Questions: Bipolar version

I wouldn't say happy so much as "terrified to change"

Longest episode?


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2 years although it's a little hard to say since I'm nearly always cycling. But 2 years being severely ill is my record. So glad it's over.

Do you fear the next episode?

Oh yes I fear my next episode the last one wasn't so pleasant, but trying not to think about it, just living in the moment lol

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

To snap my fingers and my house clean itself lol

Do you have any children diagnosed with a mental/behavioral health issue?

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no kiddies at all..

do you think bipolar stigma is still as bad as it was?. or is it getting better or worse

I don't think it is as bad as it was. I might be wrong. I feel as though it is getting better.

What do you find most helpful at PC?

I have a toddler, but he doesn't have any clinical issues.

I worry, though, that he will end up with bipolar. My husband has a long history of depression and alcoholism and substance abuse, and I have a long history of bipolar, and I feel like my son will be destined to have either substance abuse or mental illness issues, and since they both go together.... I try to hope for the best.

We're doing things already to help him, like teaching him the names of his emotions. He is VERY spirited. He has really big emotions, emotions too big for his little body, and we're trying to help him learn how to cope with them.

Do you feel like your therapist is magical like being able to read your mind and find these big insights?

No, I find that I have to do a lot of working things out for myself and then spend a lot of my sessions trying to communicate clearly this information. This might just be my style though. I have seen quite a lot of mental health practitioners in my life and I think that clarification is what I require the most.

Do you find that your ability to do certain tasks can fluctuate dramatically from day to day, or hour to hour etc. For example one day I find it easy to do a certain work task but then the next day it is unbearably difficult. It scares me because I never know what's coming.

Yes!
It's INFURIATING.

Who is the most positive influence in your life?

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My cousin Mike. He was my reality check when I was psychotic as a kid.

Do you like your pdoc?

I do. She is definetly not aggressive and takes med dosage changes slowly.

How many times have you cried in t office.

So many times it is hard to believe he worked with me on learning to cry when I first was seeing him.

Do you always sit in the same place in your therapists' office?

Always and at the doctor, though I nervously wander around his office also

Most embarrassing therapy moment?

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I felt the most embarrassed and ashamed ever in my therapist's office when I told him I pull out my hair compulsively. I have trichotillomania. I had so much shame about it that I didn't tell him until we'd been meeting for 2.5 years. I was so nervous that my shirt was literally stuck to the couch as I stood up after session.
(I'm not sure if that's the kind of embarrassing you meant.)
We've talked about it several times since then and have thereby reduced the intensity of the feeling to where I can say about two sentences every few sessions and only sweat a bit lol

What was the hardest thing you've told your therapist? Or one of them, if the hardest one is too hard to write here.

um

that my mother tried to burn down our house.

do you believe that when we die we'll go to a better place?

I believe in nothing!

Do you ever accidentally look at your providers genitals?

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Nope.
I'm a girl, and he's my parents' age. He's not physically attractive to me - not that he's ugly but just that he's not my type. His arms, though - sometimes I get a glimpse and I have to drag my eyes away and try to not blurt out, "You've been working out!"

Is your therapist really strict with boundaries?

He used to be but 10 years later he isn't. We left a traditional therapy relationship behind several years ago. This way works well for us at this point.

What do you wish was different in therapy?

I'd have to say nothing. I love my therapist. She is awesome. She totally 'gets me.'

Do you ever feel when your bipolar is in remission that maybe you are faking mental illness for attention?

Absolutely. I have episode amnesia. I instantly forget how bad things were when they are over.

Does bipolar run in your immediate family

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I am the only one in my family diagnosed, though there are relatives in my maternal side of the family that could have undiagnosed bipolar 2.

What do you do to calm down?

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The main thing I do is watch a TV show (sitcoms usually) that is easy and I've seen before. It makes me feel like I am 'home' somehow and that things are predictable.

What is a symptom that you experience that you believe to be caused by bipolar, but is not commonly talked about?

i can't think of anything that isn't discussed here in detail.

how much have you spent in 2016?

I'll answer the previous question:
my obsessiveness

I am hypervigilant and obsessive about tracking my moods. I have intense charts and thorough journals. Daily I rate several aspects of my bipolar on a number scale of my own making.

I believe this intense compulsion to track is based in my bipolar, though I've heard no one else talk about the same experience. Tracking is also a significant piece of how I frantically try to impose some order into the chaos my brain causes.

And I'll continue the recent question (since overspending isn't one of my symptoms):
How much have you spent in 2016?

I have no idea what I've spent. I don't do spending binges; I'm very anxious about money all the time and it just gets worse when I'm manic so I don't have trouble.

Do you have dental issues from medications?