[Nammu]

So the trip was a success? Did you have time to take in any sites, see local stuff?

Doing well! Slept well, hanging out in PJs with boyfriend and cats. So far, so good!

[Coconutzo]

This irritation in me is growing. I want to smash things, all the glittering glass and heavy substantial things. I want to scream. I want to drive my car into a tree. I want to fly away. I'm holding still. I feel paralyzed and defeated, but I'm reeling. My face is tingling.

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[jacky8807]

Trying to fight off depression tooth And nail. Blahhhhhhhhhh I feel so blah where nothing is enjoyable don't want to do anything but stare at the wall

[hopeless2015]

Almost had myself talked into staying home from work again but I'm up and showered and I'm going to go in. I need to and I'm going to

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[raspberrytorte]

Fuuuuuuck

[raspberrytorte]

I'M SO AGITATED RIGIHT NOW!

I feel like I'm stuck in a cage and am shaking the damn bars.

I have a floor AND a ceiling now.

I can't even get my damn writer's high.

I can't stand it.

IT'S AGITATING ME SO MUCH! IT'S GOOD THEY'RE GIVING ME THE STUPID SHOT BECAUSE I'D THROW THE HALDOL PILLS IN THE TRASH! I'D FLUSH THEM DOWN THE TOILET! I'D PUT THEM IN A ZIPLOC BAG AND LEAVE THEM AT THE POLICE STATION!

[Coconutzo]

Oh raspberry!
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad!

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[raspberrytorte]

Thanks, coco.

[raspberrytorte]

Trying to figure out how I ended up in this situation in the first place. I'm not that bad. How did I end up on this six month commitment thing?! Honestly, I'm not that bad! How did this happen? wqhous p8teosIreow8t83YSAPSDTAWEHIGEDOPTEGIOW

[Unrigged64072835]

Anxiety is high today. Tried to sleep it off but couldn't. Kids are making muffins for brunch. Hope they don't blow up the kitchen. My brother sent me a rare email yesterday so I answered him this morning. Apparently there was one final loose end from my dad's estate that was wrapped up. I mean he's been dead since 2011; it takes this long for a measly $250? Jeez....

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Trying to figure out how I ended up in this situation in the first place. I'm not that bad. How did I end up on this six month commitment thing?! Honestly, I'm not that bad! How did this happen? wqhous p8teosIreow8t83YSAPSDTAWEHIGEDOPTEGIOW

I'm sorry. Sometimes it feels like it happened without your permission or even without your presence. ((((Hugs)))))

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[p00dlez]

My son had to go out of state this weekend and we had to watch his dog for him. These dang poodles barked at him all day and night for the last TWO days. I haven't had more than half an hours sleep at a stretch for two days because of this. Thinking I am going to rehome the poodles. I have reached my limit and I cant keep this up. Maybe I am more of a cat person. After this no more dogs EVER. I am so tired.

[hopeless2015]

Just sat at my desk and balled for 30 minutes..wtf. stepped away to compose myself. I'm all over the place today

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[Victoria'smom]

Trigger warning

Talked to mom about car accident insurance stuff and now I'm suicidal. I can't do that to H. I'd leave him the insurance mess to pick up and myself. Why is a stupid car accident so life shattering to me? I just want this over. wth is wrong with me?

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

This irritation in me is growing. I want to smash things, all the glittering glass and heavy substantial things. I want to scream. I want to drive my car into a tree. I want to fly away. I'm holding still. I feel paralyzed and defeated, but I'm reeling. My face is tingling.

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call back that pdoc.
YOu can't keep going on like this.
I am so sorry that you are this unstable.
(((((HUGS)))))
Have some one take you to the er.
Do you have any family?
bizi

[OctobersBlackRose]

Took my first dose of Geodon waaayyy too early, took it around 4pm when I ate dinner, slept for about 5hrs, 5-10pm, now I'm wide awake again, f**k. I'm going to have to get some granola bars or something to eat when I take it, so I can take it later closer bedtime. My Lamictal is still on hold at the pharmacy, luckly I think I have enough to last me until I can actually get it. Well have DBT group from 12-2pm then therapy from 2-3pm today (about 10.5hrs before group), starting a new unit in DBT today, wonder what it's going to be...

And hugs to anyone the needs them.

Was up at 3AM building utility shelves. The Chinese have demonstrated the "expanded lethality" of their Liaoning aircraft carrier in the South China Sea with the surprise arrival of fifth-generation J-15 fighters, advanced warning aircraft and antisubmarine helicopters, and UK special forces have been photographed fighting on the Syrian front lines. We are at war with Libya. Akihito has hinted that he may abdicate the throne. A jar of pasta sauce costs $9. Hawaii's delicious combination of incompetence, corruption and irresponsibility result in a state health bureaucracy plagued by confusion and delays, no match for Hepatitis A and Zika outbreaks. An occupant of a room in a house up the street has purchased a surplus school bus that takes up three parking spaces which he parks on the steepest street in residential Oahu like it's an oversize minivan. More homeless appear in more neighborhoods on Oahu every day. The incompetent and corrupt state has turned a light rail project into a $1.5b boondoggle that won't even traverse the entire intended route on budget. The state's premier dealer in high-end Asian art is collapsing. The subsequent bankruptcy and liquidation will be a bonfire of the vanities.

Got to ride my new bike Rode for 3 hours! i feel soooo refreshed.

I'm also getting a hitch installed on my newish SUV so that I can have a bike rack on my car.

Overall, im very happy.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Was up at 3AM building utility shelves. The Chinese have demonstrated the "expanded lethality" of their Liaoning aircraft carrier in the South China Sea with the surprise arrival of fifth-generation J-15 fighters, advanced warning aircraft and antisubmarine helicopters, and UK special forces have been photographed fighting on the Syrian front lines. We are at war with Libya. Akihito has hinted that he may abdicate the throne. A jar of pasta sauce costs $9. Hawaii's delicious combination of incompetence, corruption and irresponsibility result in a state health bureaucracy plagued by confusion and delays, no match for Hepatitis A and Zika outbreaks. An occupant of a room in a house up the street has purchased a surplus school bus that takes up three parking spaces which he parks on the steepest street in residential Oahu like it's an oversize minivan. More homeless appear in more neighborhoods on Oahu every day. The incompetent and corrupt state has turned a light rail project into a $1.5b boondoggle that won't even traverse the entire intended route on budget. The state's premier dealer in high-end Asian art is collapsing. The subsequent bankruptcy and liquidation will be a bonfire of the vanities.

This is sounding a bit manic to me. When do you see your pdoc again?
bizi

back to hot weather here.

now expecting another 2 week heatwave (another one?)

ah well summer is almost over.. roll on september.

[Wander]

Saw my pdoc and T today. Both said I have taken on too much with university and work. They both suggested I drop a unit at university as I am putting myself at risk of triggering an episode due to stress. This is a big disappointment to me but I tend to agree with them. I have barely been coping, anxiety high, waking up panicked in the middle of the night and generally very overwhelmed. My resilience to stress right now is poor.

So I have to decide which unit to drop now. My pdoc is also concerned about my depressed mood so is putting me back on Prozac short term. In the past it has made me hypo but the other meds I'm on should keep me stable. Does concern me but I just want to not feel so low and empty most of the time. I want some life in me. Well here I go. Starting Prozac tomorrow.

[hopeless2015]

Managed to get myself to work at a decent time this morning and am getting some work done. Will see how this afternoon goes. That goodness I have fmla or I'd be fired for sure. Just wish I could get stable and stay there for awhile. Pdoc appt on Friday

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Originally Posted by bizi

This is sounding a bit manic to me. When do you see your pdoc again?
bizi

I saw him last week to get a letter to get out of jury duty. He asked me what to write, I suggested that I had been so compromised by 25 years' profound mental illness and psychopharmalogical treatment as to present a 'completely unviable' candidate for jury duty. We had a good laugh about that. He went to Harvard and Phillips Academy in Andover so we're from the same general area 5000 miles away (Southern New England; I'm from Connecticut) but he's very laid back and unpretentious considering his ultra-elite pedigrees. He's in his eighties, well past retirement age, and I don't look forward to finding a replacement when he finally hangs it up. I got the jury duty excuse approval in the mail yesterday. I see my pdoc again when I need scrips, or another excuse from jury duty. I'm not manic... you'll know it when I'm manic. Thanks for the armchair diagnosis, though.

[Victoria'smom]

Actually left the house today. Driving was scary. I don't plan on doing it again until next Monday. Maybe not even then.