Did you realize it the next time around?

When I had my first manic episode with delusions and psychosis, I had no idea I was bipolar, no idea what a manic episode or psychosis was. And obviously when you're delusional you BELIEVE that nothing is wrong.

Well, because of all that my situation went almost as terribly as possible. I'm just wondering if anyone has had better luck if mania or delusions reoccur?

For example, now that you know you are bipolar, are educated on mania and psychosis, and have been through it before...can you catch it before it's too late? Or are you still so delusional that you believe nothing is wrong again?

Can you help yourself, or do you solely rely on those around you to recognize it? And when they do, the second time around, can you be rational and submiss or do you resist because you're delusional?

My insight around my mood episodes is notoriously bad. I have to be told, otherwise I have no idea and even when I am told I don't always believe it.

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I've been told I have decent insight. The doc said "did you study psychology, cause I see some insight there. I realize something is off but I tend to think it's everyone else and not me. I feel pumped full of drugs and I think people are drugging me. I really think everyone is dumb and nuts and I'm the only sane person. But I also know I'm not entirely myself. I feel like other people are trying to make me look crazy so they can lock me up for insurance profit. I recognize I do not assimilate and I know that you must assimilate to avoid living in the hospital so I take my pills when in hospital and listen to them talk and nod my head. I try to avoid letting them get a reaction from me because that gives them reasons to hold you. My insight is limited but I've known I was manic by how slowly everyone moves and talks. They are so slow. I shouldn't be hospitalized when I'm manic and doctors can be to quick to lock you up. Each delusional episode since diagnosis, I've known I was what would be considered manic, but I felt everyone overreacted to me. That's my side.

That makes a lot of sense to me. I've been told I'm insightful as well, and I always seem to have an idea of what is going on with me. Everything just happened so fast with Prozac, stopping abruptly, stress and relationship issues, ect in a matter of a week or two that the delusions and psychosis came on so fast. I did not realize what was happening, and it's scary. The doctors and my family said it was "the perfect storm" and could never get that bad again. I'm hoping the combination of lithium and medical cannabis is enough to keep me level. And I hope if it does happen again it's not nearly as severe, and that I don't react aggressively and end up in a bad place as a result.

I can't recognize anything. Hell, I couldn't even recognize depression when I was first diagnosed. When my pdoc asked me to explain my current symptoms, I explained everything, and he said, "You know, those are some severe depression symptoms, and yet you're energetic, hyper, and highly productive... That's a mixed state."

Still wouldn't recognize one if I had one again

I do remember hallucinations, but that's about it... and that's mostly because the hallucinations freak me out. (I *do* remember when I freak out.)

Looking back in my past, I can see times where I was MAYBE hypo/manic... but it's a pure guess

At the beginning of a hypomania i have insight and will seek medical attention but once i get rolling i'll start thinking i'm finally 100% well and will be happy for the rest of my days. Then i crash and realize it was just an episode.

I'm the same way if it's just hypo mania, and not manic extreme I'll seek help. Once the paranoia starts it's a different story, it gets harder to recognize at that point.

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My last pdoc told me I have no insight, but she was also horrible.

But she may have been right. I never know what's going on with me really. I can tell something isn't right though because things feel like they shift out of focus.

When I'm delusional, I don't think I am because I believe everything completely, and I always have the same delusions. If anyone even hints that I'm psychotic I get pissed and defensive, so it doesn't matter what anyone says. I don't even realize I'm hypo or manic until someone tells me.

Just my situation.

Yes, I have had more insight in subsequent episodes. Not a terrible lot, but enough that I've gone to hospital willingly rather than involuntarily. I've also found it helpful to have a therapist who knows me well and can tell early on that my mood is becoming elevated (or depressed). Then we can work on sleep hygiene, schedule regulation, and usually also med changes to prevent a full on manic episode. If I'm lucky, I can get away with just hypomania.

I have Bipolar 2, so the only time I was full-blown manic and delusional/psychotic was due to a high dose of steroids. I had a friend point out to me that I wasn't making sense and she asked me if I was manic. I was like, "Yes. Yes I am. I'm going to the hospital now."

But with hypomania, which I am much more familiar with, I generally know when I have it. I am really good at hiding my excitement from others, though because as Elsa says, I want to assimilate. My irritability is hard to hide from my husband because I can just let it rip around him and not be afraid of say, getting fired from my job. But I DO apologize to him after I snap at him. Sometimes he has to point out to me that I'm being snippy or overly insensitive. Then I realize, "Oh, I must be hypomanic."

I have absolutely no insight. I never know how I'm feeling while I'm feeling it. I HAVE to journal regularly just to look for patterns, and even then I'm not so good at it.

At what point did you realize you needed to go to the hospital? Did you experience delusions of psychosis?