Why can't I accept my bp diagnosis?

I was first dx'd no when I was 14, I'm 38 now. I will go through periods where I understand I have no (usually when I'm depressed), but other times I will flat out deny it, usually to my treatment team. My treatment throughout the years has been inconsistent. Partly because of me, partly because the clinics I go to can't seem to keep staff retained.

Over the past 2 years have flat out denied I was bipolar, maintained I have ptsd, which is true but my pdoc mentioned she thinks I'm hypomanic now and it got me thinking again that maybe yes I really am some version of bipolar.

My most troubling symptoms are intense paranoia, hearing sounds from strange buzzing to drumming, vibrant color shifts in my vision that could be due to migraines. Racing thoughts, irritability. Hyperreligiosity. Other obsessions. Here and there substance abuse. Currently sober.

I'm married to a very patient spouse but he's skeptical of psychiatry, so he will go along with me on my "I don't need treatment" jags.

I just needed to get this out. Any support is appreciated.

You could at least benefit from antipsychotics probably. They also stabilise your mood a bit. I'd say such treatment would probably help you. That's what matters: that it helps you do more.

Hey, don't worry. I was in denial about my BP diagnosis too. I think it's common for BP people to be in denial, especially when their meds are finally working. That's when they think, "Oh, I'm normal! I'm not BP!"

It's important to recognize that BP exists on a spectrum. No two BP people are alike, with some having it more severe than others.

When I was first put on an antidepressant, I started off with 5mg of Lexapro for 2 weeks. Then when I upped my dose to 10mg, I experienced symptom relief in 2 days. I thought that was normal, but boy was I wrong. lol. That really put it in perspective for me.

Despite all that, I still denied I had BP. I will probably continue to go through periods of acceptance and denial, but I think that's normal for the average BP person. You're not alone.

Who wants to feel like damaged goods? I know I don't even though I'm at the bottom of the heap.

To us, we feel normally fine....to us that is. To the rest of the human race, we seem to be not quite there.

S, I place my care in to the hand of doctors to help me relate to the world's general point of view.

(((Hugs))). I get you. I've always known something is different about me, but I used to just think everyone else was wrong when I was manic. Like I was the only correct person in the world and dveryone else should be medicated. It's really hard and I hope you can consistently keep with whatever does you the most good. It's hard but it's possible to accept the diagnosis and see better days. I'm convinced. (((Hugs)))

I was in denial for years but once the PTSD was under control it was easier to see the BP.

They should medicate everyone else to be like us.

It would be like living in paradise.



Maybe just half of all people. That should do the trick.

I wasnt even diagnosed until this year, I'll be 30 in September. Ive been going on 15 years with doctors treating me for the wrong thing and me still being miserable

I was happy to get my diagnosis of bipolar at 25. I thought we could treat it then. But treatments only solved my symptoms about 50% -- still a lot and i'm grateful and all but it's not what i hoped for.

Bipolar isn't 'who' a person is. Look at it like this, your responses, moods, symptoms fall into a pattern that can be described as this title.

First diagnosed in my teens, accepted it in my 40's. Wish I had accepted it decades ago, maybe my life wouldn't have been so curvy.

Took me ten years and multiple doctors diagnosing me with the same thing. Lol. You'll eventually get a doctor who will make you see the obvious and you'll feel better.

Of course we want to deny it. Who wants to admit they're diseased by this debilitating Illness. If only we could brainwash ourselves into getting better. I've been on and off meds since day one (12 years ago) and when I was off meds I self medicated with alcohol. I'd stabilize on meds and think "see im not sick! I can do this!" Boy was I wrong. I think the more we deny it and refuse help, the worse it gets. I started taking meds again 8 months ago and it took forever and many cocktails to stabilize me.

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