[RomanJames2014]

There I labeled what is wrong with me.

I am addicted to my manic episodes. It is like a drug to me to feel on top of the world and to be able to do anything and be a free bird. I do my best school work and my best carrer work when I am manic. I meet people and make friends and I dress well and everything is just so much better. When I start to feel euphoric, I feel like I have taken every good drug in the world and there is nothing that can bring me down.

The problem is I hate depression and my lithium makes me not depressed, but too leveled out. The depression affects my life much worse than the mania. I feel awful and I cry, and I become agoraphobic, and I cant concentrate on anything.

Has anyone else experienced this? Addiction to wanting to be manic to the point that there is medication compliance issues and rebellion? I always have this image of an intervention trying to stop me and then I just run away.

Personally, I think most bipolar people are addicted to mania whether they want to admit to it or not

A lot of people who abuse street drugs experience drug-induced euphoria. That feeling is very addictive for them... which is partly why they continue to use drugs. So, it makes a lot of sense that bipolar people would be addicted to euphoria as well. I think it's basic human nature

[Coconutzo]

This is me one hundred million gajillion percent! Thank you for putting it so eloquently. This is why I can't take lithium. I can't take anything that makes me too level. I know some people probably think it's awful, but I can't have a life that is just average. I like my euphoria and my superpowers. Meds that don't let me soar once in a while are soul crushing. My lithium experience consisted of me quitting constantly to,fingers crossed, get manic. [resulting mania is never satisfying and generally ruins my life] or getting depressed and taking too many. Now I lean heavily on depression targeting meds and roll the dice with mania. I like it better though it doesn't save the destruction in my life. What the hey? While we are admitting things, Im more comfortable in and often prefer chaos.
So much mess. I feel you. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I'm not alone.

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[wildflowerchild25]

I totally agree! I didn't experience euphoric mania until I was 25 but when I did I couldn't get enough! I LOVE the energy, the socialbility, the creativity, the motivation...at my baseline I am happy but very low energy and low motivation. I love mania. I would manipulate meds to make me manic, like take an AD with no stabilizer.

But alas, it comes at too high a cost. My last major manic episode (two years ago) ended with me believing people could read my mind and had me a crying terrified mess. Since then I've remained med compliant because I never want to go through that again. And yeah, sometimes I miss it, but I do enjoy being stable. I can't say I'll never go off my meds again but I won't for the foreseeable future.

I enjoy my beautiful, euphoric hypomanias but they are too destructive financially. And embarrassing!

[Nammu]

Yup. It's why it took me so many years to keep a sleep routine.

[pirilin]

Nothing like being manic. Nothing. Specially with money or plastic.

[Bipolarchic14]

I love my hypomanic episodes to until I don't

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

I love my hypomanic episodes to until I don't

Same. It feels great at first....until things unravel. I used to purposely not take my PM meds until way late so that I can stay up doing pointless things that at the time feel so important (during hypomania). Although I admit that I feel a little bored without hypo/mania, I try to accept that it's much healthier to feel moments of boredom rather than that top-of-the-world feeling that leads to a crash. Mania/hypomania can be the most addictive feeling ever, but getting used to what it means to be basically "stable" is a goal for me since I'm so tired of having to deal with all the consequences.