Seems Like There's Always A Problem.

First it was a lengthy, awful depressive episode. Physical therapy. Running to dermatologist. Then it was seizures for three months. I come out and go through a series of manic episodes. Had a potential cancer scare. Then have a nervous break down. Then get involved with my boss. Now needing to resign from work. Suffering from anxiety, after two more manic episodes.

Does this ever really end? Can I just have...a period of time, where nothing but good things happen and everything is stable? This has been the worst year since I became partially disabled due to mental health. I deserve a break from it all. What I'd give for a legit vacation. The thing is, I am on meds...been on meds. And in therapy. Been in therapy for years. So why is my life still insane?

I can relate....bad things really do happen in PILES I hope things improve for you soon.

I do hope things turn around for you soon.

I was happy 2014-2015 when I wasn't working and just enjoying my life. But it wasn't good enough for my parents. They wanted me to function like an adult. Which, can't blame them at all for that. So I got a job and everything went down the tubes. LOL. My happiness, my stability, and everything...vanish. But I'd rather be a working adult than a non-worker, because its good for socialization and bill paying. Though I never earned enough to pay all my bills. Forgot to add declaring bankruptcy to this year's events.

I'm under a lot of pressure to function and act like a non-disabled person despite being disabled. Its tough.

It's always good advise to try your best. It sounds like you do. Yes, it's very hard but it sounds to me like you've got what it takes to get through this. Keep up the good work but try not to put too much pressure on yourself....unless you thrive under pressure, in which case keep it up. (((Hugs)))

Sorry for all the troubles you are having. Sometimes when it rains, it pours. What are you going to do without a job? No money to pay the bills? I hope you find a job that pays the bills and that which you are happy with. Do not give up! You are worth it to be happy! You will find another job.

A word of advice. Relationships with your bosses really never work out. Take care.

Tucson

I wasn't expecting to have a romantic relationship with him at all. I don't know how things escalated, and I have no delusions he would try to have a relationship with me when I leave. Do you think I should try to stick it out? I'm going on Lexapro for anxiety, and that might help a lot a month from now.

I'm disabled enough to collect SSI and can pay the bills on that for a while, until I get my next job. But I'm planning to move out of state early next year so I'm not sure who'd hire me for 2-3 months.

I would try to stick it out for two to three months. SSI will not give you much compared to the job you already have. Save as much money as you can. BTW I am happy you did not take my advice the wrong way. Next time just do not be the willing participant. Draw your boundaries well, both for them, and most importantly, for yourself. You then will be OK. For anxiety there are additionally natural remedies like Valerian Root, if I am not mistaken.

Tucson

Haha....it was good advice. I never approached him with the intention of becoming involved. He blurred boundaries with me and crossed the line. And I wasn't sure what to do about it, and we never talked about it. Now we're being separated but he obviously likes me and cares about me because he can't hide it. I like him so much, and its really rare for me to feel romantically about anyone. First time in 7 years. I didn't think I was capable of it anymore.

But that being said, I know nothing will ever come out of it. Knowing the intimate things I know about him now, I can't think or feel about him differently. My solution was to cut off all contact and take myself out of the environment so I could move on. They've cut my hours pretty badly over this, as if I did something wrong. I did step out of line, but he should have told me so, instead of what he did do. Someone tried to frame me over this, another manager. So I'm in a very difficult situation. Chris was my ally, and now he has to avoid me. I don't want to ruin any future job references. And I no longer have anyone to turn to. I've been crying about this on and off for weeks. Struggling with anxiety, panic attacks and then exhaustion. For a number of days I'd just sleep 12 hours. I honestly don't want anything from him except for things to be okay.

Things can and WILL get better. They have to. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice on what to do about your work situation, but I can recommend that you get LOTS of exercise, meditation, and take excellent care of your body at this time. That should help with the anxiety. Do you have friends you can spend time with or talk to on the phone? It sounds like you need something to feed your mind, body, and soul. Take care of yourself. <3

I have one best friend, and we text daily. I'll see if he's available to hang out at all this week. Other than that, I try to discuss this with online friends and none of them care or want to talk about it. Well, one did. I don't know....its like, when I start to go through a tough time, suddenly I stop existing for people online. They only want me when I'm happy, energetic and talking about things we have in common. I'm getting back into writing, journaling and photography. Tomorrow I'm going to the graveyard to do some autumn photography, actually. Then to an old cider mill to take more pictures.

But it still gets to me at times. It breaks through the cracks and I start to get tears in my eyes. I'm doing everything I can to hold myself together and have creative outlets. But I wish I had more friends. But I just don't. Not many people care about me. Including family. I'm estranged from my family because of my mental health issues. That's a whole other can of worms though. This whole year, I've tried to handle everything, and face everything, on my own. Which worked well up until the nervous breakdown.