Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 03:20 PM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
I wrote this about self-acceptance, but it/I wasn't accepted, so I started a new thread. Maybe it sounds all a bit delusional or nonsensical. It's just what I believe. Ignore if you don't like delusional thinking. That'll protect you and locks you in.

Sorry, haven't read it (yet). Just wanted to say that Buddhism, or other form of religious essentials, can set us free.

Grounded by flux, fastened. Intuition guiding us our singular way, the only we may follow without friction, anxiety. It teaches us to not fear just feeling and observing. It teaches us self-transcendence, dissolving the ego to recreate, reorganise it, without conflict, with greater consistency and breadth. To doubt without fear.

Basically, dissociation, derealisation while extremely manic, without panic, with focus. In the eternal moment.

I teaches us that we can be, and mostly are, right and they are wrong. We just need to accept that, despite people constantly saying, with great sophistication, that we aren't.

Knowledge and wisdom that has survived the ages is more true than anything like psychiatry.

Non-essentials of religion are often corrupted, like any delusion. A society with psychiatry or any similarly authoritarian church is corrupted, corrupting very essential truths to enslave us. It's enslaving co-option of the worst kind.

Acceptance is knowing we are essentially right, admitting we didn't accept that, and accepting that others don't accept that.

Associating, reintegrating, the dissociated tripartite of our soul: mania, depression and stability.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.

advertisement
  #2  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 04:35 PM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie
Thanks for posting this. I bookmarked it also. I am having a very very hard time with self acceptance. I've always had problems with it, but it's a thousand times worse since my diagnosis.
Do you have any idea why that is?

Maybe because you feel it's just not right, even though you "know" it is?

I agree that "cup of tea"-thing, no fear but reintegration, is one of the most important things. Acceptance of yourself by accepting every part of you, including depression (and mania).

I believe the emphasis on symptoms only and seeing it as an illness are serious roadblocks.

I generally fear illnesses, even if I know I have them.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #3  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 04:45 PM
Anxiousvalkyrie's Avatar
Anxiousvalkyrie Anxiousvalkyrie is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: Sweden
Posts: 494
I was brought up in a world where everything always had to be perfect and the only thing in life that mattered is how you were viewed by other people. I was never thin enough or pretty enough. I never dressed the way I was supposed to and didn't follow the path that was designated for me.

This has always made me have issues with self acceptance. It caused me to develop body dysmorphia at a young age too. Several years back after my divorce I quit my job in finance and I said screw it, I don't care anymore and I up and moved from NC to Sweden, got remarried and am perusing a career in fashion, which is what I have always wanted to do. My father quit speaking to me and basically disowned me for not 'doing what I was supposed to'. But for the first time I felt good about myself. Then after a year I fell into a depression, and now am in a super intense manic phase. Then I got diagnosed bipolar. I'd always been terrified of thst because I'd worried that I had it and that my family would reject me (as they did my bipolar aunt). So the diagnosis cause me to take a huge hit as far as how I view myself.

Where I come from it's not ok to lose your s***. It's not ok to wander from the given path or to be different.
__________________
Bipolar I
Borderline Personality Disorder
ADHD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.”
― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
Hugs from:
Icare dixit
  #4  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 04:46 PM
Anxiousvalkyrie's Avatar
Anxiousvalkyrie Anxiousvalkyrie is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: Sweden
Posts: 494
I had more thoughts on this but my brain is bombarding me with a million things and I can't think straight. Much less type out anything else that's coherent. :/
__________________
Bipolar I
Borderline Personality Disorder
ADHD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.”
― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
  #5  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 05:03 PM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
You've expressed yourself very well (much better than I generally do).

I have luckily just one parent (and one sibling) who is very exacting about what I should've done and the way I could've (that I couldn't even is of course nonsense).

You sound wise. Trust your own wisdom.

I am schizomanic, so I am a bit more accepting than those with just BP, but not accepted very much. That's how things go. It isn't a coincidence obviously: we are wise (arguably many with schizomania or schizophrenia just more, but we are delusional, chronically ill).

Soothing idea for most in society: "schizo" means useless, so ignore.

But not for us: we know, feel, it's not true.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #6  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 05:21 PM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
And Sweden must be so nice this time of year. All the sun! I am jealous.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #7  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 05:58 PM
pirilin's Avatar
pirilin pirilin is offline
SUPERMAN
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 3,680
I'm too tired to reject or accept. Your call.
__________________
]Roses are red. Violets are blue.[

Look for the positive in the negative. PIRILON.
If lemons fall from the sky, make lemonade. Unknown.
Nothing stronger than habit. Victor Hugo.
You are the slave of what you say,
and the master of what you keep. Unknown.
Hugs from:
Icare dixit
  #8  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 10:09 PM
Anxiousvalkyrie's Avatar
Anxiousvalkyrie Anxiousvalkyrie is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: Sweden
Posts: 494
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icare dixit View Post
You've expressed yourself very well (much better than I generally do).

I have luckily just one parent (and one sibling) who is very exacting about what I should've done and the way I could've (that I couldn't even is of course nonsense).

You sound wise. Trust your own wisdom.

I am schizomanic, so I am a bit more accepting than those with just BP, but not accepted very much. That's how things go. It isn't a coincidence obviously: we are wise (arguably many with schizomania or schizophrenia just more, but we are delusional, chronically ill).

Soothing idea for most in society: "schizo" means useless, so ignore.

But not for us: we know, feel, it's not true.
i

I will be the first to admit I am way too hard on myself. But once you've been told enough times that you 'didn't live up to expectations' (and by that I mean I'm a pink haired, tattooed artist and not a suit wearing conservative lawyer) and that you 'could and should have followed a straighter path because you didn't live up to your potential' you start to believe it.

My life since I was a teenager has been one huge intense roller coaster. Now I know why I have such violent mood swings, deep depressions and manic episodes, but for the longest time I just felt (for lack of a better word) crazy. I suffered in silence for many years with only my (now ex) husband knowing how 'crazy' I was. I kept from my family as much as I could, showing up on holidays to appease them but otherwise tried to keep them at arms length to avoid further damage to my ego.

Several years ago I started thinking I might be bipolar but I avoided psychologists like the plague. I feared a diagnosis would make me even more of an outcast in my family. I had a great aunt who was bipolar, she was the 'eccentric aunt' who was always treated like a she was completely insane (though I never saw her that way) and generally kept away from events so as not to embarrass the family. The last 6 years of her life the family decided to put her in a mental facility and I never understood why. I didn't want to end up like her. But after my recent suicide attempt I knew there wasn't another choice but to seek treatment.
__________________
Bipolar I
Borderline Personality Disorder
ADHD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.”
― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
Hugs from:
Icare dixit
  #9  
Old Apr 25, 2016, 10:11 PM
Anxiousvalkyrie's Avatar
Anxiousvalkyrie Anxiousvalkyrie is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: Sweden
Posts: 494
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icare dixit View Post
And Sweden must be so nice this time of year. All the sun! I am jealous.
Sweden is amazing, I absolutely love it here. I get my citizenship in a couple of months and will probably never move back to the states. It's a beautiful country, the people are lovely and the lifestyle here is much, much less stressful for me.
__________________
Bipolar I
Borderline Personality Disorder
ADHD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.”
― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
Hugs from:
Icare dixit
  #10  
Old Apr 26, 2016, 03:10 AM
gina_re's Avatar
gina_re gina_re is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 3,537
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icare dixit View Post
I teaches us that we can be, and mostly are, right and they are wrong. We just need to accept that, despite people constantly saying, with great sophistication, that we aren't.
I'm a practicing Nichiren Buddhist and this is not part of our philosophy. We are all buddha, there is not a right or wrong.

I didn't red all the other posts, so sorry if I missed anything else..
  #11  
Old Apr 26, 2016, 04:46 AM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Quote:
Originally Posted by gina_re View Post
I'm a practicing Nichiren Buddhist and this is not part of our philosophy. We are all buddha, there is not a right or wrong.

I didn't red all the other posts, so sorry if I missed anything else..
Ok, I, uhm, extrapolated. You're right. It wouldn't.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #12  
Old Apr 26, 2016, 05:15 AM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icare dixit View Post
Ok, I, uhm, extrapolated. You're right. It wouldn't.
However, as psychiatry teaches us that we are wrong to accept (what leads to) mania, they'd be wrong.

If you believe something, something in direct conflict with that would be wrong.

But, whether there is a real conflict is at least debatable, but probably wrong.

At any rate, there is some, call it meta-wrong in there. But maybe only a meta-right. Indeed, maybe no such opposition as I described.

Call it polemics. Not very Buddhist, I'll admit.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
  #13  
Old Apr 26, 2016, 05:49 AM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie View Post
i

I will be the first to admit I am way too hard on myself. But once you've been told enough times that you 'didn't live up to expectations' (and by that I mean I'm a pink haired, tattooed artist and not a suit wearing conservative lawyer) and that you 'could and should have followed a straighter path because you didn't live up to your potential' you start to believe it.

My life since I was a teenager has been one huge intense roller coaster. Now I know why I have such violent mood swings, deep depressions and manic episodes, but for the longest time I just felt (for lack of a better word) crazy. I suffered in silence for many years with only my (now ex) husband knowing how 'crazy' I was. I kept from my family as much as I could, showing up on holidays to appease them but otherwise tried to keep them at arms length to avoid further damage to my ego.

Several years ago I started thinking I might be bipolar but I avoided psychologists like the plague. I feared a diagnosis would make me even more of an outcast in my family. I had a great aunt who was bipolar, she was the 'eccentric aunt' who was always treated like a she was completely insane (though I never saw her that way) and generally kept away from events so as not to embarrass the family. The last 6 years of her life the family decided to put her in a mental facility and I never understood why. I didn't want to end up like her. But after my recent suicide attempt I knew there wasn't another choice but to seek treatment.
Yes, expectations lead to conflict. Within ourselves and with others.

In my family, at a young age, I was championed as a poster child for success. Anything others didn't achieve, I could and would easily. Expectations were high. I believed in myself.

I think that's quite typical for the likes of us. The conflict with reality might be the bravura precipitando that started it all. It's, in my case, typically hebephrenic.

Too high expectations is something that distinguishes us from those with SZ, I believe. If we lower expectations we become more SZ-like.

Awful what happened to your aunt. Really awful. What misplaced pride!

As a general rule, the higher the expectations, the less the acceptance.

BP is somewhat a high-SES (socioeconomic status) thing. SZ a low-SES one.

The fall of grace is very destructive.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
Reply
Views: 950

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:02 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.