[Victoria'smom]

So I'm angry instead of daydreaming of hurting my husband because he was snorting and possibly hurt him

Possible trigger:

I got up and cut up and down my arm probably 13+ cuts all superficial (I feel)

This was after trying the kolotipin. Upon learning of this H wants me to have a new T because I told T this was going to happen. This was the lesser of the two evils

Possible trigger:

my other thought was to OD for their safety

I'm safe right now but I won't promise I won't hurt myself again if my anger gets the best of me. I'm throwing out the kolotipin so ODing won't happen. He thinks T didn't do enough to keep me safe. I think I'm an adult and it happends. I'm in such a better place then I was yesterday. I'm no longer scared or bothered I screwed up. Do I need a new T? I see him Thursday and pdoc Friday. Any ideas to keep anger under control?

[BlueInanna]

I think you're on too many ad's and need a better anti-mania med.
I love you, you're one of the smartest ladies I know and a great friend.
You know how I feel about the cutting I can't stand to think of you hurting yourself.
What if you went and got a tattoo instead? I would start a fund. I've never had one but I want to.
You are the one to decide if you can make any headway with this t or just get a new one. There is a possibility that you're making headway when the therapy starts to get really umcfortable and you want to run. At least that's what i may have done with my past therapy.
At the same time you need to be ready to contine deeper with t. You can let him know it's overwhelming slow down. He's showing you trust since this last session & you're not letting him down it's not that. But he's showing you he's trustworthy and I think that's a good thing. I think he's a good t. But you & Miguel have to decide this. It's a big decision take a few days to decide if you can.
Much love.

[Victoria'smom]

I want to keep my T. I think that he's good for me. The whole reality checks every session and me not being afraid of telling him absolutely everything on my mind. I restarted the ad that I thought was poison last night. I've only slept 4.5 hours. I'm leaving meds up to pdoc. The abilify is my anti manic obviously it's not working right now. If pdoc wants to change it I fear ip for me. I have to many comitments to go but I'll have too. I'm scared of all that's up in the air. Tattoo would be a great idea but I'm afraid I'll regret it later. . I'm so angry and so scared.

[Icare dixit]

From what you've written and the meds in your signature, I'd also suggest fewer antidepressants. Abilify is also relatively activating and so is lamotrigine. If you don't sleep enough, you may want to try a different antipsychotic or at least an immediate-release type med in the evening. Trying other antipsychotic meds is at least not very time-consuming, relatively speaking.

Another option would be to increase the Lamictal.

If nothing helps, at any rate, it is at least better to be angry than to be self-hurting or worse. Do let it out (in a safe way).

But I have no knowledge of what you tried and how you reacted to different meds, but hopefully it is somewhat helpful advice.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Oh baby. One shouldn't have to put up with anger and fear.

I was watching "what the Bleep,Down the Rabbit hole" yesterday. You can learn a lot from it. Some things I'm like maybe. Other things ring true.
Yes I agree with Blue. Med change- talk to Pdoc next week.

Sounds like you need to be inpatient whether you like it or not. You've sounded that way for several days now.

[violetgreen]

For reality check: did the action you actually take cross over the line you and your therapist set? If yes, is ip and a med reevaluation the next step? It sounds like you trust your therapist and your process, no need to 2nd guess that now. After I brought my husband to a therapy appointment, he wanted me to dump her, for a reason not important to me (she's intense). Well I know my T is good for me, as you know with certainty that yours is good for you. Please take care of this.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm going to try to stay home until I see t Thursday. We agreed superficial cuts were okay. If I have to do it again I'll go ip on Monday .I need a med change hopefully just an Ap prn. I'll look into the movie.

[BlueInanna]

That movie, what the bleep do we know, is really good. Let us know if you can find it.