I was a twisted kid. What were you like as a child? *triggers*

I remember being 4 years old and being depressed. I looked out the window wishing I was like other kids. BP started in my teens.

I was quiet and shy. Chubby with glasses led to bullying and not many friends in my Catholic school full of rich people's kids (wasn't one of them). Was the middle child, middle cousin, middle everything and took the crap that comes with it. Started getting blackout drunk at 16... but from a very loving, supportive household, just not enough openess to share what i was dealing with

I was a very scared child. My father died when I was 4 and my mom still had 5 kids to raise. My mom attempted suicide like 7 times. I was between the ages of 4-9 when that happened. I've blocked out a lot of my childhood. But I was bullied pretty bad in school. I was just very scared all the time.

I used to try to break bones too. Funny enough when I did break one I had too high of a pain tolerance to know and kept right on running on it, resulting in having major surgery 20 years later. I got the attention finally but didn't so much want it at 38.

I think I was trying to punish myself. I used to do all kinds of things to punish myself for being "bad" in ways I wasn't really.

I know that any type of abuse or trauma as a child can contribute to mental illness (especially those who are already predisposed to MI due to genetic factors) throughout their lives. I have been sexually, physically, emotionally and verbally abused as a child and adolescent. I believe MI has to have an enviromental factor of trauma or abuse to activate a genetic predisposition to MI. I apologize if my post is too specific in detail but I'm only being honest. I also believe that even if you have been through extreme trauma or abuse you can choose who you become to be. I chose to be a person who advocates for those who cannot advocate for themselves. I chose not to judge but to understand. I chose to love people instead of hating them because of what I have been through. You have a choice and it's very simple, love, understand and be free of judgement or hate and be judgemental. Anyway you choose is your choice. Much love and peace.

These stories are similar. I wonder if a lot of us could have been diagnosed earlier? I know I could.

When I learned to read I insisted on reading newspapers and not "stupid kids things".

In about 4th grade i found a book about Hiroshima and read it. Then I hoped that we would learn about nuclear weapons in physics (when I discovered, it is not part the curriculum, I forsaken the subject and later on went study International relations, where we learned a lot about nuclear weapons. My inner child was satisfied!)

I was weird in other ways. Introverted and bit dark (which is apparently a sin, because children are supposed to be giggly and be friends with everybody of their age, even if they are stupid and boring and being alone is much more... fullfilling).

I had many phases and stages. I could be apprehensive or adventurous depending on what was happening in my life at that stage. I was a Tom boy....enjoyed climbing trees and playing in the mud, dirt, grass. I was a good and loyal friend. Even though I was a Tom boy, I liked me a fancy dress....Victorian and Lacey with ribbons and bows. Enjoyed learning, inquisitive, shy, strong, scared, liked to sing and dance.

A lot of the time I was a happy child, adventurous, friendly, curious and playful. A bit of a tom-boy too as I liked to play with boys, cars and sports. My family nicknamed me 'smiley' as I always had a smile on my face. At least, in front of them.

On the other side by age 9 I became obsessed with death and suicide, self-harmed often and had other twisted thoughts. By the time I was a teenager I experienced severe depressions and had a wild, self-destructive streak. I had my funeral planned down to the finest detail and obsessed over literature, film and music that expressed how I felt. At times I would be outgoing and upbeat then I would swing into a very dark place. No one knew what to do with me and I hid the worst of it from my parents to protect them.

Much of this can be explained by the severe trauma I suffered for years from a young age but my first manic episode occurred at age 22 so maybe bipolar was at play too.

Yes I was very morbid. At a young age I questioned religion. I admit I never followed a religion because even from a young age, I didn't believe in these stories in the Bible. I would ask my mom questions about it. Then when my mom died I lost all faith. I became angry and harmful to myself. I would write my mom letters and leave them on my night stand incase her ghost, or angel came to visit.