Why can't I feel sad? My grandfather is on his deathbed

So... apparently my grandfather is on life support and we're deciding whether to pull the plug or not. For some reason, I don't feel sad! My depression has lifted, but I don't know if it's this damn mood stabilizer that's preventing me from feeling sad!

I love my grandfather and my grandmother a lot, but I just can't feel sad? We're letting my cousin Josué have the rights to make medical decisions for my grandfather because my grandmother, well, has dementia and she's not comfortable making a decision. We're also letting Josué sign the rights because my grandparents live in the Caribbean and Josué lives nearby. We don't live near them.

This all kinda happened within the last 48 hours. Since my grandfather hasn't eaten anything in about 24 hours, we're letting Josué decide to give him a feeding tube I guess. On top of that, we now have to figure out which nursing home to put my grandmother in and we have to figure out how to sell their house. My grandmother is going to be super upset.

Sorry about your grandfather.

My friend, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather and that you can be closer to him. It's so hard to lose a loved one.

@pirilin, JustJace2u:

Thanks, but it's irritating me that I can't feel sad! I mean, I don't want to feel sad, but at the same time, it's pretty abnormal not to feel sad! Stupid f***ing medication

Sorry to hear about your grandfather

We all handle grief differently. My never cried over the deaths of my father and grandparents, and I loved them dearly. It may be the antidepressant or the tears may hit you later.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

So sorry to hear about your grandfather

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

Yeah, maybe.

When my maternal grandmother had a stroke and almost died, I was 18 and I was crying. She's still alive, but IDK. Normally I get sad over things like this, and I'm 25, so the grandma thing wasn't too long ago. Me thinks it's the meds.

Thanks though.

I don't really know what to say, but I'm sorry for how you're feeling and saddened by the situation. :sadhugs:

I'm so sorry. I've had meds do that to me before and it is so frustrating. I've never found a solution except a lower dose and that's not always an option.

Since it all happened so fast, I bet you're in shock.

Maybe, but he's had pretty serious health issues for the past year. He has some autoimmune disease that causes his whole body to blister. I don't know what t is. He lost like 60 lbs because of it and partially because of incontinence (he doesn't feel like eating).

It's been an ongoing things. His health has been failing, so I'm not exactly shocked by it. He never took care of himself, and then things got worse for him when my grandma developed dimentia and couldn't take care of him that well anymore. He no longer received round the clock care, and then he refused to let doctors see him because he's stubborn

Yeah, I think it's the meds. It's a shame that meds take away emotion. It doesn't seem healthy, but what can you do. I wish I could change my doses

Sorry to hear

Anyways, some people go numb as first reaction when going through bad thing... or as it has been pointed out it might be the meds muddling your normal reactions.

Hi blue,

I am sorry I am just seeing this. I have missed several threads today for some reason.

You sound frustrated.

My grandmother passed earlier this year. I am also normally quite emotional. However, I was able to sit with her in respite and talk with her about everything, including her fear of death and more, without crying. Even when she had passed, I did not cry. I have cried much since, however.

Sometimes, I think we have a lot going on, on various levels. On a deeper level, our consciousness may know what we can tolerate at any time and in any given moment. I was exhausted when she had passed. I had a lot else going on in my life, additional demands I knew I had to get through. I did not "let down" with emotions until a couple of months later, when I had also gotten through the other demands.

I have also had times when emotions feel dulled by meds. It's very frustrating when this happens and there seems no way to override it.

In any case, you are you and you are doing your best.
Maybe it's just fine to allow yourself to just Be, as you are.
In time, you may be able to express some additional emotion in relationship to this loss?

(((((((((( bluebicycle and family ))))))))))))

It's very sweet, and conscientious, of you to be concerned.
You are a very open-hearted and kind person.

Healing Hugs,
WC

Sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing.

And yes, it is indeed frustrating when meds blunt our emotions. Maybe I will be like you and eventually feel sadness. I kind of hope so. I mean, not that I want to feel sad, but like I said, it doesn't feel right when you don't feel sorrow.

Thank you for your kind words

_____________

As an update:
My grandfather knows he is going to pass soon, but he doesn't want us to visit him. (He doesn't want us to see him dying.) My grandmother has now expressed her wishes to live with us. She wants to bring her 2 dogs with her because that's all she will have left. She also suffers from dementia, so the dogs really help her feel better.

We don't have any pets around the house because... ermm... my parents don't really want pets, but I love dogs anyways, so I don't have a problem with them. But, my parents aren't going to say no to her dogs. They're letting her have her wishes (which is good).

So, my grandmother is probably going to move in with us soon, along with her two dogs. Hopefully they will console her.

Continued hugs and prayers.

Thanks.

I wonder if the funeral/burial would trigger a mixed state or mania? That wouldn't be so good... I mean, that's assuming I can even feel sad or feel anything

Also, my grandmother is "talking" to her mother about his impending death. She thinks her mother is alive, and she actually "sees" her. The dimentia is pretty bad

Hi Blue,

You have been on my heart.

Your family, too.

It's possible your current feelings of numbness are also, even partially, self-protective. It may be you are trying to protect yourself from a mixed episode, as you've mentioned.

Hypomania and mania can also be defenses to depression. If we wish to avoid hypomania or mania, or any major shifts, we may try to avoid depression or emotions we may then "defend" against? You may be trying to maintain stability throughout all that's going on and yet to come?

I wrote in another thread about this and thought of you.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...ml#post5159578

Lots going on for you and for the people you love dearly.

Be super gentle with yourself.

May you feel Love and support at all times.

We are here for you.

In Support of You,
WC

Yikes. I hope I don't have hypo/mania. I want to remain stable through all this. I mean, I'm stable right now because I feel absolutely 0 sadness and I'm not hypo/manic, but who knows when he actually passes.

Thank you for linking me to your post. It is very insightful.

I'm very sorry about your grandfather. Sometimes it's hard to feel while everything is happening, and then it hits you later. I'm wishing you and your whole family some peace during this difficult time. (((Hugs)))