What do you say to a 9yo when your uhh "sick"?

So I just now found out that my bf's 9 year old is upset with me because I've been in my room lately (I call him my step son, he calls me step mom). Between dysphoria, hypo, exhaustion I feel like I just can't be around anyone right now. And honestly he never even wants to do anything but play with his huge collection of electronics and keep his face in his iPad. So I had no idea that I was hurting his feelings because really nothing's been too different. He didn't come home from his grandmothers house today because he's so mad at me. Well do I even try to say I'm not feeling good? Do I not say anything at all and just take the blame? Of course I'm aware that I am to blame. That much I will admit. If I have any say in his upbringing (and my bf does take me into consideration as far as raising him) then in the future when he's much older, like an adult even, I'd like to explain bipolar to him so he doesn't grow up thinking people with a MI are freaks that deserve to be treated badly. Of course I'm not blaming this all on my MI. I probably should have made an effort and didn't be so selfish by hiding in my room. I feel horrible. My bf is even mad at me. I don't know what to do or say to make this better. I want to say SOMETHING but definitely not use the word "bipolar" just yet. My close minded bf would probably even get mad at that cuz at the end of the day I am the weirdo who screws everything up anyway. What would you do/say to your kid at age 9?

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Kids are very observant. I'd tell him that you have been having medical problems with being able to control your emotions, and the doctors put you on medicines that made you sicker, and you have been resting to get them out of your system.

Yes he is VERY smart. He knows things about his mother that a kid should not know yet. Because she did things with him around. He notices everything! So I have to take my meds in the bathroom because I don't want him thinking I'm some drug addict.

My bf's 6 yo is over right now and I'm making an effort. I'm out of my room and playing (I just beat a chair with a foam sword to save him from the monsters lol). Now I'm loading him up with sugar before he goes back to his moms hahah.

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I had to tell my kids (mostly) the truth that has been going on with me. My kids have seen me hysterical and over-dosed. They're scared for me.

I have always been great with them. I have always taken care of them and never screwed up meeting their needs.

They know I was taking 'meds' and have been getting possible psych diagnoses thrown at me. They also know that it is really my bad relationship with their father that is causing all this for me. Also, they know their grandma (my mother) is a wacko button presses for me sometimes. So, they know I am dealing with issues with people and not just MI in general.

I want them to know the truth. Now that my youngest is 13, I even let them see the bad things drugs can do and told them to learn from it and not ever let anyone drive them to such depths where they want to harm themselves!

At only 9 and 6, though, they are still very young kids. You are a role model.

I would also agree with this. It's ok to be honest about it but in words that kids can better understand. I think it's important so that they know that can't always control your emotions. In other words, that it's not THEM.

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Has he seen the movie Inside Out? It's a really good way to explain moods and feelings and how it all interacts and how you have to work harder sometimes to prevent system failure and lots of other good stuff.

I have two stepsons. When I was at my unmedicated horrible, angry self, I said awful things to them. I overreacted. If I had known what was happening, I would have absolutely said something to them so they would know it was me and not them.

They figured things out awhile ago on their own, I'm ashamed to admit. They're 18 and 16. I'm not sure what exactly they know or what they guess.

But when I do lose my temper on occasion, I calm down and go to them and apologize for overreacting.

With my daughter, I've explained my depression and why I had to go inpatient. When I've been manic, I say that it's kind of the opposite of being depressed and I have lots of energy. That's why the house is clean, lol. She knows about my self-injury because my scars basically cover my entire body except my face. When she was little I would tell her I'd talk about it when she was older. There came a day when she was like, "mom, just tell me" and I explained it in a kid-friendly manner.

All very good advice. And rainbow, I'm not sure if he seen that movie but maybe it would be something we can watch together. It's so hard when your sick and you don't realize what an impact your health has on others.

My bf and I are fighting over text right now. I lost it and told him I wanted to leave. For good. I guess a bing thing I left out was that i recently lost my job and we're going through tons of stress. His 6yo wanted to leave because he was bored. My bf got upset and said "yea we can't even afford to buy them toys now!" And looked at me. So after everyone left and I was home alone all I could do was blame myself and I kept thinking that if I just leave them then he wouldn't have to spend his money supporting me and he could buy his kids stuff so that they wanted to be here with him. I actually told my bf all this and said I'm done, now the kids hate me, but if I just go then they will be happy. It was my erratic behavior and BP that caused me to lose my job so this IS my fault... Right?

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I think I recall from an older post of yours, your boyfriend lives in your house, right?

Yes.

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I had a crisis a couple of months ago, and so I became the topic of a lot of family conversations. My 12 year old granddaughter had lots of concerns and questions. She mostly wanted to know if I would be ok. Her concern was really sweet and didn't make me feel like I was ruining her life. That's different than being blamed for stuff not in your control. I think, your BF and step kids are putting too much pressure on you. How frustrating!

Then again (I just thought of this out of nowhere...), what if I do tell him, and he takes it badly and says something to his grandma or his mother and THEY hold it against me?! I don't get along with my bf's mom and she's a trigger for me. I know to stay away from people that are triggers for me especially right now. And she says some pretty horrible stuff to him now and the latest was the day I lost my job I went to my pdoc because I was flipping out. My drs advised me that I should try to get on SSD. And his mom said "your kids are going to get taken from you because they'll be around a MI person!" Omg. The last thing I want to do is SCARE him.

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Maybe they are putting a lot of pressure on me. That's also a reason why I do want to tell him. So he knows that I'm absolutely not doing this on purpose and I don't hate him.

This really did come out of nowhere. And strangely it's after he spent the night at his grandmas house (who knows I'm sick). This came totally out of nowhere. I'm caught off guard by this and I never saw this coming.
A part of me thinks my bf's mom said something to sway him into thinking I don't love him. She's done this with the boys mom in the past so no, I'm not just thinking this because I'm sick right now.

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I'd say just do your best to make them feel like you enjoy them. Give lots of hugs, tell them how much you love em. If you absolutely cannot get out of bed, let them know it's not them and you're sorry. It would be ok imo to say you're sad about work or something. And change the subject, ask all about their day. I think you're right to not mention bp at this point. People have used that against each other in custody battles.
The thing with fake it til you make it - it really can work. Forced smiles & laughter & positive self talk can retrain your subconscious mind. Helped me get better for sure. I'm a much better mom now with my 3rd. And I'm so grateful for that. I've also done a lot of healing and rebonding with my older 2. It's all possible.

Really sorry about posting so much in this thread. But I just want to add this and know what people suggest....

Ok... I'm often scared to make the kids upset. My worst fear from the very beginning was that they'd hate me. I was so nervous around them at first that I was scared to even talk or tell them what to do.

My dad had a gf when I was the same age,9, and she abused me. Badly. I'm going to leave it at that. Never admitted that on here ever. Well I now have PTSD from it and can't even talk about it to a T because I start flipping out. I'm 28 now. Well I always blamed my dad for ruining our life's, for bringing her around. To this day I hold resentment towards him and her. Now of course I would NEVER do is to anyone let alone a child. But I'm afraid that the kids will some day blame me for their parents splitting up and maybe "ruining" their childhood like this woman ruined mine. Their dad did start dating me before the divorce was over and their mom blames me of course. But it really isn't my fault they divorced. He left her because she was a drug addict and exposed the kids to it. So now I'm always scared to tell them what to do and discipline them and scared I'll be the "bad guy". So that's why I'm taking this really hard. I'm afraid my worst fears are coming true. If there's a possibility that he hates me as much as I hate my dads ex, or feel hated like I did, then I would never get over it. That's why I wanted to just leave... For good.

I told my bf to call me on his work break. I didn't even think to get his opinion on me telling his son about me being "sick". I think all I'm going to say is "you know I lost my job and I'm going through some things and I'm a little sad. I see a dr for it and I'm getting better. It's not your fault and I love you guys. I just need to get better so our family will be ok during this time. And if your feeling like I'm not there for you then you can always come to me and just let me know. I promise this is not your fault and I just want to be better for you guys." Big hugs after. Aaand now I'm crying lol.

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Is there a parenting class at a learning annex?

When I moved away from home age 16 - first one 1/2 brother wanted to live with me then the other. They were used to wild mood swings as their father is a full blown alcoholic. He'd actually be nicer drunk.

My mom would explode if everything wasn't perfect - then lock herself in her room. So they were used to that too.

Regarding your original post, I find nothing wrong with telling them a simplified version of the truth. I have a 10 and 8 year old and they have both known about my mental illness for a couple years now. They don't totally understand it, but they know enough to realize that my mood states and ****** behavior isn't because of them. They can understand that I have an illness that affects me that has nothing to do with the way they behave or with how much I love and care for them.

I was confused because you said you would leave, but it's your house.

It sounds to me like you've been detoxing in the bedroom and the kids are upset because they're bored. Maybe they're worried about you, too. But, if they are acting like they 'hate' you, it's probably just because they feel neglected and are bored.

So, I think just make more effort to play with them. Take them to the park, to a movie, if you can. There really isn't any need to say anything.

If they ask about your health, just saying your doctor gave you medicine that made you feel worse and you had to go off it if good enough.

Their mother is a drug addict. I think you should try to show them you are strong and there for them. If they have a 'step-mom' who is also having issues with drugs... That's got to make a big impact on them. I'd try to get drugs out of the picture in front of them- they see more than you think they see.

Detoxing in the bedroom? Umm no. Not at all. Yes I quit one of my meds but I in no way was "addicted". Maybe you missed the part where I said I lost my job and not doing well on my current meds. Very up and down. Half our income is gone plus I can't get a med change until the 14th. We're going through a lot as a family. And having a MI doesn't help. But this is enough to make a healthy person lose their mind. Thanks for your input though.

Edit: added this...
Sorry I didn't answer about the living situation... I would leave because I can go to my dads right down the street. But I would never even consider kicking a 9 yo out of his home. I would at the very least let them find a place to settle down and give them time to move. I'm the one that did all this. So I feel responsible to do what's best for them right now, at the cost of me sleeping on dads couch. Maybe I'm too nice, I don't know.

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It's an open conversation in my house. He knew we took "head boo boo" meds when he was 4. Eventually he wanted to know the name. What it did? He knows it makes us too happy, too sad, too mad. As he's gotten older he's gotten to see me psycotic, my marks, mad, med changes, hospitalizations, everything. I don't hide but he has no idea how bad it is. He's asked what depression feels like and we were honest. It's the flu without the cough. It's being so tired you don't want to get up to go to the bathroom. Feeling so bad you want to die. Mania is getting to happy to think about safety or too mad to think straight.

Miguel's- That's great that you have that kind of relationship with your family. I wish I had that growing up. My brother is probably the only one that's somewhat supportive. His ex wife was really bad BP so he got to see it up close and personal. He cried to me one time and said "it's so so sad that you have to depend on these meds just to get through a day okay." Im very thankful to have someone like that.

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To op, I haven't read this thread in its entirely so this may be a bit redundant. Firstly, I agree with the other posters who have said to be as honest as you can.

My kids have asked me numerous times why I take so many meds and I always tell them they help keep me from being sick. Since I have been sick for so long, I honestly believe that laying on the couch/sleeping and sometimes behaving erratically just feels normal to them. If they ask what's wrong when I am unable to function or cry all day long, I just tell then that I am very sad but will feel better soon. Then if I am manic, I still tend to isolate. However, when I do show them attention , it is dancing around the kitchen like ignorant fools and getting ice cream and then head out for very long drives. I read to to them night and on and on. The rare times I find myself stable , I am a healthy and consistent and available mom. No matter what though, I am certain they always know how much I love them. I snuggle often, put them in my lap, give lots of affection, and tell them I love them frequently.

My children are 8, 5 (almost 6), and 2.