[harmonyinheart]

My psychiatrist of 2 1/2 years said to me yesterday that he doesn't know if he can do anything else for me. I'm am super-sensitive to meds (have tried and failed with so many) and I have been undergoing ECT with him since February (maintenance treatments these past four months). This is also following two different medication trials over the past seven weeks- the last a TCA I used to be able to tolerate but this time made me wicked tweaked out and like I was on some really bad speed.
He said he doesn't see a clear picture of recovery and what works for me. He said it may be time to have another set of eyes take a look, I.e. Another psychiatrist. I said even if i wanted to get a second set of eyes, psychiatrists are so scarce how would I even get into see one? ( there are people I know who have been on waiting lists for 9+ months to see a psychiatrist)

Then he said about a referral for CSP services, and I can have coordinated care and counseling services and access to DBT groups, etc. not really addressing the question about finding a new doctor.
this discussion took place just before I was put out for my ECT. He mentioned it to my mother as well, and she asked " would she still be able to see you?" He said "it's possible."

This made me feel like real s?!$.
I said to him that I was in a much better place now than 9 months ago-I bottomed out with my BP depression and we began then ECT. Took awhile but it saved my life. I've told him this before.
He has said there usually is more consistency with the maintenance treatments.
I get that a lot "usually " statements. I have a complex mental illness profile, so I "usually " don't fit into the "usual".
This dr. Is considered to be too notch in psychiatry around here and I don't want to start with a new doctor or new counselor. **

I don't know what I am really looking for here. Any support would be welcome. I fear being passed off and having to start over with a new doctor. And my ECTS- not a lot of people qualified to perform them. He is one of very few where I live and they saved my life I do not want to give them up.
It's just, I feel so hopeless about everything now. What am I going to do?!
The uncertainty of everything is really killing me to.


**I just began with my current therapist five weeks ago- had to change because my previous therapist was not helpful and I didn't feel he had my best interests in mind at all; before that my insurance changed and I had to stop seeing a wonderful therapist, before that another therapist that wasn't fit to help with what I deal with , and then a therapist was fired and then another before that got a new job and before that it was yet another insurance issue. I've been through so many, my doctor has even said I need consistency in this respect. And my new therapist is intelligent, has experience with my illnesses and I can tell she genuinely cares. END OF RANT just really upsets me

[casey1231]

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry you are struggling and you are not alone. All things pass and this will too, please do not give up.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by harmonyinheart

My psychiatrist of 2 1/2 years said to me yesterday that he doesn't know if he can do anything else for me. I'm am super-sensitive to meds (have tried and failed with so many) and I have been undergoing ECT with him since February (maintenance treatments these past four months). This is also following two different medication trials over the past seven weeks- the last a TCA I used to be able to tolerate but this time made me wicked tweaked out and like I was on some really bad speed.
He said he doesn't see a clear picture of recovery and what works for me. He said it may be time to have another set of eyes take a look, I.e. Another psychiatrist. I said even if i wanted to get a second set of eyes, psychiatrists are so scarce how would I even get into see one? ( there are people I know who have been on waiting lists for 9+ months to see a psychiatrist)

Then he said about a referral for CSP services, and I can have coordinated care and counseling services and access to DBT groups, etc. not really addressing the question about finding a new doctor.
this discussion took place just before I was put out for my ECT. He mentioned it to my mother as well, and she asked " would she still be able to see you?" He said "it's possible."

This made me feel like real s?!$.
I said to him that I was in a much better place now than 9 months ago-I bottomed out with my BP depression and we began then ECT. Took awhile but it saved my life. I've told him this before.
He has said there usually is more consistency with the maintenance treatments.
I get that a lot "usually " statements. I have a complex mental illness profile, so I "usually " don't fit into the "usual".
This dr. Is considered to be too notch in psychiatry around here and I don't want to start with a new doctor or new counselor. **

I don't know what I am really looking for here. Any support would be welcome. I fear being passed off and having to start over with a new doctor. And my ECTS- not a lot of people qualified to perform them. He is one of very few where I live and they saved my life I do not want to give them up.
It's just, I feel so hopeless about everything now. What am I going to do?!
The uncertainty of everything is really killing me to.


**I just began with my current therapist five weeks ago- had to change because my previous therapist was not helpful and I didn't feel he had my best interests in mind at all; before that my insurance changed and I had to stop seeing a wonderful therapist, before that another therapist that wasn't fit to help with what I deal with , and then a therapist was fired and then another before that got a new job and before that it was yet another insurance issue. I've been through so many, my doctor has even said I need consistency in this respect. And my new therapist is intelligent, has experience with my illnesses and I can tell she genuinely cares. END OF RANT just really upsets me

I am sorry it's so difficult.

Many of us here deal with very complex psychiatric/medical situations. Welcome!

When talking with your current pdoc, be sure to repeatedly and clearly state you want your professional relationship with him to continue; State you continue to want him as your pdoc.

When either of you are mentioning "a second set of eyes," clarify you agree to this only for a consult.

You mention your mother, which makes me wonder if you are 18 and/or if your mother is involved in treatment planning with your pdoc. If she is involved, it would be helpful to you to be sure you and she are clearly on the same page with this.

In other words, don't allow any misunderstanding on the point of your desire to keep this pdoc as your pdoc.

If there's a program available which may benefit you in a more comprehensive manner, you might evaluate your options then and decide if you think such a program is worth leaving your pdoc or not.

Always be very clear with practitioners about your strong preferences.
Clearly assert yourself to avoid any misunderstandings.

You are your own best advocate.

I hope this helps somehow.
I wish I had more to offer you.

Please let us know how you are getting on?
I hope all goes well.


WC

[1978dd]

I've been through several therapists and psychiatrists over the years. I think it's helpful to change providers from time to time. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and anxiety so I'm used to being shuffled around. Make sure you advocate for yourself (sounds like you are) and verbally disagree in a respectful way if necessary. You know yourself the best!

[harmonyinheart]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry it's so difficult.

Many of us here deal with very complex psychiatric/medical situations. Welcome!

When talking with your current pdoc, be sure to repeatedly and clearly state you want your professional relationship with him to continue; State you continue to want him as your pdoc.

When either of you are mentioning "a second set of eyes," clarify you agree to this only for a consult.

You mention your mother, which makes me wonder if you are 18 and/or if your mother is involved in treatment planning with your pdoc. If she is involved, it would be helpful to you to be sure you and she are clearly on the same page with this.

In other words, don't allow any misunderstanding on the point of your desire to keep this pdoc as your pdoc.

If there's a program available which may benefit you in a more comprehensive manner, you might evaluate your options then and decide if you think such a program is worth leaving your pdoc or not.

Always be very clear with practitioners about your strong preferences.
Clearly assert yourself to avoid any misunderstandings.

You are your own best advocate.

I hope this helps somehow.
I wish I had more to offer you.

Please let us know how you are getting on?
I hope all goes well.


WC

Thank you so much for your detailed response and attention. I very much appreciate everything you have written. It has helped solidify a lot of what I have been thinking- my brain is just a bit mushy after a second failed med trial and ECT yesterday AND this news from my doctor.
You are so right and I will be as clear as I can that I really want to remain under his care. And you mentioned my age and my mother and her involvement- I am 31 (32 in about 3 months). I live with her for free be years now since I graduated college in 2012 as I couldn't afford living alone anymore with the student loan payback. I worked for about eleven months right after college full time and then was on leave and FMLA leave for a total of four months. I made it a few weeks back at work and then crumbled quickly to my pre-leave state. That is when my pdoc suggested I apply for disability. He left in 2015 and I began working with this current doctor since then. I as granted my disability after three years of fighting but still cannot afford my own place so I remain with my mom. She takes me to my ECTS and my doctor usually speaks with her just a minute or two but she is not involved really.
I try to be assertive and avoid misunderstandings- I can not stand being misunderstood-but I get surprised often with my doctors responses or emphases and I in the moment freeze up and only after think "that's what I should have said/he should know". I see him on Monday in his office so fingers crossed it goes well.
Thank you again for your support

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by harmonyinheart

Thank you so much for your detailed response and attention. I very much appreciate everything you have written. It has helped solidify a lot of what I have been thinking- my brain is just a bit mushy after a second failed med trial and ECT yesterday AND this news from my doctor.
You are so right and I will be as clear as I can that I really want to remain under his care. And you mentioned my age and my mother and her involvement- I am 31 (32 in about 3 months). I live with her for free be years now since I graduated college in 2012 as I couldn't afford living alone anymore with the student loan payback. I worked for about eleven months right after college full time and then was on leave and FMLA leave for a total of four months. I made it a few weeks back at work and then crumbled quickly to my pre-leave state. That is when my pdoc suggested I apply for disability. He left in 2015 and I began working with this current doctor since then. I as granted my disability after three years of fighting but still cannot afford my own place so I remain with my mom. She takes me to my ECTS and my doctor usually speaks with her just a minute or two but she is not involved really.
I try to be assertive and avoid misunderstandings- I can not stand being misunderstood-but I get surprised often with my doctors responses or emphases and I in the moment freeze up and only after think "that's what I should have said/he should know". I see him on Monday in his office so fingers crossed it goes well.
Thank you again for your support

My pdoc is very experienced and does not know what to do for me, either. Yet, we keep trying... together. This takes a commitment from both of us and as you know the commitment is very important. I tend to feel there's at least some healing in working within a mutual commitment with a trusted practitioner.

As for moms, mine is elderly and lives with us so she is not alone.
Mothers are special. I am glad you have your mom's support. I am glad you have one another.

Please let us know how you're getting on? I'm interested.

I hope you find some helpful answers.


WC

[harmonyinheart]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

My pdoc is very experienced and does not know what to do for me, either. Yet, we keep trying... together. This takes a commitment from both of us and as you know the commitment is very important. I tend to feel there's at least some healing in working within a mutual commitment with a trusted practitioner.

As for moms, mine is elderly and lives with us so she is not alone.
Mothers are special. I am glad you have your mom's support. I am glad you have one another.

Please let us know how you're getting on? I'm interested.

I hope you find some helpful answers.


WC

Again, thank you for your support. I don't always feel that my doc and I are committed to fighting together, esp when he says what he said to me yesterday about seeing someone else. And you say "but you (guys) keep trying". I wish I didn't feel like he was giving up on me.
And I am grateful that I have a mother and she is willing and wanting to take me for all of my ECTS, but we don't jive very well. I wish we had a different relationship but we are just two different from one another in too many ways.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by harmonyinheart

Again, thank you for your support. I don't always feel that my doc and I are committed to fighting together, esp when he says what he said to me yesterday about seeing someone else. And you say "but you (guys) keep trying". I wish I didn't feel like he was giving up on me.
And I am grateful that I have a mother and she is willing and wanting to take me for all of my ECTS, but we don't jive very well. I wish we had a different relationship but we are just two different from one another in too many ways.

My pdoc did "offer" to send me to someone else. When we'd talked more about this, he'd explained he'd felt obligated to at least "offer" care under someone else because he was feeling he did not know how to help any longer (with meds).
He'd admitted, within that conversation, that he'd still truly wanted to work with me; yet, has an obligation to look out for my welfare first.

That's when we both realized no other practitioner was going to know more about me than he does. We get along very well. He can prescribe meds. 35 years experience. Outside of a possible consult, how would it be helpful for me to move on? It wouldn't be helpful in my case.

This is when we more formally committed to continue to work together, even though he'd felt he'd run out of med options.

It's okay to discuss (with your pdoc) the possible pros and cons of making a change.

Please do tell him what you'd heard from him and all about any associated feelings. It's very important he knows if you feel he's "giving up" on you.
It's his role to help you to find healing, not to create more anxiety and/or despair. He knows this and can help to clarify his intentions.

Our pdocs are human. Sometimes, some of them feel inadequate or unsure, etc.

I hope you and he will find a way to have a heart-to-heart and will clarify matters.


WC

(P.S. My mom and I are very different from one another. It's taken a commitment and time to truly Love and accept one another as we are. We have grown to truly deeply appreciate one another. Aging can help with this.)

[harmonyinheart]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

My pdoc did "offer" to send me to someone else. When we'd talked more about this, he'd explained he'd felt obligated to at least "offer" care under someone else because he was feeling he did not know how to help any longer (with meds).
He'd admitted, within that conversation, that he'd still truly wanted to work with me; yet, has an obligation to look out for my welfare first.

That's when we both realized no other practitioner was going to know more about me than he does. We get along very well. He can prescribe meds. 35 years experience. Outside of a possible consult, how would it be helpful for me to move on? It wouldn't be helpful in my case.

This is when we more formally committed to continue to work together, even though he'd felt he'd run out of med options.

It's okay to discuss (with your pdoc) the possible pros and cons of making a change.

Please do tell him what you'd heard from him and all about any associated feelings. It's very important he knows if you feel he's "giving up" on you.
It's his role to help you to find healing, not to create more anxiety and/or despair. He knows this and can help to clarify his intentions.

Our pdocs are human. Sometimes, some of them feel inadequate or unsure, etc.

I hope you and he will find a way to have a heart-to-heart and will clarify matters.


WC

(P.S. My mom and I are very different from one another. It's taken a commitment and time to truly Love and accept one another as we are. We have grown to truly deeply appreciate one another. Aging can help with this.)

Your words are very encouraging. Thank you so much. I will keep your words close to the edge of my mind when I see my doc on Monday. Thank you

[99fairies]

You can write a list of thing you want to address with him just incase you freeze up again.

[Sunflower123]

Wild Coyote has excellent advice and extensive knowledge.

[harmonyinheart]

I posted this originally in the med forums, as I sought support there initially as well. An update about this matter:

Originally Posted by harmonyinheart

Well I have seen my psychiatrist twice since this first was brought up. The first meeting was difficult and I felt that he misunderstood a lot of what has been happening he last 2.5 years that I've beeen seeing him. However, I saw him yesterday and it went better. I told him I needed to be less passive, take advantage of he times when my symptoms aren't severe and just push through. Because there will always likely be symptoms I have to just live with them. I told him I need to do more, get a job and finally get out of my house, part time work in conjunction with my disability income will be enough to survive on my own. And I made it clear, or at least I hope I did, that significant progress has been made since I began seeing him (I won't site all th examples I gave) and that I would have left long ago had I thought it would be any other way, had I thought progress was out of reach with him.
I also said that about late 2009 until early 2011 I went through a period where after a significant bipolar episode I just let the depression envelope me and I didn't take action. I, like the past few months, just became enervated by all the symptoms. 9 months, 20 months, even 5 or 6, I wouldn't have been able to carry out a job. But the last few months I should have been. So that is my plan. Get a job, be less passive, get my ED under control and continue with my doctor and my therapist. I told him I would meet with my county health and human services dept still, to see if they would be a worthwhile resource. That is next week. I told him I was leaning towards not going that route, but I would check it out nonetheless.

Thanks everyone for your support.

[Shazerac]

it's not your fault if your doc doesn't think they can help you. That's on them. I'm so sorry you are hurting right now.

[1978dd]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

it's not your fault if your doc doesn't think they can help you. That's on them. I'm so sorry you are hurting right now.

I know good pdocs are hard to find. I have a pdoc for meds and a t for psychotherapy. Do you have a t? I would be lost without mine!

[harmonyinheart]

Originally Posted by 1978dd

I know good pdocs are hard to find. I have a pdoc for meds and a t for psychotherapy. Do you have a t? I would be lost without mine!

I do have a therapist. I just started with her about six weeks ago. I have had to change therapists like seven times in the past three years, due to insurance issues, people leaving their office, getting fired, etc. so I am hoping to continue with this new therapist indefinitely. Hopefully this helps.