Do you like being stable?

I enjoy being stable. It allows me in a stressful situation to take care of my mother and daughter.

Tucson

I see no redeeming aspect of being unstable. I don't really experience euphoric mania, mainly just mixed. There's a certain level of psychosis that I regularly experience outside of mood states, but I find comfort in this and can still be stable overall.

It depends. If I've been horribly depressed and then finally reach stability, it feels like I can finally breathe again. But if I've been hypo and then I slow down and reach stability, it SUCKS. In general, "stable" for me means being functionally depressed (aka I am miserable but still able to get out of bed, go to work, etc.) which obviously I don't enjoy.

Yes, I like being stable. But for the past 1-2 months, I am NOT stable at all. And there is no reason for it, other than being bipolar ultra rapid cycling. I have a very good life!!!! Nothing wrong with my life! But It's like starting over. I've been mostly stable for 20 years. When stable, my relationships are better; my life as a whole is better; as a musician, my playing is much better. I don't speed up and have evolved into a pretty darn good musician with lots of music friends that I play music with 2-3 times every week; my handwriting, although not beautiful, at least does not race up the page at about a 30 degree angle. It's level. I draw, too, and my work is more reasonable, in that I don't rush. I used to do good work for about 2/3 of a drawing, then rush to complete it. And of course, it showed in the drawing, and really messed it up. When I'm stable, I stop when I feel rushy and postpone working on a drawing till the next day or so. I don't collapse and have to cancel commitments as much, when I am stable. But lamictal made me off balance, and I fell off a ramp and landed on my back on the sidewalk. So I quit Lamictal. I'm titrating up lithium now. I'm feeling thwarted, angry, occasionally rageful, filled with hatred for people in my past, hyper critical of other people I don't even know, overwhelmed, antsy, zingy, out of control, extremely irritable, and on and on and on. I have hyperacusis, meaning sounds are way too loud. The noises and frenetic activity outside in the city where I live drive me batty. I feel much better inside my very silent apartment, or visiting a friend who has a nice quiet place. My pdoc told me today "You are 74 years old. We have to titrate the Li up very slowly, because it would be dangerous to go too fast." Lamictal was one of the best things that happened to me, till it made me fall down. I was off balance all the time with it, even fearing to fall in my own apartment.

Thanks for that flowerbells. I'm sorry it's bad right now, but saying you've had 20 years of stability, that's awesome and makes me hopeful.

Well I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. I'm become very irritatable the last couple of days from the lack of good sleep.

Thanks so great that you feel hopeful, Nammu! I'm glad you post gave you some positives to look forward to! My new pdoc is an interesting guy. He tries to be warm and fuzzy, but he's not really. However, I do get the impression that he's brilliant, and very good at analyzing a situation, and being reasonable and rational. Maybe he's a better scientist than my other previous pdocs were. He's definitely a nice guy. A few visits ago, I noticed a drawing on his office wall of a wolf. He said one of his pts gave it to him. So I told him at that time that I would give him a wolf calendar I have from Defenders of Wildlife. Today I gave it to him. I could see he was very emotional about the gift. It means a great deal to him. I think he can sense I'm somewhat uncomfortable around him, and he said he likes me, likes working with me, and wants the very best for me. Nammu, I see you are a crone? Years ago, I was invited to a croning ceremony of a friend. I was so moved by the beautiful ceremony I wanted to have one for myself. Due to circumstances, I actually had two croning ceremonies. Odd - the minister for the first one became very ill and didn't get to conduct my ceremony That was a winter ceremony. It was at my apartment, and I had a sort of ceremony then anyway. She recovered in a few months, and conducted a springtime croning ceremony for me.

Sounds so familiar!!!!! I am so fascinated by all sorts of stuff, that I keep putting off going to bed. Then when I finally do lie down, it's flights of ideas. And sometimes they get up up on the computer looking for information. It's hot tonight, too, and even though I have an air conditioner, it's hot in my apt. I need a shower 'cause I am sweating. I already had one shower today.

I love being stable. It gives me clarity. Along with the mania, I was also a drunk so that was a poor combination. Stability allows me to see things from a different and calmer perspective and it gives me the vision to try new things without being a sarcastic d/b about the world.

I grew tired of being an asshole. I'm worn out and I've worn out plenty of welcomes. I'm building toward some inner peace and comfort with myself that I never really had in my entire life.

I do, actually. I don't like that my writing has taken a hit... but it's OK. I work as peer counselor (to unstable people with mental illness, in a lock down facility) and as a result, there's more than enough drama in my life. I'm happy to finally be able to managed my money, my time, etc. I'm happy to finally be on the right doses of the right meds, and to be able to sleep regularly. I still have some iffy moments, but I'm frequently cited as one of the most stable people those around me know. Especially at work. I certainly don't miss depression... at times I used to miss the highs of mania, but the massive crash of consequences that comes with it just makes it not worth it.

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Stability is my goal.
I enjoy stability very much.


WC