore. Any advice?

[wiretwister]

IMO and just my opinion, you should work like hell to enrich your marriage, put your heart and soul into and try your damnest to make it work,counciling and what ever else you can think of...,, if after a true effort you still feel the same way then go your own way,,but you owe it to your family to really try to make it work...either way good luck,,in the end it is your choice....only you know what is really happening in your heart and mind.....

[Moogieotter]

Originally Posted by BP2014

The divorce rate is 50% for "normal" people and 90% if one spouse is BP. I am struggling in my marriage and no longer happy. I often feel I would be better off alone. I know this is selfish and I have two wonderful and healthy girls who I adore. Any advice?

Hard to say without the details. In general, unless there's infedelity or abuse, I'd stick it out and do like wiretwister says. I lost my first marriage bc I walked away w bipolar. Hard to explain this to my son now.

moogs

[BP2014]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Hard to say without the details. In general, unless there's infedelity or abuse, I'd stick it out and do like wiretwister says. I lost my first marriage bc I walked away w bipolar. Hard to explain this to my son now.

moogs

I don't see this as hard to explain as much as people not understanding. At the time you saw that as the best option.

[~Christina]

I am Bipolar , my husband isnt , We thought at one point the marriage was over, due to financial reasons we had no choice but to stay together until we could get our house in order sell it and move out spilt the money and divorce, until then we decided to just be kind to each other. We did. I was in Therapy and working hard , we did decide to do couples therapy. Him and I had tons of resentment towards eachother for all kinds of reason , was kind of a shock to lay it all out on the table , I didnt think he gave a damn anymore and didn't believe I had Bipolar nor even read up on it, I though he was just being mean etc, he felt I was faking things ( his first wife played the illness card to just get her way) and lots of other totally untrue issues.

Anyway . Our marriage survived , hard hard work on both of us to save our marriage.. marriage is like a garden it needs tending , daily......whether Bipolar or MI of any kind is involved or not.

Sometimes everyone need to just take a huge step back and breath.

I hope if it's possible you can both work on your marriage, Best to try everything you can .. If you don't , well then all the "What if I ... What is she .. What if we both... " All the What ifs will haunt you.

Good luck Welcome to PC

It depends on many factors. It is never good to stay in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage. If that is the case, it is better to leave whether you have kids or not.

[Here2There]

Things have been up and down for us as well. When they are down I'm sometimes not sure our marriage will survive, then we both make an effort, sort out issues, and it's OK again, and I'm glad we stuck it out. I think it depends where you are in your relationship, what you've already tried, how willing your partner is to meet you half way, and the reasons it's feeling like you'd be better off alone.

[LDB1]

Unfortunately my marriage failed a year before I was diagnosed. I had the symptoms of BP my entire married life but no one knew what they were looking at. As I am now I wouldn't ask someone to put up with me.

I'm on the edge of divorce, not because of bipolar, it's because my partner has given up. I'm the one way out there but always trying to make it work, but my partner is so self centered and all about its self, I CANNOT stand it anymore.

I either can so "okay whatever you want master", or say "whatever". If you wait a minute, it'll probably change if not find a medium ground. In my case. It's written in stone.

[Crazy Hitch]

A LETTER EVERY BIPOLAR PERSON SHOULD WRITE TO THEIR PARTNER:

Dear Partner,

I am glad that we are together in this relationship. I want to try and make this work.

I want you to know what to expect in this relationship so that we are both on the same page.

Well we are all so different as Bipolar people.

No one Bipolar person looks like the other.

We can present in different ways.

So yes there are certain diagnostic criteria that we do meet in order for the diagnosis of Bipolar to occur.

I know that you love me, please accept me for who I am. I am still human.

I want you to know that Bipolar people do go through episodes indeed, and we do not get to pick and choose the duration nor the frequency of our episodes, these are just inherent upon us, but please believe that I will do everything in my power to mitigate symptoms when I am aware that they are happening.

These episodes are a little bit like boomerangs.

I can assure you that I will do my best to keep these episodes at bay.

I am trying my best here partner to make you understand what this is like for me.

All said and done it does not necessarily mean that I will be "episode" free; again, this is like a boomerang. I do not know when my next episode will occur, but it will. It could be stress, or it could just be nothing other than an episode. But I do know these warning signs of this episode.

Well I guess in order to make a relationship work, any relationship really, this requires committment and hard work.

From both parties.

I am trying my best here.

I have laid all cards on the table for you because I love you.

I will not ue my diagnosis as an excuse to attack you verbally or emotionally. I have choices. I will choose my words and my actions wisely.

I will put awareness measures in place so that if I am going through an episode I will not project the anger directly onto you. I do not want you to think that I am angry with you.

In my darkest hours I want you to know that YOU are the reason that I keep living and breathing.

During my happiest of days you are my sunshine and my reason for living.

I will love you irrespective of whether I am manic, stable or depressed. I will continue to love you even though I know that I may confuse you at times. This can be quite confusing for me too but I will acknowledge your feelings and you as an equally important person.

I will work closely with my treating mental health team in order to keep my symtoms under control. I will communicate with you when I feel the start of a mood swing occuring in order to give you a heads up. Not that I am asking you to fix me partner. You can not fix me. I am working on this. Please bare with me for moments when I may laugh for no apparant reason. I don't mean to alarm you when I do this. Nor do I mean to alarm you when I feel depressed and there are days I don't feel like getting out of bed. It doesn't mean I love you any more or any less during these episodes even though you may question my love for you.

And I have already shown you from my side what I am prepared to do to make this relationship work.

So here's my advice for you my loving partner.

I would like for YOU to now please think about what YOU are going to do, to meet me half way to make this relationship work.

So here's my advice on what you can do.

1. Support me when I goes through episodes. You do this because you love me. Because I am human. Because I am still the same person who is human [who, footnote, has an MI].

2. Educate yourself. About symptoms. I recognise my early warning signs. Can you meet me half way and recognise the warning signs too? This will help me tremendously. This will work effectively like synergy's iconic metaphor (you know the power of 1+1=3). This will be an extremely powerful tool that you can use in this relationship.

3. If I am hospitalised, please support me. Would you be prepared to visit me every day in hospital just to let me know that you still love me because I am human [who, footnote, has an MI].

4. Please educate yourself more about the myths that society holds about Bipolar. This is great. Education is a powerful tool. The more you know what is the truth and what is a myth, the better equipped you are into making this relationship work.

5. Please forgive me if I do have some days that are a little bit "off key". This can often be mistaken for being a mood episode. It's not really. Bipolar people are human and do sometimes experience feelings, just as you do. It is important that you and I are honest with each other at all times about our feelings too. You are very important to me in this relationship.

I think this relationship has fantastic potential.

You have found such an amazing person and you are both in love with each other.

My advice?

This will be my motto moving forward in this relationship with you my partner, I will continue to ask myself this:

"ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country"

There's no other way this will work really.

Best wishes to you and I moving forward in this relationship.

I love you now and I will for the rest of my life. Please continue to love me in sickness and in health.

[Confusedandused]

Originally Posted by BP2014

The divorce rate is 50% for "normal" people and 90% if one spouse is BP. I am struggling in my marriage and no longer happy. I often feel I would be better off alone. I know this is selfish and I have two wonderful and healthy girls who I adore. Any advice?

I understand what you are going through. I have often felt he would be better without me. He has made threats of leaving and there are times I wish he would just go. I am not sure why he doesn't just leave.

[leejt1986]

My mom is Bipolar and my dad is the most supportive, patient man I have ever met. I honestly don't know how he's done it for 30 years

When you are "right" and you love her and she loves you....tell the bipolar to go to h_ll.

I sometimes feel that my children and husband would be better off without me. I would die a certain death if alone. I would miss them so much and I would probably get myself killed very quickly. I don't want to be alone in stable state... If anything, I want my family around me more than they are willing. Is this mood specific or something you feel all the time? When manic I can feel like everyone is holding me back and holding me down. It's such an embarrassing symptom... The things I do I strange as heck. So embarrassing.

I hope you find your peace in this subject.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Those statistics are very alarming to me because my bf and I talk about marriage. I'm the BP one in this relationship. My bf is sitting right next to me right now and I told him those statistics and he said "I can see that." That hurt. But I get what he means. I also have BPD which is the ultimate cherry on top! He's gone nuts on me many times. Packed his clothes and all. I never once tried to stop him because deep down I get it. I would want to leave me too! All I ask out of him is compassion and understanding. And he's stayed because he tries. He truly does love me and he jumps through hoops. But I see the look in his eyes that it's not easy.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tikiiku79]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I sometimes feel that my children and husband would be better off without me. I would die a certain death if alone. I would miss them so much and I would probably get myself killed very quickly. I don't want to be alone in stable state... If anything, I want my family around me more than they are willing. Is this mood specific or something you feel all the time? When manic I can feel like everyone is holding me back and holding me down. It's such an embarrassing symptom... The things I do I strange as heck. So embarrassing.

I hope you find your peace in this subject.

I feel the EXACT same way. My husband is the best but I just can't.