Cheating SOB

How are you doing today?

I'm so very sorry. I don't post often but have been following what's going on with you. I just can't imagine the betrayal you must feel. Talk to your therapist, and post on here all you need to. I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.

Would he read this? http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disord...8/psychcentral

Thinking of you xo

Sorry I'm just now responding. I have been too exhausted with tears to exert any energy reading and, especially, responding to threads.

Today was not particularly horrible. I spent until noon crying and thinking about things like who will put up the outside Christmas decorations that my children adore if I don't have my husband to do it and how in the hell will my children get past this. My heart is absolutely broken. After that however, my aunt took me and my kiddos that didn't have school (public schools where I live are always out for Oaks day) out to lunch and then we went shopping. She told me to spend money without asking my husband (not like hundreds of dollars or anything, just enough to enjoy shopping--turned out to be only $10). I normally always ask him if it is okay to buy anything (except the times I've been particularly manic). I have exerted some authority about the situation, letting him know that he isn't in charge here and that this isn't going to be a seamless transition. He doesn't like it at all. He is expecting me to be entirely submissive without considering it is he who is leaving.

Tonight my husband is going to keep my children and I'm headed to my mom and dad's to watch the movie war room which I've yet to see but my therapist consistently tells me to see. Anything that keeps me distracted is a good thing.

Also, I saw my therapist yesterday and she gave me wonderful, sound advice as well as supporting me.

As soon as my husband could put his cell phone under his own name, he did. He wanted to make sure no one had access to his records. I am still having difficulty trusting him. Like my therapist said, you don't go from "I'm willing to try couples therapy" to "I want out ASAP" unless there has been a major change such as an affair.

Tonight, he went to "Sams Club" and told me he would "probalbly be stuck in heavy traffic on his way home." If it weren't for the other issues it is a probable situation (and may still be) but now I feel suspicious about everthing.

Oh, and my sister and I sat down to budget and discovered that I will have to bring in $2000 on top of what he will be paying me to survive and maintain my household bills.

I haven't worked outside of the home in almost 7 years. I have been so unwell for the last few years I'm not sure I will even be able to carry a job, especially a full time job. At the same time, I haven't worked enough quarters (I'm only one shy) to get SSDI. I am SO overwhelmed by this situation that I see myself disintegrating on the floor. But, everyone keeps telling me I'm strong and that I will get through this. I guess I have to be strong for my children but how, I don't know.

Awwwww, cash, I'm so sorry with what's happening. My thoughts are with you

Thank you for this. I have several bipolar books, including this one, and I've had them for quite some time but he won't read them. Even if he says he will, he won't.

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

So, his trip to Sams to get 2 things and come home has taken about 2 1/2 hours and he is now in traffic again (he works 30 minutes from home).

Plus, he just advised me that he is going to see a movie tomorrow night with his "buddy Tony."

My mom told me to tell him to have fun with his friend "Tonetta."

(((((Cas)))))

I confronted him again and, once again, in denial. Of course, what more could I expect.

Does he have a friend named Tony that you know?

No...he says Tony is a new guy friend from his work. HOWEVER, the straw that broke the camel's back, my cousin saw him out to eat with another woman. My husband STILL denied when I confronted him AGAIN, claiming that one of his guy friends was also there and just happened to be away from the table.

I will say however, since then he has been sucking up to me...he feels guilty. This is a very good sign to me. If he comes to his senses, confesses to me that this is happening and repents, I will forgive him in a second (and slowly build trust). I don't want my family to fall apart. I'm praying for that.

I'm glad you know it's not you and it's him. Hopefully he'll see what he's doing to his family and stop.

There's way too many red flags here. For your sake I hope you guys can work it out but if this is what he's doing to you and your family, maybe a separation is for the best. Maybe try living apart for awhile so he can see what he's missing. What ever happened to "in sickness and I health"?

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I so agree with mm. Hopefully he will open his eyes and realize how selfish he's being. So sorry he's putting you through this. Lotsa hugs.

A lot of things don't add up with what your husband appears to have said along the way ... and unfortunately I've learned first hand with my (ex) husband if you smell a rat ... there often is, unfortunately

Another unfortunate thing I've learned the hard way is that even if he comes clean and you forgive him, it's highly likely you'll find yourself in the same scenario again in the future. I know it sounds cliche...but if he's cheated on you once.... He'll do it again. I'm sure he feel guilty, if he has an ounce of humanity in him, of course he will feel guilty. But unfortunately guilt doesn't always stop the behavior.

I gave my ex multiple chances after screwing up and things never got better, they just continued to deteriorate even more every time I forgave him for doing something stupid he lost respect for me and he eventually left me anyways and married the woman he was cheating on me with.

I totally understand wanting to keep your family together. I tried so hard to keep mine together wih my first marriage. I forgave him for unforgivable things and I learned that even if he was willing to give it another shot...in the long run he still wanted to leave and the time during that last effort was miserable.

It's hard to let go, but in my experience once one partner in general marriage has gotten to the point where they're acting like your husband is things will never be the same. If he stays he will become even more resentful and eventually leave anyways but if you let go it will be painful for a while but then you can rebuild and find happiness again.

Well he is still denying what seems to be the obvious. He says I'm invading his privacy. I explained if he didn't do so many suspicious things, I would have no reason to do this. He did go out to see a movie with one of his buddies yesterday. I want to believe him; I really do, but it seems obvious that there is another woman.

On a separate note, my sister and I have created a budget and even with him paying child support and alimony, I will have to come up with $2000 per month. I have not worked outside of my home for almost 7 years. I don't know if I'll be able to do it.

Oh...and he advised me he is filing on Mon.

Find a lawyer. Maybe your T can recommend one. You can work on things but in the meantime protect yourself.

Google protecting yourself and your children in a divorce. Lots of information out there.

I don't know if these links help, I'm guessing where you live

Divorce | Legal Aid Network of Kentucky
Content / Emergency First Aid / Steps To Protect Yourself During Divorce - S.P.A.R.C.
Divorce Process & Finances: Protecting Yourself When Getting a Divorce
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclope...rce-32139.html
How to Protect Yourself During Divorce | DivorceNet.com

I'm so sorry you're going through this. im going to go to Starbucks and listen to Janis Joplin on my iPhone and say a prayer for you.

Thank you! I am going to a legal aid that my church hosts next week. Hopefully I'll learn a lot there too.

As much as this will hurt I think you need to go through all of your threads on here and document the things he has said and done that were wrong. Like when he held you down a few months ago and the nasty things he has said. If you have those things together you will have them when you need them and you will probably need them.

I wish I were saying something happier.