[raspberrytorte]

I want to stick a knife in my brain and twist it around to make these thoughts stop.

I've been thought raped all day. Just blah blah, and it doesn't help that the last word in every sentence gets repeated three times, each time rising in volume, so it'll be volume volume VOLUME!!! Is there a volume control in your brain? That would be nice, and where is it and what does it look like and why doesn't anyone know that and is there an off switch too? That would be fantastic, but where is that one located? All day long, screaming thoughts! It's still bothering me. I can't focus or concentrate or even remember what the hell I was going to say and I don't hear people. WHAT? I say that all the time, just what what what, and there are so many reflective surfaces where I work! I never noticed until today. What is watching me? How do I feel them? Oh, look at that, all over the ****ing place!

I'm so fed up with this. I just want to be able to concentrate. If I could focus everything would be fine.

What do you guys do?

[raspberrytorte]

I mean, what can I do?

I don't know what do.

I can't stand this!!!!! I'm sitting outside and its nice and peaceful and quiet for the most part and I'm trying to relax but I'm freaking out!

I try to distract myself but it never works. I try to meditate but it never works. If the thoughts are too bad I take an Ativan and that never works. I guess I white knuckle it and hope it ends soon. Coming on PC and reading about other people's struggles and trying to help, sometimes helps me a bit. (((Hugs)))

[raspberrytorte]

Maybe I should go have a beer maybe that would hep but I never drink because I get a hang over after one drink. It's really sad. Oh my god there's june bugs out here! I hate those ****ers! Maybe I should try going to bed.

I need to know what is happening to me!

What is happening!

[Wander]

I am going through something like this now. It is pure torture so I feel for you. What has helped me best is Olanzapine and lots of distraction. From one task to the other I move rapidly as I cannot concentrate. I do so much but nothing gets done. What meds do you take to help ease this? Do they work at all? The zyprexa helps but sometimes even that is not enough so I would also love to hear more suggestions on how to deal with this.

[Pikku Myy]

I stare at the clock. When I start having manic or raising thoughts my thinking is much faster that the clock.. depressed, it does not seem to move at all. It took a long time for me to realize this and try my best to be on current time. Just my little trick and hope it helps get old fashioned one with arms and you really see. Wish you fell better.

Hot showers with an audiobook playing in the background can sometimes help me. Or maybe some good music. Anything that might distract you. I'm so sorry, it really is torture.

[cashart10]

Mindfulness sometimes helps, especially when I have terrible anxiety or panick attacks. Also, is there anyone you can call and talk to about anything other than what you are feeling or thinking? Maybe to distract you? It's sounds like you are trying to tackle something very disturbing. Is there music that could ease your mind? Any prn meds? I hope you feel better soon.

[raspberrytorte]

That's a really good way to describe it like your brain is being tortured. I do feel tortured right now and should try distraction I can't get anything done either! It's maddening to say the least. I'm on lamictal and gabapentin, and propranolol prn.

[MusicLover82]

I've had times like that (especially while trying to sleep), and listening to guided meditations help me. I also often will drink a glass of milk and take a Xanax or a little extra Risperdal (pdoc told me I could). If it doesn't go away, I would talk with my pdoc if I were you. You may also want to write down how often this is happening and try to see what is triggering it. Are you having too much caffeine?

I'm sorry you're having it so rough.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I stick my face in a bucket of ice. It is such a strong sensation that it temporarily grabs my attention and requires no ability to follow a train of thought or think critically.

I get out the lavender aroma therapy, practice dbt skills or grounding skills, do guided meditations. If I'm really bad off I just stick to smelling the lavender and practicing those skills, over and over. You can find grounding skills in the PTSD forum. Hope I helped.

[st0psign]

drugs and alcohol both seem to do it for me

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks everyone for the responses and ideas.

What I'm doing right now is trying to do some typing which isn't working all that well because I can't concentrate long enough to even type out one paragraph because I hate typing as is! Right now it's proving to be nearly impossible! So I'm watching videos on youtube, which is helping me.

I talked to my husband, came clean with him about what's been going on with me lately. And he's supposed to be leaving to visit his parents but now he doesn't know if he wants to go but I insisted I would be fine. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything. This situation I'm having has been sort of escalating I guess, upon reflection, to this horrible state I'm in right now. Very sucky. I was doing so well. I got 20,000 words into my novel in about two weeks? Which is really incredible considering how I'm a parent and work full time. I have no idea when I managed to do that! I haven't been sleeping well in awhile. I look awful. There's this guy at work who keeps on commenting on it too. Every day... YOU LOOK TIRED! ARE YOU TIRED? SMILE! DON'T BE GROUCHY!

Well, now I'm grouchy asshole!

I was telling my husband about the reflective surfaces/negative entity problem I'm having right now. Very serious. And I kept on seeing his face morphing, like he was about to start laughing at me, and I kept on saying WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING! But he kept on insisting that he wasn't. But it really looked like he was. I don't know. That just bothered me.

I was about to type something else. Can't remember what. Figures.

Thanks again everyone.

[raspberrytorte]

Drugs and alcohol... Lol!

I have some lavender body splash. Maybe I'll go spray some. I love the smell of lavender. Very nice.

[raspberrytorte]

Now I'm seeing black shapes moving. This is just ****ed. I'm ****ed. I'm going to try going to bed.

(((Hugs)))

[~Christina]

I am so sorry that your having such a hell of a time.

Just this thread alone I can tell that your just steadily escalating. Can you call your Pdoc and try to slap this down before you do get into a danger zone ?

I know meds really suck but there are options for a quick knock down .. Years back I was put on oral Haldol for a couple weeks it's old school.. it typically works really fast.

I hope you find some peace.... the raging non stop mind is on the same level of hell as akathesia in my book.

Hugs

Yes, please call Pdoc first thing, ok? (((((((((raspberry)))))))))

[raspberrytorte]

Akathesia for the brain. I like that.

Can you guys actually feel thoughts, like literally? When I woke up (4 or so) initially SWEET! Some peace and quiet, but then it started up again so I managed to push all of them to the other side of my mind and hold them back and could feel them in my skull and it actually worked for a little bit.

I dont know about another day like this but I'll do it. New mantra, for today is, DON'T FREAK OUT!

I would call pdoc but what's the point? I don't see what she can do for me.

[gina_re]

I usually numb myself watching pointless tv shows. That usually distracts me enough to not think about the racing thoughts.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks gina.

I was having this situation where I was having layers of thoughts that were all happening at the same time and I imagined a river in my mind and put them all into that and it helped me fall asleep.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Thanks gina.

I was having this situation where I was having layers of thoughts that were all happening at the same time and I imagined a river in my mind and put them all into that and it helped me fall asleep.

That's a great idea! When I'm having problems trying to fall asleep, I literally count sheep backwards from 100. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[gina_re]

Does this ever happen to anyone?

Thoughts are fine, but then you read or see something that triggers an endless loop of music or phrase in your head? Totally just happened to me.

My pdoc tells me if I start getting symptomatic start taking zyprexa as needed. Do you have an AP on hand?
This is exactly the time that you need to see your pdoc- that's the whole point of having one. You sound very symptomatic. Feel better soon and take care of yourself!