[SilverSprings]

So, I have been dealing with a monkey on my back for awhile now, it is just causing me allot of grief. It is my family business, my lack of my Dads communication, his "my way or the highway" attitude, his- dumping all in my lap and forgetting about it attitude. I am so stressed out. Our business is extremely stressful and the main issue is i am in charge of personal things, and they like to just dump in my lap. well, if i disapear, they will not know what hit them. Everyone always pretending like its fine! I had enough and started to send my resume around today. I will take it as a sign if someone asks me for an interview.

Yes i get time off as needed and yes i can work at home, yes he puts me in classes/school, but in a normal job setting one does not have to put up with the nonsense that i do. I am so torn. i have been in tears daily over this BS

i had a melt down in DBT class last week when talking about my experience here.

the way my dad runs things- so 'loosey goosey'... it just doesnt work! I know he is smart man, and i am pretty sure he is mentally ill too, (Im convinced BP is on his side).... but i can not take it anymore. On top of which, i feel trapped here and even if i find some other job- my dad still might insist i come in part time or after hours to help. I have a big family, i help everyone do everything. i am a substitute mother and offer worker. i feel so USED

While i am in the office completely alone in the basement- he is cooking away all the time, that is, when he is not MIA upstate at his hunting playground (which in fairness he does let us use at will... anyhow)- I have no idea what to do. I have contacted my uncle who also works with us, b/c the stress is so bad for me. I need to know if there is hope on the horizon. (we are hugely in debt right now, our customer is extremely slow to pay- so on top of that being a issue, there is the personal bills that are piling and piling....)

You know, at the end of the day, yes my parents love me, i love them, but i feel like my whole entire life i am working, with, helping, doing something for them. Yes when i got married first marriage they paid for everything. But i dont even know what its like to have parents who dont need something from you all the time.

:'(

If i ever have a family- i'll be damned if i need my kids to survive this way. It isn't fair to think of your kids as your personal worker bees, even if you do pay them. Thank god my other siblings have learned by my mistakes. They are doing their own thing and they are chasing their dreams which makes me so happy.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by SilverSprings

So, I have been dealing with a monkey on my back for awhile now, it is just causing me allot of grief. It is my family business, my lack of my Dads communication, his "my way or the highway" attitude, his- dumping all in my lap and forgetting about it attitude. I am so stressed out. Our business is extremely stressful and the main issue is i am in charge of personal things, and they like to just dump in my lap. well, if i disapear, they will not know what hit them. Everyone always pretending like its fine! I had enough and started to send my resume around today. I will take it as a sign if someone asks me for an interview.

Yes i get time off as needed and yes i can work at home, yes he puts me in classes/school, but in a normal job setting one does not have to put up with the nonsense that i do. I am so torn. i have been in tears daily over this BS

i had a melt down in DBT class last week when talking about my experience here.

the way my dad runs things- so 'loosey goosey'... it just doesnt work! I know he is smart man, and i am pretty sure he is mentally ill too, (Im convinced BP is on his side).... but i can not take it anymore. On top of which, i feel trapped here and even if i find some other job- my dad still might insist i come in part time or after hours to help. I have a big family, i help everyone do everything. i am a substitute mother and offer worker. i feel so USED

While i am in the office completely alone in the basement- he is cooking away all the time, that is, when he is not MIA upstate at his hunting playground (which in fairness he does let us use at will... anyhow)- I have no idea what to do. I have contacted my uncle who also works with us, b/c the stress is so bad for me. I need to know if there is hope on the horizon. (we are hugely in debt right now, our customer is extremely slow to pay- so on top of that being a issue, there is the personal bills that are piling and piling....)

You know, at the end of the day, yes my parents love me, i love them, but i feel like my whole entire life i am working, with, helping, doing something for them. Yes when i got married first marriage they paid for everything. But i dont even know what its like to have parents who dont need something from you all the time.

:'(

If i ever have a family- i'll be damned if i need my kids to survive this way. It isn't fair to think of your kids as your personal worker bees, even if you do pay them. Thank god my other siblings have learned by my mistakes. They are doing their own thing and they are chasing their dreams which makes me so happy.

It sounds like it's not healthy and I'm glad you are sending out your resume. Sometimes boundaries need to be set. I had a boss back in the day that was unstable. She yelled, was unreasonable with deadlines, or hell taking a day off work for icy roads. She was insane. I was caught though because I made tons of money for my age and got huge bonuses. When she wasn't screaming at someone she could also be the nicest person (almost like a mom). My husband was always telling me to quit because I was miserable but I liked the money and when things were good, they were very good. So, in reality it was an emotional abuse relationship. I wish you much luck!

[B2008]

My aunt who also deals with mental illness among other things helped me to understand. I'm a giver also everyone is put before me and I will run myself ragged trying to make others happy. She says to me the road to wellness is a selfish one. You have to get used to putting yourself first.
It's a hard thing to do but sounds like u need some selfish time too. Just because you leave the family business for a while doesn't mean you can't go back. Also sounds like they need to make a go without you to see just how much they should be appreciating you. I'm just a housewife with 4 kids but two years ago when everyone forgot Mother's Day I really wanted to disappear too. It's like we become that reminder on the fridge that you see so much you start to not see it at all. Good luck!

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[Keegan2015]

That is unfair that your family is taking advantage of you like that. I've never worked for a family member, but I used to work for a family friend and it actually made things more stressful because I was worried that screwing something up or wanting to switch to a different job would be construed as a reflection on the personal relationship that I had with my employer/family friend.

If I screwed up, it wouldn't just reflect on my competency, but it would damage the interpersonal relationship I had with this person. So I was constantly paranoid and stressed and obsessing over minutia.

Now that I work in a more traditional office setting, I find myself much happier. The work-life balance is a lot healthier, and there is no role ambiguity.

If I were you, I'd definitely keep sending out resumes. Good luck!

[wiretwister]

my first business rule has always been ... no matter how tempting ... no matter how much pressure is applied ...

NEVER go into business with family ....

[Ocean Swimmer]

I hope you get a new job.

[SilverSprings]

Thanks all...
I was working at my dads business since I was like 17...
I didn't know better at the time, was working at local grocery so I thought Wow! This is a great opportunity!
Fast forward.. I think lots of pressure, guilt, lack of leadership or guidance... Led to stress in my life. Then the biz went south, I was married at the time and my Ex and I went into biz. (Ouch!) that was toxic as was the RL.
Then I was divorced, got a new job outside my family yay! However they were also a small family co. Eek. I was not happy and would tell my dad how unhappy and abysibe they were (bosses wife was very manipulative, threw a pen at me!)
So, I quit and my dad offered job here until I found something else...
Well, things were booming and able to keep me on for few years.
Now, I'm torn bc of flexibility but at the sake of my sanity.
I think I know what I need to do, I'm just scared of the change.
����

[SilverSprings]

Ok, so i need someone to help me put things in perspective. I am feeling allot of pressure to change up my job situation. When i made this post, it was the height of **** hitting the fan, as things can do in a family/small biz. It has happened before- I am trying my best to implement ways and structure w/in the biz, so it is easier moving forward and we dont go up the creek each time when things are bad or slow.

I am well aware of that some aspects of this job are unhealthy. I think there are also aspects of this job that i have grown into so much, that when i did take another job- i really missed. (grass is always greener).

The thing is that I like to learn, i like to advance and i love to read. However, i hate too much work, structure and restriction. here- i can peruse online (and post here) at will, b/c its partially my company, i am a partner / legally on corp books. When times are lean, i can lay back more, and when they are good, i can go on vacation and take long weekend w/ my BF.

See- being in my mental state- which is easily tilted i realized, stress is not great for me, either is lack of sleep or too much change. the thought of a job working the typical grind doesnt so much scare me as is entirely unappealing to me!

Now, i can roll out of bed, chill work out and take my time, go to office around 9-10ish ... work a few hours, in a relaxed environment for the most part, unsupervised, with my Dad offering me oatmeal or coffee.
Most days i leave by 3-4pm, go home, relax, cook, be happy, see my BF. (he usually comes home in a decent mood b/c he actually likes to work - the whole German work ethic thing is no lie). And some days he comes home exhausted b/c he is on the phone ALL day, while im lucky to make a few calls a day. i hate talking on the phone, so im good w/ that.

I feel like there are voices saying " youre just making excuses- you know better".
My BF and others might say - time for a new job. But that is when im complaining, stressed and miserable. (which happens in a VERY extreme way for me, due to my illness ....)

so, i guess there is no real answer here except for the one i choose to make .... I know i am part mother hen, but i am the big sister, i always have iked it a bit, my siblings really look up to me. they think i am professional and glue the family together. so , it is not totally unappreciated..

my bf- he likely envies some of my free time, or he thinks i should make more Loot. or he wants no more of my complaining...

but i just know myself, at my last job, i was not happy! i grew tired of the long hours, i got into mischief w/ my assistant b/c of boredom. i did that b/c i had to do it. and it was right for me at that time, allowed me to be free and single for the first time in my whole life. it was incredibly liberating!

sometimes im like "omg here i am, im back here again!" and sometimes im like "phew, thank god, here i am and i can just relax and do things at my own pace, and sometimes not go in at all, b/c that is just me and what i need". and my dad and i still love eachother, and he and i both trust and understand eachother even though things are not always easy.

Lets see what happens friends!!! thanks for the support and <3 to you all

[SilverSprings]

I have probably been in denial, i have decided to go on some job interviews and make a decision once all the cards are on the table.

Now, just to get over my awful fear of interviews!!! :O

I have 3 scheduled in just a day or two of sending resumes... kind of excited, kind of freaked out!

I'm sorry hon, but you need your space. See how spreading your wings is a positive effect on your mood? Keep it up sweety, for I've been job hunting too, and possibly just been hired this morning after the background checks are through. I've found some relief.

[Keegan2015]

Congratulations on lining up job interviews so quickly. Are they for positions similar to the one you had/have at your family's business? Good luck.

[SilverSprings]

Thanks! Well, i might have bitten off more then I can chew.
After having a lot of interest in my resume, and scheduling several interviews, it threw me into a bad state, i went down a spiral for the first time in a while.... I have a big exam coming next week, stress of my current financial and job / family situation, PMS - for me that is all it takes sometime, as well as the stress of interviews so.... I saw my Pdoc, she advised me that I might be either self-sabotaging or simply trying to please everyone. My heart- at the moment- says to stay loyal to family, to take my time w/ my decision, and perhaps- take a part-time job so that life remains a bit flexible and i am not overwhelmed.

I have still 2 interviews scheduled, one would consider part-time, and i am pretty relaxed b/c that is someone i already spoke with. And the 2nd is likely going to be cancelled. The 3rd was w/ a recruiter for a high level executive assistant job, which is not for me anyhow.... i dont want to be married to my job, at least right now, i am focusing on getting myself better first.

The family business, if it remains in tact and if there is a future there for me- it is simply an option for me and i would only stay if there is more structure, respect and it must balance out better so we are not in this tight financial situation.

I am not getting paid and that is unacceptable!

[SilverSprings]

Hi all, I am so happy to say that I had 2 job offers out of the 2 interviews. I decided to accept one of them, and already start Saturday.
I am really excited and also nervous. It is in a different environment- prior i was office manager for my dad (as well as a whole host of things...) and now, i am going to be a bookkeeper in a Accounting firm! The owner/partner said he has good feelings about me, and feels excited for me to join their team.
This has given me a sense of pride and hope that honestly I haven't had in a long time! or maybe ever!
I can feel my life changing for the better. I am working on my Anxiety. I am dealing however with a lot of stress during this transition....
After the 'high' of the job acceptance, even talking/including my parents, having their support, i still have to work p/t for my dad. Things are REALLY bad for his business right now, i have a lot of worry and guilt. I am trying to deal w/ that.
I have an exam tomorrow, Dr appt today, new job this weekend, ahhh so much going on and im just trying to grab life by the horns.
I did have a big setback last night and also about 1.5 weeks ago (rage attack/ anxiety) but at least my BF and i identified it (even if it was after the fact .... ) as my anxiety. I realize, i have a lot of anxiety and worry to deal with. That , right now, is my focus.

I wont let it stop me- i am going to face my fears, one at a time.