[JustJace2u]

I just have to get this out there. I've been feeling numb, as if my emotions have just completely left my body. I haven't really had a good cry in weeks, but I haven't been overly joyful either, I just feel like a lump on a log if that makes any sense. There was a part of me that felt as if my going home for Thanksgiving would make things better, but I feel it has only made things worse, and now I'm dreading going home for Christmas in a few weeks. Think I'll just go back to bed and maybe I won't wake up. I'm tired of feeling this way and just want it all to stop.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

I just have to get this out there. I've been feeling numb, as if my emotions have just completely left my body. I haven't really had a good cry in weeks, but I haven't been overly joyful either, I just feel like a lump on a log if that makes any sense. There was a part of me that felt as if my going home for Thanksgiving would make things better, but I feel it has only made things worse, and now I'm dreading going home for Christmas in a few weeks. Think I'll just go back to bed and maybe I won't wake up. I'm tired of feeling this way and just want it all to stop.

this may make no sense to you at this time and take it with a grain of salt .... I am no expert or professional in any sense ...

but what saved me was finding something to hang onto ... a reason to feel again ... to hope for ... to have a reason to get up one more morning ....

mine was a little korean performer ... silly .. maybe so ... but it gave me a glimmer of hope outside my self and my gloom ...

what can you find ... I do not know ... maybe a relative ... maybe a craft ... but I believe deep inside us all is a need to love someone or something... and that and only that will heal or begin to heal that deep pain some of us have inside us ...

be strong .. never give up ... never stop looking .. seeking ... your salvation is there ... and you must always believe you will find it ...

be strong ... remember you are loved .... and your life has great value .... Tigger ..

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

this may make no sense to you at this time and take it with a grain of salt .... I am no expert or professional in any sense ...

but what saved me was finding something to hang onto ... a reason to feel again ... to hope for ... to have a reason to get up one more morning ....

mine was a little korean performer ... silly .. maybe so ... but it gave me a glimmer of hope outside my self and my gloom ...

what can you find ... I do not know ... maybe a relative ... maybe a craft ... but I believe deep inside us all is a need to love someone or something... and that and only that will heal or begin to heal that deep pain some of us have inside us ...

be strong .. never give up ... never stop looking .. seeking ... your salvation is there ... and you must always believe you will find it ...

be strong ... remember you are loved .... and your life has great value .... Tigger ..

Thanks for your post. I've tried to find something worthwhile to hang on to, but there just doesn't seem to be anything. My dad basically told me in not so many words that I would amount to nothing in life because of the degree I've chosen at school. When I tried explaining my thought process to him he just sort of blew it off.

[xRavenx]

Hi JustJace2u,

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. What do you think can be contributing to that feeling? Have you gone through an especially hard time that just drained you to the point where emotionally you are just shutting down?

Sometimes when things get especially overwhelming, it's a natural response to become numb. Numbness can be a subconscious way of blocking and protecting oneself from underlying pain, grief, anger, feelings of powerlessness, and/or confronting issues that are stressful. From what you just posted, I can see how issues with school and parents can certainly contribute....especially with the holidays coming up. Family can trigger especially around this time of year if there are any issues.

I also wonder if you think if seasonal changes (not getting enough daylight, SAD) is affecting your mood. Certain Vitamins, exercise, counseling, meditation, and sometimes medication changes can make a difference. Personal outlets are especially important. It may be hard to get that motivation, but as long as you don't entirely abandon those activities, then it's still a step towards self-care. Even though numbness can lead everything to feel so "dull," it won't last forever. Mindfulness exercises sometimes help me and find a balance between avoiding isolation while still giving myself time and space.

Try to identify things that are self-soothing and just be aware what warning signs to look out for in case depression gets worse, and in that case, going to your pdoc asap is what's needed.

I know it's hard to gain interest in things when you're feeling so numb, but it will take time and maybe some small lifestyle changes that promote health and wellness. Also, don't place pressure on yourself that you have to feel better in "x" amount of time. Everyone is different. I wish you well.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are going through this.

Some really good posts above from our friends here.

From what I have read over time, you write about your parents inability to validate you and aspects of your life. This can be very painful.

You've just seen your parents for an extended period.

How do you handle the lack of validation?
I am guessing some of your parents' comments and behaviors are hurtful.
What do you do in response to the "hurt?"
Do you maybe get hurt, then angry and shut down, putting a lid on your own emotions?

Sometimes, meds can contribute to blunting our affect.

Sometimes we subconsciously choose to blunt our own emotions because:
- it's less painful to "blunt" or to "stuff" emotions than to feel them, or
- we are fearful of what might happen should we fully feel our emotions, or
- past attempts at expressing our emotions have not gone well, or
- we simply have not learned to identify and how to handle our emotions, or
- due to some other reason entirely.

When we don't know what will happen if we feel our emotions, we may fear them. Shutting down, "numbness," can feel like "safety" from the unknown.

Trouble is, over time, "numbness" keeps us, and those around us, stuck in a non-rewarding (usually unhealthy) pattern.

Do you journal? Sometimes journaling can help us to identify, express, sort feelings.

Is it possible, if you'd otherwise feel overwhelmed right now, that "numbness" is keeping you feeling more safe?

I recall you've been searching for a compatible therapist and pdoc. Have you been able to find these resources? If so, are you moving toward a closer relationship(s) with these providers?

You deserve to feel heard.
You deserve validation.

You deserve to feel as though your parents "believe in you."

We all need to feel heard and validated.
We all need support.

Please keep reaching out.
We believe in you.
Let us help to support you during this trying time.


WC

[ComfortablyNumb5]

It sounds like you're having some mild depression. Or maybe your emotions are stunted from meds. That happens to me. I can't cry for anything anymore.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Hi JustJace2u,

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. What do you think can be contributing to that feeling? Have you gone through an especially hard time that just drained you to the point where emotionally you are just shutting down?

Sometimes when things get especially overwhelming, it's a natural response to become numb. Numbness can be a subconscious way of blocking and protecting oneself from underlying pain, grief, anger, feelings of powerlessness, and/or confronting issues that are stressful. From what you just posted, I can see how issues with school and parents can certainly contribute....especially with the holidays coming up. Family can trigger especially around this time of year if there are any issues.

I also wonder if you think if seasonal changes (not getting enough daylight, SAD) is affecting your mood. Certain Vitamins, exercise, counseling, meditation, and sometimes medication changes can make a difference. Personal outlets are especially important. It may be hard to get that motivation, but as long as you don't entirely abandon those activities, then it's still a step towards self-care. Even though numbness can lead everything to feel so "dull," it won't last forever. Mindfulness exercises sometimes help me and find a balance between avoiding isolation while still giving myself time and space.

Try to identify things that are self-soothing and just be aware what warning signs to look out for in case depression gets worse, and in that case, going to your pdoc asap is what's needed.

I know it's hard to gain interest in things when you're feeling so numb, but it will take time and maybe some small lifestyle changes that promote health and wellness. Also, don't place pressure on yourself that you have to feel better in "x" amount of time. Everyone is different. I wish you well.

Thank you. My life in general has been full of ups and downs and disappointments. I was diagnosed as a teenager with SAD and sought therapy back then. Like so many others, I eventually felt 'cured' and stopped treatment and meds. For whatever reason, last year things really seemed to spiral out of control and I just felt I needed someone to talk to. Now, here I am with a completely new diagnosis and just feeling completely hopeless and helpless.

I haven't always been the most outgoing person, but at the same time I tried my best to always fit in wherever I was. Now I feel nothing, like I just want to be left alone and not be a bother to anyone but myself. I'm scared of what my life has become. What will happen if my employer finds out because I need time off for more intense treatment? What about the embarrassment to my family? All those things keep going through my head.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

It sounds like you're having some mild depression. Or maybe your emotions are stunted from meds. That happens to me. I can't cry for anything anymore.

It freaks me out for some reason, as if there's no more life to live because I'm emotionally exhausted.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you are going through this.

Some really good posts above from our friends here.

From what I have read over time, you write about your parents inability to validate you and aspects of your life. This can be very painful.

You've just seen your parents for an extended period.

How do you handle the lack of validation?
I am guessing some of your parents' comments and behaviors are hurtful.
What do you do in response to the "hurt?"
Do you maybe get hurt, then angry and shut down, putting a lid on your own emotions?

Sometimes, meds can contribute to blunting our affect.

Sometimes we subconsciously choose to blunt our own emotions because:
- it's less painful to "blunt" or to "stuff" emotions than to feel them, or
- we are fearful of what might happen should we fully feel our emotions, or
- past attempts at expressing our emotions have not gone well, or
- we simply have not learned to identify and how to handle our emotions, or
- due to some other reason entirely.

When we don't know what will happen if we feel our emotions, we may fear them. Shutting down, "numbness," can feel like "safety" from the unknown.

Trouble is, over time, "numbness" keeps us, and those around us, stuck in a non-rewarding (usually unhealthy) pattern.

Do you journal? Sometimes journaling can help us to identify, express, sort feelings.

Is it possible, if you'd otherwise feel overwhelmed right now, that "numbness" is keeping you feeling more safe?

I recall you've been searching for a compatible therapist and pdoc. Have you been able to find these resources? If so, are you moving toward a closer relationship(s) with these providers?

You deserve to feel heard.
You deserve validation.

You deserve to feel as though your parents "believe in you."

We all need to feel heard and validated.
We all need support.

Please keep reaching out.
We believe in you.
Let us help to support you during this trying time.


WC

Thank you for this. I am just numb and not sure where or what triggered it. Maybe you are right that it was the visit to my parents and the comments that were made by my dad. I have tried journaling in the past but feel like whatever I write never makes any sense, so I stopped.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

Thank you for this. I am just numb and not sure where or what triggered it. Maybe you are right that it was the visit to my parents and the comments that were made by my dad. I have tried journaling in the past but feel like whatever I write never makes any sense, so I stopped.

Journaling may appear to make "no sense," as often emotions flow, instead of logic.

It's possible a mix of things trigger "numbness."
Your recent visit home may have added to the mix.
You have a lot going on, much to try to deal with right now.
The numbness may be protecting you from some, otherwise, strong feelings.
It's entirely okay if it is protecting you right now. It just feels "blah."
"Blah" can beat feeling "overwhelmed with emotion."

Be gentle and kind to yourself.


WC

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Journaling may appear to make "no sense," as often emotions flow, instead of logic.

It's possible a mix of things trigger "numbness."
Your recent visit home may have added to the mix.
You have a lot going on, much to try to deal with right now.
The numbness may be protecting you from some, otherwise, strong feelings.
It's entirely okay if it is protecting you right now. It just feels "blah."
"Blah" can beat feeling "overwhelmed with emotion."

Be gentle and kind to yourself.


WC

Thank you

[JustJace2u]

Going to therapy today and then IOP afterwards, not really looking forward to it since I feel like I'm in such a bad place right now.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

Going to therapy today and then IOP afterwards, not really looking forward to it since I feel like I'm in such a bad place right now.

I hope you leave both therapy and IOP feeling glad you'd attended?


WC

[Wild Coyote]

You are quiet.

I hope you are okay.

Just checking in on you.


WC

I'm so sorry you are suffering so terribly right now JustJace. I often relate to how you are feeling. You have received some wonderful answers, insights and suggestions. I have nothing to add as everyone has said it better than I could.

Let us know how IP works out for you. I hope it provided you with the support you need right now.