[raspberrytorte]

So...

As many of you know my new pdoc is taking me off of gabapentin because, and I quote, "That's meant for pain and not anxiety!".

Since I don't want to go off of it I was thinking about getting a medical doctor to prescribe it for me. I don't currently have a GP so I'd have to find one, but that shouldn't be a problem. On my first appointment with this person I'm planning on telling he/she that I take gabapentin and need a prescription for it. I was even thinking about telling this person that I take it for pain, since I'm worried I'm going to get another, "That's for pain and not for anxiety!" doctor.

Does this seem like a good idea?

I told my husband about it and he said, and I quote, "That's drug seeking!".

Well... yeah.

But I doubt this person is going to think I'm a gabapentin abuser or something. Who abuses gabapentin? It's not like it's alprazolam or something.

(I do abuse the **** out of gabapentin by the way. This person doesn't need to know that though.)

[raspberrytorte]

And no, my current pdoc doesn't know I abuse gabapentin. She's taking me off of it because, and I quote again, "That's meant for pain and not anxiety!"

(Despite the fact that the last two pdocs I had prescribed it for anxiety.)

[piano97]

How do you mean that you abuse it?

What is your dosage schedule?

It is used for mood stabilization by some, not at all by others.

Be honest with the provider.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by piano97

How do you mean that you abuse it?

What is your dosage schedule?

It is used for mood stabilization by some, not at all by others.

Be honest with the provider.

I was on 600mg four times a day. My current pdoc reduced my dose to 600mg three times a day. Which I'm actually going to call about and ask if we can reduce it by 300mg instead because I'm really feeling that reduction.

I can't right now, because my mom is holding my meds, but I used to take my morning dose as usual and then at night take four to six capsules at once.

My problem is going to be, what is most likely going to end up, gabapentin withdrawal nightmare, and then dealing with my anxiety with only propranolol to help me afterwards.

And I'm freaked out I'm going to have a clonazepam withdrawal continuation since I was put on gabapentin at the tail end of clonazepam withdrawal and it helped me so much and totally stopped it.

[piano97]

This is serious. What other things do you do for anxiety?

Can you integrate 5 minutes of breathing 5 times a day, and walk for 10 minutes 3 times a day?

These things will help you. I promise. Please do them today and let me know how it goes.

Turn the worry off. Package it up in a box and put it in the closet.

[jpb4815]

I don't know if that is a good Idea Raspberry, you are trying to make things right so that you can get back to your family. Your husbands initial reaction sais it all I think, hard as it is to hear and I am going through the same #### he will see this as little or no progress. We are in similar situations, we both have "rules" that we have to abide by if we want to get our families back in order. The thing that sucks is that they hold the power, or at least the power of their perception. My case is a bit different because I am using the time to decide if I want to continue the relationship with my wife as much as she is using her time to try to figure out her crap. You want you family back, and that means playing by the rules set forth.

Going off of any anti anxiety treatment is hard, but eventually we all need to taper down, exercise meditation, CBT skills are all good ways to deal with anxiety. That's not to say that there is not a good med out there to help you with your natural remedies, any PDoc worth a S### will know that and help you with this transition.

I know that this is probably not what you want to hear, but I have come to consider you a friend. Your advise has helped me over the last few weeks. Clonazepam withdrawal is no joke, it took me almost a year to get down to 1/4mg. then I screwed it all up with my last episode and am back up to 3mg. but we can do this, I start my taper again next week. Anxiety can be handled we are all here to help you manage it healthily. And yeah your not alone, I abuse my meds too. I should have somebody administer them for me.

[BastetsMuse]

You already know that this isn't a good idea. Either find a pdoc who will prescribe gabapentin as part of your cocktail or let this go.

And knowing you are abusing the drug is something else you ought to take up with your pdoc. You know better, or you wouldn't be asking us.

Besides, your pdoc might prescribe something better for your anxiety than gabapentin. You won't know if you don't try.

[Wild Coyote]

Are you taking your treatment, your illness, your probationary time and your desire to reunite with your family seriously?

It appears you spend a lot of time and energy trying to find ways to deceive those involved in your care and the people in your life.

I'm concerned you are going to permanently burn bridges with people who do care and with those who love you. That would be seriously tragic, Raspberry. That would be so very sad for everyone. What would you do then? (rhetorical)

Now is the time to make choices which optimize all of your relationships -- mutual honesty, respect/sincerity, trustworthiness and more -- with care providers, with your husband and daughter, with family and friends.

We all care and want to see you get your life back on track.



WC

This is a terrible idea. You really need to get serious about working honestly with your treatment instead of against it if you are resolved to save your marriage and your relationship with your daughter. What you have been doing has clearly not worked well for you and your life. This would just be more of the same for you.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Gabapentin is prescribed for neuropathic pain and you aren't going to be able to fake that.

I think it is also time to just do what the doctors say, no matter how much you disagree. Trying to do it your way hasn't been working so well for you lately. Asking to slow the taper is a good idea, finding a different pdoc who will prescribe the gabapentin is a good idea. Not abusing it is really important. Things are never going to straighten out until you are working with your treatment providers, not against them.

[jpb4815]

We all care about you and wish you success in the path that you are walking, and I hope that you can absorb this and take the appropriate steps to get your life back on the track that you want it on. We all are rooting for you!!!!

[p00dlez]

raspberry,

Please don't get mad at me but you really should start thinking about coming off of that med. Meds can be helpful but they also can really mess you up good too.

I just went though a nightmarish experience that landed me in the hospital over a simple diabetes medication. Who knows what that stuff your on could be doing to your body. I wish I could come off all the meds I am on but I know that's not possible. But for my health I wish I could.

Also like others said please think of your future and find it within yourself to do the right thing. You know your abusing that med and that's really not a good thing.

Its always best with medications to take the very least you can get away with. The less amount of pills or the smallest dose that controls your symptoms or whatever physical condition you have. Pretty much all meds come with side effects, some of which you might not even know about until years down the road. Just be safe.

Hugs

[jacky8807]

I know what terrible. Anxiety feels like. It's hell and I feel for you
But the goal (I think? ) is to get back with your family. I would try doing everything you can to get there

Wishing you the best!!!!

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

I agree with everyone's responses. The most important thing right now is to be reunited with your husband and daughter, not Gabapentin.. If your husband doesn't like the idea then that should tell you something too. You were abusing it and Propananol just a few weeks ago and had to wake up your sister to take you to the hospital. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think right now you can be trusted with your meds. I think about you quite often and have told my DH your story. I feel for you, but now you have to use your powers for good. Hugs.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks everyone for your honest responses.

This woman is going to **** me up.

I don't trust these people. Especially not since the clonazepam "taper" nightmare.

But you guys are right. Doing things my way hasn't been working for me.

I don't think doing what this pdoc wants is going to work for me either. But at least if I do it the pdocs way I'll be able to rejoin my family.

I guess I'll just deal with it. If I can survive clonazepam withdrawal I'll be able to survive gabapentin withdrawal.

I've been dealing with anxiety since I was a little girl. I can just deal with it some more. It's always better to just deal with it I guess then to be on something that helps. No one takes anxiety seriously. I'd rather have completely out of control bipolar then have constant anxiety.

It's going to be fantastic to have constant anxiety AND somewhat out of control bipolar symptoms.

Here's my whiny moment: Why is this happening to me?! I never thought I'd get a doctor who wouldn't prescribe me ****ing gabapentin. I wish I never would have been put on it. If I had never been put on it I'd be completely over clonazepam right now and wouldn't be dealing with this again. I'm so freaked out I just spent fifteen minutes crying in my ****ing closet. I know. Boo ****ing hoo. Get over it. Just deal with it.

I'm not abusing it right now. I can't. My mom watches me dispense my meds like a hawk. It's actually sort of annoying.

My pdoc is the one who gave me the idea of asking a GP for it. She said, and I quote again, "Can't you get an MD to prescribe it for you?". She said that. Not making it up.

[raspberrytorte]

I hate my ****ing pdoc. Honestly. I don't know how I get stuck with these people.

[hopeless2015]

Are they not giving you anything for the anxiety

[raspberrytorte]

Just propranolol.

I'm so sorry raspberry. Just recently I tried decreasing my Topamax on my own. Bad idea. My anxiety shot through the roof. And it's not even prescribed for that! It was the withdrawal. I'm so sorry you're are in this position. I feel you should be on your old dose but no abusing it. That's not gonna help you get to where you want. Can you get a different pdoc?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Are you able to get to a teaching hospital? That has made a huge difference for me because they are used to getting people who have unusual problems. I went to that hospital when my pdoc left private practice and went there so I've not had a lot of contact with other doctors there unless i was IP but when I have they've always been ready to be creative and find things that work. They also tend to be more up to date on the latest and greatest ideas. Even IP they've been very willing to listen, to consult my pdoc, and to be creative with solutions for me. I have a long trip to get there but it is 100% worth it. You still have to be willing to work with them and do as they say but it seems like the quality of care is greater than I've seen elsewhere (excluding my current pdoc when she was in private practice. Just to show how educated these teaching hospital drs are, she's a pharmacist and a pdoc so she knows everything about meds. I've been so hard to treat that both have frequently come into play. She also always has time for me, 60-75 minutes minimum, 2.5 hours the longest I've ever seen her, every month). It really helps.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Are you able to get to a teaching hospital? That has made a huge difference for me because they are used to getting people who have unusual problems. I went to that hospital when my pdoc left private practice and went there so I've not had a lot of contact with other doctors there unless i was IP but when I have they've always been ready to be creative and find things that work. They also tend to be more up to date on the latest and greatest ideas. Even IP they've been very willing to listen, to consult my pdoc, and to be creative with solutions for me. I have a long trip to get there but it is 100% worth it. You still have to be willing to work with them and do as they say but it seems like the quality of care is greater than I've seen elsewhere (excluding my current pdoc when she was in private practice. Just to show how educated these teaching hospital drs are, she's a pharmacist and a pdoc so she knows everything about meds. I've been so hard to treat that both have frequently come into play. She also always has time for me, 60-75 minutes minimum, 2.5 hours the longest I've ever seen her, every month). It really helps.

Wow! That baffles me. I get 15 minutes with my psych nurse.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Wow! That baffles me. I get 15 minutes with my psych nurse.

Why do you see a psych nurse and not a psychiatrist? Just curious.

Originally Posted by bioChE

Why do you see a psych nurse and not a psychiatrist? Just curious.

That's just what I get. But I like her a lot. I had a psychiatrist as my last psych Dr and he wouldn't lower my zyprexa and try something new. This new psych nurse has lowered my zyprexa and I've lost 32 lbs. I'm just on a really high dose of trazadone for sleep now. He wouldn't try that. He was too set in his ways.

Sorry raspberry for hijacking your thread.

[raspberrytorte]

That's okay, rose.

[boogiesmash]

I hope everything works out ras. Just keep your family in mind. And your cats.