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#1
Feb 17, 2016, 11:47 AM
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I work as a cardiologists assistant. Or worked. Thea's nurse just called me into her office and asked what was wrong with me and why I have times where I'm crying and times where I'm good. Oh and also my caughing! Besides the adult asthma I told her I was BP and the stress from the staff and the long hours gives me need swings. She said well "the doctor doesn't want you around him and said to see a doctor and the other workers are complaining too". I started crying because all I could think about was how my house is going to go iNto foreclosure now. I called my bf and he told me it's time to think about SSD. I called my pdoc and they got me in to see someone, anyone, asap. So I'm in the waiting room. I'm so upset and scared.
Just talked to a new pdoc. He said the amount of meds I'm on are causing interactions that are making me go haywire. He wants to put me in IP to get off the them but I'm fighting for my life telling him no. Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
 Anonymous45023, BeyondtheRainbow, BipolaRNurse, BlueInanna, cashart10, gina_re, Hairball, Hashi/bipolar mom, kindachaotic, PsychNitrous, raspberrytorte, UpDownMiddleGround, Wander, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Feb 17, 2016, 12:14 PM
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I know it's not what you want to hear but IP may be safest for a little bit while they figure out new meds for you. I'm so sorry for your job loss and I hope you can find something else quickly or perhaps get SSDI.
__________________
Bipolar II and BPD with an Unspecified Tic Disorder. Currently on 80 mg of Latuda, 25 mg of vistaril and 25 mg of elavil. |
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#3
Feb 17, 2016, 12:48 PM
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Oh no!! I'm so sorry to hear about this. I know you've been having difficulty at work. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, you never know. I know IP doesn't sound like the best idea, but maybe it's necessary. Either way I hope your medications are evened out so you feel better. Please take care and keep us updated!
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#4
Feb 17, 2016, 01:13 PM
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I'm not sure it was the BP as much as the misuse of drugs as you mentioned a few days ago. This would be a good time to take stock of your mis use of your drugs. You've been posting on how you are addicted and misusing . If your pdoc wants you to go IP now would be good because you no longer have to worry about your job. This would be the proper way to wean off, not on your own as you were talking about.
Are you resistant to IP because you will not be in control of which drugs you are taking?
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
 Blue_Bird, Keegan2015
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#5
Feb 17, 2016, 01:34 PM
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i'm so sorry for your job loss. i've had a similar expierence with my old job many years ago. but back then i didn't know i was bipolar. they asked me why i went from being confident to being depressed and been hardly able to grasp anything in the job. i was depressed the entire time. they fired me 6 days before christmas. it really sucked. but now i have a stable job since december just gone. they fully understand my bp and it's great that i don't need to hide. but i could only day only my boss and 1 collegue knows about my illness.
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Bipolar affective disorder 2 Possible cptsd not yet dx Seroquel 300mg Lithium 600mg Propranolol 30mg |
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#6
Feb 17, 2016, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
MWell thank you for stating the obvious. I misuse drugs to cope with BP and even when I've had weeks of sobriety i still get mood swings because of the stress of the job. And no, I'm hesitant to go to IP because I've never once saw a dr in there that knew what they were talking about or even took the time to know me before they hand me new meds. I was honest to them about the use of uppers and they were worried about my caffeine addiction as well. They said its caused mood swings. I agreed to detox at home besides seroquel that I need to sleep. Then I'm coming back next week for a new cocktail or whatever they want to do. If I have any problems then go to the hospital. Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
| bipolar angel, gina_re
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| gina_re
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#7
Feb 17, 2016, 01:51 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'd be stressed and upset too. I hope everything works out. Hugs.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#8
Feb 17, 2016, 01:54 PM
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So sorry your going through so much right, thinking of you HUGS
Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
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#9
Feb 17, 2016, 02:49 PM
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So did you also tell them about your suboxone / opiate habit as well? Let's be real (from one addict to another) you've been abusing a lot of different drugs and the substance abuse issue is probably equally as big a problem as your BP symptoms at the moment. you may want to start going to NA meetings or see if you can get referred to an IOP program of the sort. Now that you don't have the job responsibilities to worry about you can focus full time on kicking the uppers/downers/etc and finding proper medication / coping skills.
__________________
--Keegan BP1 Substance Use Disorder -- Alcohol (In Recovery) 900mg Lithium 15mg Temazepam PRN "Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They're Not After You"
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| BipolaRNurse, Cocosurviving
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#10
Feb 17, 2016, 03:24 PM
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Everything ends today. They even said my caffeine intake was scary. So I have to quit that too. I stop all psych meds too until next wk when my blood work comes back. I'm more scared of how I'm going to be mentally. They're letting me keep my seroquel though. Thank god because I can't do this without sleep! Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
| bipolar angel
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#11
Feb 17, 2016, 03:31 PM
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Quote:
 I thought that had to be tapered down, especially since an anti conversant.
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#12
Feb 17, 2016, 03:43 PM
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This must have been so devastating. I'm sorry events took a turn like this for you. IP might actually be a good option, as someone else has said. IP isn't forever, and what do you have to lose?
__________________
 Be uniquely you, because you are a beautiful person regardless of whatever diagnosis you have. Bipolar Type II with Psychotic Features PTSD with Dissociative Features Borderline Personality Disorder ADD Social Phobia Creative Writer and Artist Genderfluid |
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#13
Feb 17, 2016, 04:49 PM
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They're going to cold turkey you off of ativan?! You really should wean off of that at least or you might end up in the ER.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#14
Feb 17, 2016, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
I only take my ativan PRN so they aren't so worried about that. His first thing was the vyvanse. He couldn't believe my old pdoc put me on it cuz I don't have ADD and I'm an addict. Also the 2 pots of coffee plus 3 energy drinks a day. All making me crazy and agitating my moods more. So that's all bye bye. That's gonna suck. I said "in IP they're just going to let me sweat it out in a cold hard bed so I rather be home". I'm more worried mentally. Am I going to go towards depression or dysphoria? I sure hope depression because the dysphoric mania is pure hell. I'm scared. To death right now. And I have no support system around me. My family and bf are all telling me to get off my *** but I'm breaking down and crying non stop. No one gets it. Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
| Anonymous45023, bipolar angel, cmc3663, gina_re, kindachaotic, raspberrytorte, TishaBuv
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#15
Feb 17, 2016, 05:36 PM
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Hoping you get this under control and feel better soon.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#16
Feb 17, 2016, 05:44 PM
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Going off all that cold turkey at once is worrisome to me. Any way you could at least stop just one med every few days? I'm so sorry that you lost your job. And can only imagine what you are going through ((((hugs)))). |
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#17
Feb 17, 2016, 06:09 PM
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If I physically can't take it I'll go to the hospital for detox.
But the major reason why I don't want IP... Over these past 4 months I've had like 5 diff pdocs and they just keep adding on meds without even reading my file. All of them kept me on. Vyvanse with no history of ADD but huge history of substance abuse plus a daily, dangerous amount of caffeine that was all noted in my file. None of these pdocs even put it together that hey maybe I'm over stimulated and that's why I'm flying so high one day and crashing so hard the next. Yes, I should of spoke up but the addict in me thrived on the next "up". Now every single time I've been to IP, they never gave me time to detox off my current meds. They just supplied ativan around the clock, put me in a hard bed, and yay classes all day long until it was time to sit in front of yet another pdoc that would whip up a brand new cocktail because he think he knew me. I'd play nice for two days then got out and went on my way mostly unstable with years of the residue of other meds in my head. Then they'd all stop working. Id stop the meds, start the drinking. Because no one in freaking IP gave my file a minutes glance to even take care in my diagnosis. I'm sure there's good ones out there but my insurance is crap and I'd end up in a cattle farm going through the motions to be put on the wrong meds and sent on my way. So I rather be in my pillow top bed, crying into my own pillow, scrubbing off sweat in my own shower. Edit: just want to add that more than anything, I'm scared of the mental withdrawal. I'll either turn depressed or dysphoric and I have no support around me. My family and bf just thinks I should get off my damn *** already. I'm terrified to feel the pain, the tears, and let's hope to god I don't [trigger] get so bad I self harm. It's been years but I've never done all this at once before so I don't know. But I'm scared. Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! Last edited by ComfortablyNumb5; Feb 17, 2016 at 06:21 PM. |
| bipolar angel, BipolaRNurse, gina_re, raspberrytorte
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#18
Feb 17, 2016, 06:21 PM
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If you really want to get sober you'll need to accept your part in all this. Nobody put you on the coffee or the energy drinks that was totally you. You mentioned you just bought 3 adderalls ...just how does one just buy adderalls? Off the street? You need a support group go to NA.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#19
Feb 17, 2016, 06:27 PM
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Hey RxQueen,
Sorry for your troubles. If your insurance is still valid, I'd consider a full 6 weeks in a private facility for dual diagnosis. The beds are nice and you certainly won't be alone. Call your bank and tell them what's up and you'll get a few months to get your mind back in order. A week of detox and some new meds is not going to help - get a full 6 weeks of treatment if you can. Good luck, moogs
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL Previous meds I can share experiences from: AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin Other - Buspar, Xanax Add me as a friend and we can chat 
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#20
Feb 17, 2016, 06:28 PM
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Obviously I accepted my part if I'm spilling all honesty out on here! I've accepted my part and told my dr everything today. Did you miss that part? And often the caffeine was to snap out of the seroquel and other psych meds when I had to be up early. Sorry if I forgot that tidbit. And I'm not saying ANYONE put me on it except for my prescriptions. I've been nothing but honest on here but thanks for your "caring" reply. Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
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#21
Feb 17, 2016, 07:26 PM
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rxqueen - Whew! Happy to hear you were only taking ativan prn. Benzo withdrawal is no picnic. Even with tapering it's a good four months at the least withdrawal experience before you start feeling a little bit better (for me anyway).
I've never gone through a stimulant withdrawal so I don't know what that's like, but I hope you'll be alright. Hugs!
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#22
Feb 17, 2016, 07:48 PM
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Thank you to the people who had kind words and faith in me. It seems others disagree with how I'm doing this or blame me for it. First off, not every program works for every person. And IP doesn't have medical equipment (iv's, monitors, rapid detox, ect) that I'd agree too. And IP never helped me at all. I seem to be getting PMs of people doubting me and saying I'm lying to myself. How much more freaking honest can I get on here?! I have nothing to hide!
May I remind you that many of us with BP or BPD have turned to substances from time to time? It's quite common? I'm not making excuses for anyone but I'm just saying, if you've been where I am right now, why are you being negative towards me when I've been nothing but honest? I'm at rock bottom and going to be having the sickest week of my life, physically and mentally and the last thing I need is doubters. I'm being honest to everyone here and honest to my doctors. They are aware I'm doing this at home and are ok with it. Trileptal 600mg BID Buspar 45mg Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvanse 70mg Risperdal 4-6mg PRN I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
| BlueInanna, cmc3663, kindachaotic, PsychNitrous, raspberrytorte
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#23
Feb 17, 2016, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| bipolar angel
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#24
Feb 17, 2016, 08:34 PM
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Call it what you want. Think of me as you wish. I'm at rock bottom and there's no more excuses I could possibly pull out of my *** at this point. They can call it what they want in NA too. NA,AA, ect was never my thing. Once again, I rather do this first, get my head and system cleaned before I go back to psych meds because I want my body to respond correctly for once. The place they were offering (prob cuz my bad insurance) was a cold hard bed and pdocs that don't take into consideration what may already be in my system and start piling on meds without taking the time to see if they're even working and just push me out the door. It didn't work the first 3 times so why would I waste my time again? My doctors and case worker all looked over my meds and agreed that I can do it at home. I show up next wk with a clean system to try new meds because that is what they want. I don't know how many more times I have to explain this. Detoxing at home from all psych meds at the moment because of self admitted abuse. Doctors orders and then new cocktail. Just being honest. I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app! |
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#25
Feb 17, 2016, 08:48 PM
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Hey RxQueen,
Sorry you are having problems finding support. What's the plan for the 3 adderals? Are you out of Suboxone, Tylenol 3, and Ativan? Did the doctor who is ordering you to detox from all psych meds know about plans to further self-medicate beyond today? I'm here to help and just would like to understand the details. Thanks, moogs
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL Previous meds I can share experiences from: AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin Other - Buspar, Xanax Add me as a friend and we can chat
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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