[Wander]

The last two nights I have been having dinner with another inpatient. the first was a fluke but last night he searched me out. He is not my usual physical type but I am very attracted to him and we shared many interests.

He is a paramedic on leave due to bad PTSD form work. He was the guy who went to the accidents and comforted the other paramedics but there was no one to comfort him. It is really wrong. Now he is being judged at work as weak as he could not take the heat. I men what empathetic, loving, caring human being could be ok after seeing so much carnage for so long and not be touched?

Anyways, now I am looking for him everywhere I go. Think I have a crush on him and if my spider-senses are right he likes me too. Has anyone started a relationship with a person they met IP? My ex-husband did and his relationship is going strong after 17 months. Any things to be careful about? Any advice?

[Moose72]

I personally wouldn't but that's me.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I personally wouldn't but that's me.

Why? We seem like a good match.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wander

Why? We seem like a good match.

Because it's hard enough taking care of my mental illness Nevermind someone else's.

[gayleggg]

I did and wound up having a nine month affair with him. It didn't end well.

I would advise treading very carefully.

Originally Posted by Wander

The last two nights I have been having dinner with another inpatient. the first was a fluke but last night he searched me out. He is not my usual physical type but I am very attracted to him and we shared many interests.

He is a paramedic on leave due to bad PTSD form work. He was the guy who went to the accidents and comforted the other paramedics but there was no one to comfort him. It is really wrong. Now he is being judged at work as weak as he could not take the heat. I men what empathetic, loving, caring human being could be ok after seeing so much carnage for so long and not be touched?

Anyways, now I am looking for him everywhere I go. Think I have a crush on him and if my spider-senses are right he likes me too. Has anyone started a relationship with a person they met IP? My ex-husband did and his relationship is going strong after 17 months. Any things to be careful about? Any advice?

My last IP I was highly delusional and paranoid so couldn't connect emotionally due to paranoia but I did find a few guys very attractive due to my hypersexuality. I'm married though so it's good I was paranoid and not delusional is a sex sort of way.

I had females hit on me while IP twice. One was an elderly very large women and the other a young very lovely ballerina type. I wasn't interested either time.

Your romance gives me butterfly tingles. Tell us more

[Wander]

Thanks guys, good points. It is unlikely anything will happen between un anyway but we could just talk for hours we have so much in common. It is an intellectual attraction, and he is cute although a few years older than me. I will be hunting him down today to talk some more and see where it leads. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship at all at this point in his life, and in a way I am not quite ready which is why the strength of my attraction took me by surprise. He is not my usual physical type but i don't care. Oh well this project should keep me amused. As we both have PTSD we already understand so much about each other too without having to talk about it. 99% of our conversation has been on ancient british cultures like gaelic, celtic and druids and music. He is Welsh and my ancestors are English. So similar but also very different.

[Nammu]

Seems like a good thing. My only advice is to take it very slow as you both are unstable enough to need hospitalization. Just be friends now and after you are both stable then see where it goes.

[PenguinExMachina]

My advice for IP is to focus on yourself. It's why you are there. I spent my time focusing on everyone else. I spent my time listening to everyone talk, helping them, making friends...basically fixing everyone else. Which was actually against the "House Rules" of the place I was at. I feel like I wasted those two weeks because I'm not in a safer mindset. I met some good people, sure, and it's only natural I should do what I did because it's what I do for a living, but it's not why I was there and now I may be looking at possibly going back only two months later.
Get to know him, there's nothing wrong with it. But like Nammu said, take it very slow. Focus mainly on your recovery and your needs.

Originally Posted by Wander

Thanks guys, good points. It is unlikely anything will happen between un anyway but we could just talk for hours we have so much in common. It is an intellectual attraction, and he is cute although a few years older than me. I will be hunting him down today to talk some more and see where it leads. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship at all at this point in his life, and in a way I am not quite ready which is why the strength of my attraction took me by surprise. He is not my usual physical type but i don't care. Oh well this project should keep me amused. As we both have PTSD we already understand so much about each other too without having to talk about it. 99% of our conversation has been on ancient british cultures like gaelic, celtic and druids and music. He is Welsh and my ancestors are English. So similar but also very different.

Taking it slow is a good idea but I say to get his number and contact info before you go. Be friends first if you find you can wait

You really can never have too many friends. And people who understand and can relate are rare. Definately get his details

[st0psign]

2 in my DBT group. yes.

The reason why I would be Leary is you really don't know if the person is cognitively capable of consenting to a romantic relationship. A relationship while impatient is probably highly discouraged by staff and personnel I suspect? Wait till you get out and stable before making any choices

(((Hugs)))

[Wild Coyote]

Take your time!

It's nice when we feel a connection/attraction with someone new.
It's most interesting when it catches us by surprise.

Many of us feel especially lonely when experiencing more challenges.
I have known of many "patients" trying to hook-up with one another.

Take it slow and get to know him, as well as you reaction to him, in the longer run. Maybe he is the person you think he is, maybe not.

In the meantime, enjoy an interesting friendship.


WC

[zijax]

I met my fiance IP three years ago. It was a rocky relationship at the beginning. We were both unstable with bipolar and using drugs and alcohol. I am happy to say we stayed together through his 13 month incarceration period from DUIs and are both sober and clean and stable. We both attend AA and therapy and are doing well and very much in love. We now go back to the hospital we met at and take the AA meeting in there to the patients and try to help them. We are a success story. It can happen but it takes a lot of work and a lot of love.

[Wander]

Thanks so much everyone for the great feedback. We had breakfast together this morning but it was pretty low key. A little talk on meds but mostly other random stuff. I did disclose I have bipolar so expect him to hide from me from now on. He doesn't seem judgemental, its juts my paranoia.

As advised I am going to take this slow while somehow working out hoe to get his number without giving the game away. Hopefully he feels the same and will ask me first. This is so weird and new to me a i have been single for a year and even that relationship was dead before it begun as I was not attracted to him. He was just such a nice guy but I learnt that that isn't enough for a long-term relationship. The attraction needs to be there.

I am probably making something out of nothing, maybe he felt bad seeing me eat alone, idk. I do know he is single an recently divorced (as am I so can't judge that). He has good, rational plans for the future and seems like a man who ill follow through.

I feel like a giddy school girl. If nothing happens between us I will have at least felt i have definitely moved ob from my marriage and am ready to find the right man.

I think you are thinking straight. Lots of people share numbers these days so don't be afraid to just ask. Say "I'm really into this networking thing and hope we can exchange numbers and keep in touch". Something like that

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I think you are thinking straight. Lots of people share numbers these days so don't be afraid to just ask. Say "I'm really into this networking thing and hope we can exchange numbers and keep in touch". Something like that

Maybe i could ask him if he is on FB...or just go for it and ask his number...I guess a part of me wants him to take the initiative so I know he is interested. I am a little elevate so there is that too. Still, this guy attracts me. I love a guy you can talk to about a wide range of interesting, intellectual topics. Looks are secondary to me. Being up does make me feel very positive about this. Like it is going to happen. I just have to listen and talk slower somehow so I don't scare him away.

[Wild Coyote]

I'm very attracted to more people when I am hypomanic.
There more "electricity" in the air! Lol!

That said, I am married.

I did not meet my husband IP; however, he also lives with BP-II. We'd happened to cross each other's paths and have been together since (over 20 years). He's very stable/reliable and the nicest person I know. We are very devoted to one another's well-being. We were first, and remain, excellent friends -- first and foremost.

I met him when I was definitely not looking for a new relationship.
We were quickly inseparable. Still are.

One just never knows what may transpire.


WC

[Moose72]

I haven't run into anybody to date besides the dating people that have turned into long time friends. Of course I wasn't looking inpatient either just online.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I haven't run into anybody to date besides the dating people that have turned into long time friends. Of course I wasn't looking inpatient either just online.

I have never considered meeting someone IP due to the fact that we both must be in a bad place so starting a relationship in the circumstances could be disastrous. But this guy has just captured my attention in a way i have not felt since i met my ex-husband 14 years ago.

And yes the elevated mood may be in play but i wasn't elevated the first time we met. guess I will just have to wait and see what transpires.

Pretty much every time I was inpatient, there was someone I befriended (not in any romantic interest, but friendly so) and we even exchanged contact information. I never contacted any of them, and they didn't contact me either. The hospital is a weird environment and not at all real world. Generally, the reason I never contact people I met was, quite honestly, I wanted to put that hospital visit completely behind me, including even the nice people I met. I suspect that is what most want to do. Real life post hospital is very different than the odd unreality of the hospital environment.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Pretty much every time I was inpatient, there was someone I befriended (not in any romantic interest, but friendly so) and we even exchanged contact information. I never contacted any of them, and they didn't contact me either. The hospital is a weird environment and not at all real world. Generally, the reason I never contact people I met was, quite honestly, I wanted to put that hospital visit completely behind me, including even the nice people I met. I suspect that is what most want to do. Real life post hospital is very different than the odd unreality of the hospital environment.

So true. I hadn't thought of that.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Wander

The last two nights I have been having dinner with another inpatient. the first was a fluke but last night he searched me out. He is not my usual physical type but I am very attracted to him and we shared many interests.


He is a paramedic on leave due to bad PTSD form work. He was the guy who went to the accidents and comforted the other paramedics but there was no one to comfort him. It is really wrong. Now he is being judged at work as weak as he could not take the heat. I men what empathetic, loving, caring human being could be ok after seeing so much carnage for so long and not be touched?


Anyways, now I am looking for him everywhere I go. Think I have a crush on him and if my spider-senses are right he likes me too. Has anyone started a relationship with a person they met IP? My ex-husband did and his relationship is going strong after 17 months. Any things to be careful about? Any advice?

Omg memories!! My very first IP when I was 18 I met a guy a little older than me. Like your friend, he had PTSD. We clicked right away. We would get In trouble for sitting too close lol. Well he got out a few days before me and before he left we kid in a corner and kissed. He handed me his number. When I got out I called him and we started hanging out. It was very casual and just a friend with benefits type of thing. He was a goth. Not my type. But I would do his eyeliner for him. He was so hot omg. But his family was like gypsy's, never around long. His dad had to move and I never seen him again. I took it so hard and got really depressed but we talked on the phone often. He'd talk about his adventures on the road and it was exciting. I don't remember what happened but we lost touch. That was 11 years ago and I still think about him often. Thing is I can't even remember his last name to look him up(blame the meds). He was such a cool dude. I hope he's doing well now.

Edit: adding on that now that I think about it... I see couples in IP gravitate towards each other all the time. I'm sure this is more common than we think!

[Rabbity9]

Speaking from both personal and professional experience, I wouldn't recommend dating someone you met in treatment.

At the hospital where I work we advise all patients to avoid building relationships, including friendships, with people that they meet in treatment. It still happens, because people can feel very close to others that they meet in treatment because they often have a lot in common and share a lot of personal stuff in group therapy, which is actually problematic because then confidential thoughts shared in that setting leave the safe space of treatment.

A number of our patients do wind up dating, which we find out about because they either continue treatment in our outpatient programs or come back to inpatient, and those relationships almost always end up a source of stress for them, rather than a positive support. And sometimes it can get very, very bad.

I don't think it's bad to date someone else with mental illness, in fact, it can be really good because you understand each other in ways many people can't, but it helps if at least one of you is in a decently stable place, as opposed to someone else who is currently in acute treatment. I have been in relationships with a few other people with mental health issues, and while some, including my current one, have been great because we started things in a good place, I've also had one where we were both in an acute state and it was traumatic enough to mess me up for years.

Just saying, be careful, and try to use your best self awareness going forward.

[Wonderfalls]

I think Wild Coyote makes a good point about being more attracted to people and also more attractive when you're manic. I felt at the time that I formed very close friendships while I was IP and we all exchanged email addresses. The staff and my psychiatrist strongly discouraged maintaining friendship on the outside however, because we were all pretty messed up and it was an unreal world where we all did things together and were experiencing the same things and seemed to have everything in common and it felt like no one else could really understand. I didn't keep up; when I adapted back to my real world I realized that we had very different lives.

I don't think it would hurt to get FB info and maybe email addresses. Just don't get your hopes up too high. Also, as someone else said, don't let all of this distract you from your own healing.