Cheating SOB

There are no words. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have your therapist, church, family and PC to chat on. Please use all the support you can get right now. I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

He took vows as I said in the other thread. Better for worse, sickness and in health. Cheating is a sin. I did ask you if you thought he could be and you were adamant he wasn't. Cashart don't be afraid of being a single mom. I left an abusive alcoholic I didn't have a job my son was 13. I moved in with my grandmother. You may need to downsize. Whatever it takes to survive. Maybe he's bluffing about the divorce. Call him on it. Tell him go ahead. You will be fine and capable of taking care of your children. Go see a realtor bring the business card home leave it for him to see. Whatever you're comfortable with. But my love if he truly wants out there is nothing that will stop him. You're hurting understandably. Pride heart us bipolars process things slower. Crazy Hitch can tell you her horror story. May give you insight. Thinking about you. Take care of yourself.

^^^perfect reply!!

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Take your meds to the t. Ask your psychiatrist for advice.

The marriage didn't start going bad a week ago, and it isn't all because of some other woman - whether he is cheating or not. I divorced my first husband (of 10 years) 16 years ago, and I am still figuring out what I did wrong. I thought it was all him, it wasn't. And don't tell your children it is all Daddy's fault.

The two of you need to agree to certain behaviors in front of the kids. Certain lines you won't cross. You want to raise them, does he? Try to find middle ground and meet half way. Not because you believe the marriage will be over, but because if there is any chance for any happiness in future you need to work together and be respectful of each other. Divorce turns every emotion into a battle, and every word can become a knife. Sheathe your blade. In trying to use everyone you can to force your husband into submission you are (in his mind) probably disrespecting everything he has asked you over the past week. Just space, time and room to think. Instead you have swooped to control and smother. Nothing is over until it is over. Back off and make your home a sanctuary, not a battle ground. One day can become two, then three.

The divorce process brings out the worst in people. Try to be a good person, but also remember, your children need both of you and neither one of you are due them, or own them.

He might be lying about this so it doesn't come to court, especially if he plans on fighting you for the children.

I should have gotten a lawyer, and listened to everyone who told me not to be so kind to him. We wanted to do it ourselves, but really, it was just his way of continuing to call the shots, but with his best interests at heart, and the heck with me.

Maybe your fighting spirit is a good thing for the divorce Cash.

We already have a custody agreement: me: Fri to Mon, him: Tues to Fri. If it weren't for the house, we could settle out of the courts (we may still). Whether or not he is seeing a different woman is still my concern. He hasn't yet filed for divorce and he is still living in our home. I am fully aware that our marriage is not over because of another woman; it is over because of my illness and nothing I could control. He got fed up with it. But, the divorce was still a major shock to me. That said, the hatred is coming from him, not me. And, he needs to know that this divorce is HIS CHOICE and not my fault. I don't want it in the least. He also needs to understand from a christian perspective and christian and family invention, that he is outside of God's will and that God will not bless this. It doesn't matter to me if it makes him mad; he is already PLENTY mad at me. This will have little impact on that.

I have not swooped to control. The ball is in his field. He won't even touch me because he doesn't want me to think things have improved. Plus, he has been entirely rude and sarcastic concerning this other woman. I know he still loves me but that he is done. I am deeply still in love with him still and am heartbroken, despite the emotional abuse I have taken for a long while.

That said, we don't usually fight; it is mostly him being cold-hearted and me crying and believing everything he puts on me. We agree that our relationship will be a cordial one (he thinks his misery is solely my fault and that ending it will end his perpetual anger) and that we will remain friends through it all. I would never intentionally put anything on my children. They are already going to lose some of their innocence through this divorce. I don't want them to lose more from the things I say. I hope my husband is on board; he says he is.

Is this custody agreement you agree to because it covers when he is not working? Because he has all weekends off in a Mon-Fri work week, and you will eventually want to do something on a weekend with some friends. And if it only covers says he is working, how is that fair to the kids, will they be at daycare?

He went to the movies last night.... with a buddy????? I say bull. A male doesn't take another guy to a movie when his life is falling apart. It sounds like he had a date. Put a private eye on the credit card, and get a lawyer.

FYI - you are also miserable at this time. Don't just think about his needs, and agree to his terms. It is really hard to start thinking about your needs after 10 years with someone, I call it mushrooms and onions. Because I hate mushrooms and like onions. My husband of 10 years liked mushrooms and hated onions. So I put mushrooms in everything and didn't use onions. After I was separated and was grocery shopping - I put mushrooms in my cart and froze. I looked at everything in my cart - they were HIS favorites. Not things I liked. I had to relearn the simpliest things. I think old fashioned woman like me set aside who they are and become something for the other person. Relearning who I was and who I want to be took years. Start being your own best friend and try to find yourself inside and ask what you want. Don't give into anything and miss the chance to stand up for future you.

And I think someone needs to find out who this other woman is. Someone needs to be talking to her about how she is harming things right now.

Be strong. You can do this.