I was a twisted kid. What were you like as a child? triggers

ComfortablyNumb5 · Oct 01, 2016, 10:38 PM

What were you like as a child and do you think your childhood is connected to your MI?

Well my story... (maybe triggers)
There's a few threads about childhood stories that are really making me think. Like I may even bring this up with my T. Well when I was a kid I was uhm "not normal". I was twisted. I was obsessed with sex and death at a age that kids shouldn't even know about these things. I wouldn't watch cartoons, I would watch health channels for the surgeries. At night I would flip on the porn channel and try and see some boob between the lines and blur lol. If I wasn't doing that I was watching true crime stuff just to see a dead body. Like those ones on really late at night where they really show them. I would sneak out of my bed to watch death and porn on tv. Maybe not so funny. I was probably only 6. I would put on my moms bras and stuff them and walk around. Then after my mother passed, my father moved his pregnant gf into my moms home with us. That's when I started scratching my body up. I'd claw my face and arms and teachers were always pulling me aside. I was put in counseling at school. At a parent teacher conference, the counselor came in and almost physically attacked my dad for putting us kids through hell. I was a angry angry child after my mom passed. Or should I say, my dad moved his gf in.

Now I wonder... am I so messed up because of my childhood or would I of ended up here anyway? Who effing knows. I'm going to ask my T.

Am I the only one who was twisted at a young age???!!

raspberrytorte · Oct 01, 2016, 10:51 PM

I wasn't really twisted. I mean, my sister and I used to do really mean things to our barbies. lol! Mostly I was just quiet and so anxious all of the time I would get stomach aches. One of my teachers in elementary school was convinced my parents were abusing me and had to have a conference with my parents, who weren't abusing me. I was just quiet and sick with anxiety for no reason all of the time.

ComfortablyNumb5 · Oct 01, 2016, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I wasn't really twisted. I mean, my sister and I used to do really mean things to our barbies. lol! Mostly I was just quiet and so anxious all of the time I would get stomach aches. One of my teachers in elementary school was convinced my parents were abusing me and had to have a conference with my parents, who weren't abusing me. I was just quiet and sick with anxiety for no reason all of the time.

Omg I had the same issue with my stomach growing up. When I'd get upset I'd have to use the bathroom NOW lol. My parents would have to pull the car over, I'd walk out of class etc. I'm almost 30 and sometimes I still get like this when I'm anxious. If I'm in a car and in traffic... better have my klonopin in my purse... or Imodium lol. And yea, I've done some bad things to barbies lol

GennyM · Oct 01, 2016, 11:47 PM

I was a weird kid too for sure! As a young kid, I was always writing and revising my will. I wrote out wills like some kids wrote to Santa. I also remember being obsessed with macobre and tragic things. I'm not really sure if it has to do with the way I grew up or my inherent personality or a mixture of both.

Hobbit House · Oct 01, 2016, 11:51 PM

I had lots of issues as a kid. Seriously, I was so screwed up I didn't know what normal was. I grew up in a Catholic orphanage, was sexually and physically abused. On top of all that I was diagnosed ADHD but was never treated for it. I was also painfully shy. Sooooo yea some issues.

AHeartOfRuby · Oct 01, 2016, 11:52 PM

I always remember the negative things about my childhood so here I go: Im physically disabled so throughout my school career I was bullied and harassed. My parents were divorced and my dad had dated this woman for seven years her son physically and emotionally abused me while my sister helped him. My mom has gotten married two more times and we went through this stage of poverty where we'd have to hide from the eviction companies until she met my most recent step dad. During this process I had five surgeries. My mom and step dad have been together for seven years his kids would emotionally abuse me as well. I think I've always had a phobia of insects and have been scitsophronic I used to think that I was being hunted down and would be killed in my sleep everytime I closed my eyes *wtf I just saw my demon from the past omg did I tell you about her?! Shaking I haven't seen her in years!* everyone thought I was the happy go lucky kid but really I'm just a broken soul.

SvanThor · Oct 02, 2016, 12:04 AM

When I was a kid, that's when the stuff happened that made me the way I am today. Before all of it happened, I already had depression due to chemical imbalances in my brain and was taking meds for that. I was generally a quiet child but I laughed a lot and enjoyed making others laugh as well.

Oct 02, 2016, 12:54 AM

I was depressed and possibly bipolar. I wrote morbid poetry and read a lot. I was into metaphysical things and always interested in death and dying. I had an interest in serial killers and the macabre.

I have always been a bit of a loner, yet very extroverted. I am strange.

RomanJames2014 · Oct 02, 2016, 01:00 AM

I was totally twisted in the same way... still am. I laugh out loud and horrible things. I feel as if it's my way of coping but I'm the same way.

Oct 02, 2016, 06:12 AM

I was lonely and unloved.

i was unfortunate enough to be born to a family who didn't give a ****, and that was difficult

Possible trigger:

the worst part of my childhood came when my family tried to burn down our house, twice.

once i had to stay at my grandparents, and once had to be looked after by a friend

point was though, they never loved me (no one really did)

I had toys- I had some marbles, a talking robot thingy, and a mcdonalds playset (so used to pretend to have tea parties with myself)

I liked exploring new things and trying to work stuff out, and I liked some of the shows at the time- but very lonely

my mental health journey started even before I started attending senior school (high school), and I ultimately didn't make it through- a mixture of hospital and instibility ultimately led to the school saying I could never catch up, and I was too difficult to deal with

so they decided to just stop my education.

and the rest gets worse from their

gayleggg · Oct 02, 2016, 07:04 AM

I was the good kid. Stayed out of trouble and did what I was told. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I started to have problems with depression and manic moods.

Unrigged64072835 · Oct 02, 2016, 07:30 AM

I was never normal. Shy and socially awkward, also dirt poor. Parents didn't teach me much about manners because they were too busy fighting. Was bullied all through school and looked down upon as strange and weird. Had an older brother who was also weird and I got most of his teachers so that didn't help. I think I showed bipolar in my teens but was never diagnosed. I was diagnosed with depression my senior year, but since the doctor laughed about me before coming in I didn't pay any attention. I've talked a lot about my childhood in therapy and it helped getting over some of the physical and emotional abuse my parents caused. I'm still shy and reclusive today, though.

scatterbrained04 · Oct 02, 2016, 08:48 AM

I was a pretty normal kid up until age 13/14 when BP symptoms appeared starting with depression.

I was kind of a tomboy and liked sports a lot. I play multiple sports. I also really like school. It came pretty easy for me. Even back then I enjoyed books and writing. In 5th grade, I volunteered in my school's library during recess shelving books and stuff. Never really got in that much trouble in school. My parents never had to tell me to do my homework either. I was both a nerd and a tomboy, so nobody messed with me because they knew I could kick their ***. I always had friends as a kid.

JustJace2u · Oct 02, 2016, 09:36 AM

I was the shy and quiet one who was always in the corner by herself.

mindwrench · Oct 02, 2016, 12:55 PM

I have not thought about that in awhile, until reading this thread. My childhood was pretty rough but i'll just talk about "my" contribution to the chaos. I've never told a T about any of this. And my parents never reported any of it for fear I would talk about things they were doing, or had done. By some accounts I was shy and reserved, because I could be when I wanted, but I could also let my hell raiser side out too.

Possible trigger:

From as early as I can remember I knew about sex, and not just old fashioned sex. I was in my first orgy around age 6 or 7 I think, with other kids similar in age to mine. I had friends who also always knew about sex and adult things, and we often sought privacy to engage in extra curricular activities. My mother was an alcoholic and we had a bar in the basement fully stocked. She taught me how to make frozen mixed drinks, and allowed me to drink them under supervision when I was still pretty young. I always made extra ice in the blender and stashed it in the freezer, as running the blender always drew attention and I wanted to drink at times when nobody knew about. I even replaced about a third of her peach tree schnapps and rum with water, so I could have my own stash in my treehouse. I often was hung over at school, and once burped real big and the teacher smelled my breathe and oh crap was I in trouble. My childhood drinking came to an end when my mother went into treatment for it, I was 11 I think. I stashed as much of her supply as I could, but it ran out. I had firearms as a young child, and often practiced shooting them. I once took a shot at a friends mom across the street, she was running so I missed thankfully but the police came and I thought I would have to go to a boys home but didn't. There were holes in my walls and ceiling where I had fired guns in my bedroom when nobody was home. When I was 13 I shot my dad, but it just grazed his head and took his ball cap off, I was a good shot but he was closing fast and I didn't get long to aim. Up till I was 10, I behaved at school but then I started raising holy hell in the classrooms, and spent time in detention, and in the police station across the steet from the school. They actually put you in a jail cell back then until 4:00pm if the school couldn't handle you. The school pulled me out of all classes to undergo psychological testing when I was in sixth grade. (Damn I'd like to know the results of that). I skipped classes, and skipped school days a lot. I often snagged the car keys and snuck out at night from the age of 12, ran from the cops and skinned up the car on a barbwire fence. But I thought I was a pretty good kid overall, I probably forgot a few things. SRS had me going to therapy weekly for several years as a child, but I toyed with the T's and never cooperated back then

wildflowerchild25 · Oct 02, 2016, 03:12 PM

I wasn't twisted as a kid but I was kinda ****ed up. My mom suffered from depression so she stayed upstairs 90% of the Time. My dad was a brittle diabetic and was in the hospital oft n. I was super shy and anxious and didn't fit in well at school. All this gave me a huge desire for attention. I did anything I could think of to get attention. Most of it centered around medical stuff. I spent a lot of time trying to hurt myself, specifically break a bone. I would jump out of my tree, do dangerous jumps on my rollerblades, I even tried to let the heavy garage door fall on my arm to break it. Thankfully I never did break a bone. I used to wish for cancer or appendicitis or anything that would get me put in the hospital. I also suffered from extreme anxiety. I was terrified of bridges because I thought the bridge would collapse. I was also terrified of thunderstorms after we read a story about tornadoes in class. After my dad died the anxiety was crippling. I was terrified for my mom to late and had a hard time going to school. I hardly had any friends and got bullied a lot because I dressed in dirty clothes and didn't shower often.

In seventh grade out of nowhere I got really confident and all that stuff went away. Then depression hit when I was I. Eighth grade and everything was hell for the rest of my adolescence.

Oct 02, 2016, 04:18 PM

I had a wonderful childhood until i was about eight. I had a beloved little sister who was my constant companion. I think those early, calm years contributed to the [relative!] success i've had as an adult because so much learning is done then. I mean my degree and my career. I'm on disability benefits now so the later, chaotic years caught up to me but my memories of playing Barbies with my sister are terrific! Only we watched a soap, "Another World" and Ken and Barbie would have very 'adult' stories where they would have affairs and get divorced. Good times!

BipolaRNurse · Oct 02, 2016, 08:43 PM

I was kinda messed up as a child. Around the age of ten I became obsessed with murder, death, blood, and other fun topics. It coincided with my first bout of (undiagnosed) depression. I drew pictures that disturbed my teachers but not my parents, who were more concerned about appearances than anything else. I was also a very angry child who had few outlets for that anger, so I think that contributed to my problems as much as being harshly treated by my mother. I had "up" periods when everything was great, but I also was highly irritable and flew into rages at any provocation.

Looking back, I'm pretty sure I've been bipolar for most, if not all, of my life. I didn't find out for sure until I was 53. That was at least 43 years of confusion and unhappiness that might have been fixable, if not curable. Sometimes it makes me angry that I suffered unnecessarily because my parents would not get me mental health care.

Theisonews · Oct 02, 2016, 11:30 PM

I was quite and shy

jpb4815 · Oct 03, 2016, 07:47 AM

I was a weird kid, bullied in middle school until I beat the bully with a stack in a black out rage and put him in the hospital. I was expelled from that school, and went to live with my dad in another school district. It was there that I found drugs, I %%$^ing loved them.. Anything that came my way I tried.

I don't know if the childhood gave me bipolar, or if I was born that way. It runs rampant on both sides of my family.

xRavenx · Oct 03, 2016, 09:16 AM

I was also into a lot of dark things. I had a strange side. Also, I was daring, but got scared of really random things. Once, I fixated on water. The next year, I fixated on windows blowing when it would get windy out, and I'd freak out. I did not do well sleeping over others' houses. Up until age 5, I would sleep in my mom's bed until she would carry me to my own bed when I would fall asleep. I also had night terrors that I would remember that were basically hallucinations. Luckily, those did go away.

I remember my first experience with what might have been a depressive episode was around age 9 around the holidays. I remember crying and crying for no reason...it was like the joy was completely sucked out of me, and it lasted for a while. Usually, I had a hypomanic side for sure. I was constantly getting involved with activities and projects. I was super imaginative, active, and creative. However, when I was 14, things changed, and that's when the more serious symptoms started.

violetgreen · Oct 03, 2016, 11:42 AM

I was a little ghost, melancholy and nervous. I saw saints, angels, devils and other ghosts. I felt ostracized by my family and classmates. I'd get enthusiasms, like riding my bike towards the setting sun. I felt lonely and misunderstood. I got relief by reading books.

*Laurie* · Oct 03, 2016, 03:05 PM

I was quiet as a child, and filled with anxiety (worried) and often depressed. I had a degree of OCD. As a teen I was less depressed and anxious, but quite moody.

If psychiatric help had been available back then I certainly needed it.

Theseus · Oct 03, 2016, 03:16 PM

I was a sissy and a mama's boy, and overly religious for a kid. My mother saw to that. She always referred to my shirts as blouses, and my socks as stockings. I joke and say my mother made me gay. I was a good student, though I got bullied. In my junior and senior years of high school I came into my own as "cool". Teachers used to wave me out of class saying "you know this material, go". I ruled the school because of my grades. Those were probably two of the best years of my life, with the exception of one other year, 20 years later. When I was about 18, when I started college I started having bouts of depression. College was not high school, and I found myself out of my depth.

OctobersBlackRose · Oct 04, 2016, 04:24 PM

I was.shy and quiet in school, always had anxiety at home and.school. No friends to speak of, at home I was really irritable and aggressive, throwing tantrums, throwing toys out windows. I around the age.of 10.started showing signs of bipolar, had my first major depression, starts drawing morbid pictures of me dying different ways, and was convinced that my Dad and younger sister wanted me.dead. At the age.of 12 I was.put into a psych hospital for those pictures, and diagnosed with MDD, and PTSD. And 10yrs later was finally last year diagnosed bipolar. I also technically have an autism diagnosis, but can't get ahold of my neuro-psych report from 2012, so may have to get re-tested, idk yet if I'll actually do that...

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I was a twisted kid. What were you like as a child? triggers

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I was a twisted kid. What were you like as a child? triggers