[ComfortablyNumb5]

Just looking at this subforum on my tapatalk app. I've literally posted in most, if not ALL threads! Omg. *puts head in hands*. I just want to apologize incase I'm butting in and hogging the forum! I've contributed a lot to other subforums too. Just tapping around. Blah. Sorry to everyone if I'm being annoying and a bit hypo. Thought I was crashing last night but I see I'm back "up" again today! Thing is, I don't know if one of my many meds are to blame. And I'm on so many, there's no way in telling which one! Omgaawwwd. I'm so embarrassed. Well thanks for dealing with my crap! I owe you all big hugs!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[pirilin]

Apology not necessary. We love here, 'ya know?.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. We love you Queen!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Aww thanks guys!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

I feel like this a lot too. I belong to 4 different facebook groups for the same topic lol, and I post a lot so I'm thinking to myself that I have already posted too many times on this group, so I will post this on another one etc so people don't think I'm too annoying haha.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I belong to one other forum but it's been dead as a dog lately. So I go on there once I exhausted all threads on here. I don't think I have the balls to talk on fb about any of this stuff. Most , if not everyone on my fb are uhh "normal?" But I do have a couple friends and fam that msg me and ask how I'm doing and let me vent. That's about as far as that goes.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

I understand, the facebook groups I post on are not mental illness related. I don't like to talk to people about my issues, I guess because of the stigma. I don't want people to judge me, or think I can't take care of my kids. So I generally keep it to myself. I don't even like to get help from my dr, just admitting I have a problem is hard.

[gina_re]

I actually find all your post interesting to read. No worries.
Besides, this forum is the most active anyway!

Sent from my SM-T550 using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

Do you think that's because people post a lot when they're manic?

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Melmo

Do you think that's because people post a lot when they're manic?

I think both. When you're depressed you post...misery loves company. When you're manic, you post...so many ideas and thoughts to get out. Between the two, watch out!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Melmo

Do you think that's because people post a lot when they're manic?

Yes! My hypomania can go two ways, like I get NOW or it gets bad and I get dysphoric. Maybe my dysphoria is full on mania though because it gets really bad. When I'm like that I don't think I post though. I'm usually too upset and anxious to care about being on my phone and I just do whatever I can to feel better. Even if that means taking extra ativan to sleep it off.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I actually find all your post interesting to read. No worries.
Besides, this forum is the most active anyway!

Sent from my SM-T550 using Tapatalk

I get people that call me "interesting" or weird all the time lol. Trust me I'm not that fun IRL though lol. I'm much more social behind a phone/computer screen!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I think both. When you're depressed you post...misery loves company. When you're manic, you post...so many ideas and thoughts to get out. Between the two, watch out!

Yea, I tend to only come to this site when I am depressed and forget about it when I am doing well. And I find sometimes I feel like I have so many things I want to post, weather it's here or facebook...I feel like I annoy people and they just ignore me, and nobody cares.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I get people that call me "interesting" or weird all the time lol. Trust me I'm not that fun IRL though lol. I'm much more social behind a phone/computer screen!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This is so me. I am very opinionated and get into fights with people on facebook all the time, but I feel embarassed because in person I am not like that, I have social anxiety so I would never say most of the things I do online lol. One thing I am particularly ashamed of is calling one of my dad's best friends a racist piece of **** on a facebook discussion group. Thankfully I don't think my dad knows about it and the few times I have had to be in the same house as his friend we ignore each other and pretend it never happened. Racism is just one of those things that really gets me going.

[violetgreen]

I like reading your posts! No worries

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Actually when I'm any kind of manic I isolate myself and go in my room because there's a bit of anxiety that comes with it. Even if I'm in a good mood. I even ignore my bf when he's right next to me because my face is in my phone on here. So in other words I treat you guys BETTER than I do my own family? Lol. The only reason I'm in my living room right now is because my bird is going nuts and I'm sensitive to the noise right now and I'm home alone. I love being home alone when I'm feeling like this. I easily get annoyed or anxious like this.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Actually when I'm any kind of manic I isolate myself and go in my room because there's a bit of anxiety that comes with it. Even if I'm in a good mood. I even ignore my bf when he's right next to me because my face is in my phone on here. So in other words I treat you guys BETTER than I do my own family? Lol. The only reason I'm in my living room right now is because my bird is going nuts and I'm sensitive to the noise right now and I'm home alone. I love being home alone when I'm feeling like this. I easily get annoyed or anxious like this.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This is why most of the time I like being single, because I almost always want to be alone. I don't feel comfortable being myself around other people, I even feel anxiety around my family, it's wierd. I have not touched alcohol since August 2014 and I am really trying to avoid it because I tend to use it to ease the anxiety and mellow out. Although I do have some in my fridge right now and have for a couple months because someone bought it for me.

[Melmo]

But then when I gt really depressed like the past few days, I would do anything for someone to just hug/hold me. I cried myself to sleep last night just wishing I had someone. But I'm a selfish *****, I push people away so i'm better off staying single.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I quit drinking last May when I was so bad that I was physically addicted and self medicated. I would wake up every morning sick and had to drink. I had to go to a hospital to safely detox. I never would even leave the house unless I was buzzed first. I even drank WHILE driving to my destination (no I'm not proud of it!). I didn't go through rehab like I should have so I dealt with a lot of emotional stuff getting used to sobriety. That's a long story though. I haven't even had one drink since because I know that once I start I won't stop. I'm a all or nothing type. Part of borderline personality that I have too. Hell I have a whole list of MI. It makes life debilitating at times.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

I know what you mean about all or nothing. I'm just too scared to drink when my kids are here because I don't know how well I will be able to take care of them if I have even had one drink. Especially after not drinking in so long, I am a cheap drunk so it doesn't take much.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Better off! I was fun after a few drinks... Until the 14th beer and I'd black out and get all dramatic. I blacked out almost every single night to just sleep for a few hrs. I've always had insomnia so the only way I could sleep was if I was blacked out. I remember the last time I drank. My bf and I went out to eat and I woke up not even remember being there. And it was only 5pm. That's when I woke up and checked myself into the hospital. Lucky I'm still alive and not in jail.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Melmo

But then when I gt really depressed like the past few days, I would do anything for someone to just hug/hold me. I cried myself to sleep last night just wishing I had someone. But I'm a selfish *****, I push people away so i'm better off staying single.

These are my exact thoughts I struggle with. More so lately. Mainly because I would like to have someone to share my life with, but at the same time, I'm so moody and unstable sometimes that I don't even think it's worth it and I should just stay single. Don't know what's in between that, so single it is..

[Melmo]

I have only blacked out once. It's really wierd. I went drinking with my roommate at the time and her coworker who I didn't know. I remember getting really drunk and us walking home from the bar and then that's it. The next morning, I woke up with me and my roommates coworker sleeping in my single bed lol. My coat was inside out in the corner or the room like I couldn't figure out how to work the zipper so I just pulled it off and I later found pictures of us on my webcam that we took while completely drunk. It's really wierd finding pictures of yourself you can't remember taking lol.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by gina_re

These are my exact thoughts I struggle with. More so lately. Mainly because I would like to have someone to share my life with, but at the same time, I'm so moody and unstable sometimes that I don't even think it's worth it and I should just stay single. Don't know what's in between that, so single it is..

Exactly. I have only had one relationship that worked out, until I found out he was watching child porn and cheated on me twice, getting one pregnant,(and then engaged) and the other being my best friend at the time. Ever since, I have pushed every other person away, my relationships never last more than a few weeks except for one that was 3 months. I am moody, I don't like to show who I really am to anyone, I ignore people. I am just unloveable.

[gina_re]

Yikes! I'd probably feel the same way if all that happened to me too. So I get what you're saying. I'm bad with interpersonal relationships in general, friends or romantic. So the wall has been built and I haven't let anyone over for a visit. I have the same issues with my self-esteem and hating myself, something I'm now working on with the new T I found. But we're all lovable, it's just really hard to see sometimes.