[Ocean Swimmer]

Every so often I do a check and find myself riddled with guilt.

I've spent a lifetime fighting the would-a , should-a, could-as.
My philosophy has been -What are you going to do about it now.

But as my mixed episode intensifies,I'm breaking my own guidelines.

For example, If I hadn't gotten sick last year, I wouldn't have undergone the ECT which is messing me up right now.

Well I know you can't change the past.so why am I fixating on it?
How do I keep getting my feelings hurt from workers, robbers , embezzlement ? Why am I looking for reasons to blame myself ?

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Maybe you need to find something that moves you that can not be taken from you.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Like a philosophy. But my bipolar symptoms seem to rob me of that too.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

It may seem to, but it shouldn't be able to.

Intangibles are all you'll ultimately have.

Good luck! You must know, that it isn't impossible to be happy with so little.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I am happy brushing my cat. Playing and feeding my dog.
Eating fresh ground coconut and rice every morning. Coffee.
My vibrator.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Seems like you'll be just fine.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks has massive amounts of guilt surrounding things he did in the past. He often muses that he hopes he could always have been diagnosed as having a mental illness. Because, if not, then that just means he was simply a bad seed. There's nothing he can do about any of it now. It was all over-&-done-with many years ago. At this point, he simply strives to live in the present accepting things the way they are. It is all there is that is left...

[TishaBuv]

I feel guilt about things, too. I feel survivor guilt and even guilty for being successful. I kick myself over dumb choices I made or things I got away with.

We've just got to not let us be our own obstacles for having good lives. There are plenty of people to put us down. Why should we put ourselves down? If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yeah. I'm reading a new book today and that's distracting me from evil thoughts.
Thanks.

[violetgreen]

I was just thinking about this. This is day 2 of my husband trying to share his would-of, could-of, should-of tirade about how I need to earn more money. Uh huh. I'm on unpaid medical leave, and I just started a nice, comfortable, low paying part-time job that is great for me. His behavior was triggering for me yesterday, so I told him I was angry with him, which was triggering for him. Last night, even though my feelings were hurt, I realized that neither of us was being very effective. Don't want to hijack the thread, but, I'm going through a version of what you said.

I feel guilty constantly. Over stupid things that I said and did. Most things that I didn't do on purpose but was just too oblivious to know better or too weak to speak my mind. A lot of those decisions I made while I was manic but some of them long before I was diagnosed and sometimes it's hard for me to separate myself from those mistakes and remind myself I'm not that person anymore. Especially because I'm still in touch with some people who know me as that person and I feel helpless to convince them otherwise. For me it helps to practice mindfulness. There are free meditation guides on youtube you can find, or just sitting quietly in a comfortable place with no distractions and think about your breathing, your surroundings, the weight of your body. All of this helps me clear my mind and after about 15 min or so I feel a lot of relief.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I meditated on my kitten sleeping today. That helped me a lot.