[raspberrytorte]

My husband is holding my meds for me right now.

Right now we live with his parents who own a dog kennel. He had my meds hidden at the shop. I like going there in the morning to visit our cats and let them out. I like going by myself because our daughter gets bored after five minutes and wants to go back to the house and I like staying with our cats for a half hour at least.

Today I found my meds. I took out eight gabapentins because right now my anxiety IS MAKING ME GO INSANE. It's so bad. I have this cloud of dread over my head all of the time. I can't stand it!

I didn't take them. I was just going to save them for when things get really bad. I didn't take them out to kill myself or anything (obviously! I didn't take enough out!).

I came clean with my husband about it because I'm incapable of hiding anything from him.

Now he's disappointed in me because I actively tried to find my meds, but I was just curious if I'd be able to find them. It's not my fault he had them hidden in a really obvious spot!

I told him that I want to have my meds back! He said no. We had an in depth discussion about it. He doesn't think I can have them back because I'm impulsive.

I told him I want them back!!!!!!!

I CAN'T STAND MY ANXIETY ANY LONGER!!!!!!!!!

He said that we needed to talk to my pdoc about it and do what she wants. I told him that my pdoc is completely useless and all she wants to do is change my AP and doesn't care about my anxiety.

And he said he's not going to let me go down to the shop by myself anymore. I like visiting our cats in the morning by myself. It's relaxing. This sucks!

Should I not have my meds back?

Should my husband be disappointed in me?

He said I have zero insight.

He said I do not understand the severity of my situation.

He said he IS NOT going to let me have my meds back!

[Moose72]

So what was the arrangement about using your anxiety med? No plan? That's a problem I think.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Moose72

So what was the arrangement about using your anxiety med? No plan? That's a problem I think.

I am prescribed 600mg to take four times a day. My husband wants me to be completely med compliant, but my pdoc is useless! What am I supposed to do?! I can't handle my anxiety. It's literally making me go insane.

[zijax]

I don't know what your track record is with your meds. Have you ever taken too many before? Is that why your husband holds them? If so, have you been stable for a period of time now that you feel capable of handling your meds yourself so that it's now time to discuss this with your husband? He's controlling because underneath he's afraid if he doesn't things will get out of control like they must have done once. You may need time to prove to him that you are trustworthy.

[Moose72]

Does your husband know you can't cold turkey anti anxiety meds?

[Nammu]

You kinda of proved your husband right by impulsively taking 8 pills. Telling yourself that it's his fault you found the pills is not the reasoning of someone who's ready to be responsible for taking meds as prescribed. As hard as this is right now what they are trying to do is keep you safe.

[Victoria'smom]

can you take an over the counter antihistamine on top of your current meds? can you switch your pdoc? DH keeps my meds when I'm impulsive. Your husband shouldn't be disappointed but if it was my husband he wouldn't give me my meds back if I found my meds and stashed some.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by zijax

I don't know what your track record is with your meds. Have you ever taken too many before? Is that why your husband holds them? If so, have you been stable for a period of time now that you feel capable of handling your meds yourself so that it's now time to discuss this with your husband? He's controlling because underneath he's afraid if he doesn't things will get out of control like they must have done once. You may need time to prove to him that you are trustworthy.

I admittedly have an impulsive pill taking problem. I've overdosed four times. But I want them now because I can't stand my anxiety and don't see the problem with taking an extra one if I'm completely freaking out! I only have gabapentin for my anxiety because my doctor is completely worthless! If I take enough gabapentin it actually works.

And yes, I've been stable for awhile now. Except for my anxiety.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Does your husband know you can't cold turkey anti anxiety meds?

I'm still taking them. He just gives me what I'm supposed to take each day.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

can you take an over the counter antihistamine on top of your current meds? can you switch your pdoc? DH keeps my meds when I'm impulsive. Your husband shouldn't be disappointed but if it was my husband he wouldn't give me my meds back if I found my meds and stashed some.

But I was honest. I literally told him two hours later what I'd done.

I haven't tried an antihistamine. Maybe I should. Would that help? I don't see how that would help.

I would switch pdocs but I live IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. There are no pdocs around here. It's so bad I have a skype pdoc. I can't even get an in person one.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

After I was admitted with a suicide plan with intent my meds were kept from me for nearly 2 years until both my therapist and pdoc felt safe letting me have them. I didn't have anyone to hold my meds for me so they were kept in a locked box that my therapist held the key to. My pill box was kept in a box with a combination lock to slow me down if I got impulsive at my house and every week I took the locked box with me to my therapist who let me get a week's meds out. I lived with my mom for a while during that time and they had her lock OTC meds up then too. This was a therapist and pdoc I had been seeing for many years and had good, solid relationships with. And I had never taken pills against directions at all. There was even a time I wasn't allowed in the OTC med area of a store at all because I wasn't safe.

I think proving you are safe to have meds and that you are 100% compliant is a good thing. Frustrating. I remember how frustrating and what a big deal it was when first my therapist didn't watch me actually count each med and later when I was allowed 2 weeks of meds at a time.

I know that's not what you want to hear but looking back I needed all that time to become really safe again and I am glad they were so cautious with me.

Could your husband lock your meds up or keep them somewhere else so you can still go visit your cats? I just used a toolbox with a padlock and it was pretty secure.

[Victoria'smom]

See if you can take benadril with your meds. it's like Vistaril/aterax. I didn't mean you weren't honest just if I did anything but leave the meds there and tell him to rehide them my husband wouldn't give them back to me. does pdoc know he's holding your meds? are you in therapy? More then once my T has told my H to stop protecting me from me. That in doing so he's pushing me away hard. There are times I don't see how sick I am and my old team told my husband that he has to let them deal with it. New T doesn't even want him holding/giving me meds. If I can't do it myself I should be IOP, PHP, or IP.

[bizi]

I did not know that neurontin was used for anxiety.
Yes I would try benadryl for anxiety.
bizi

[misscath007]

Perhaps he is only trying to help. If you impulsively take medication resulting in an overdose that is a problem. Do you have a therapist to help you deal with the anxiety?

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

After I was admitted with a suicide plan with intent my meds were kept from me for nearly 2 years until both my therapist and pdoc felt safe letting me have them. I didn't have anyone to hold my meds for me so they were kept in a locked box that my therapist held the key to. My pill box was kept in a box with a combination lock to slow me down if I got impulsive at my house and every week I took the locked box with me to my therapist who let me get a week's meds out. I lived with my mom for a while during that time and they had her lock OTC meds up then too. This was a therapist and pdoc I had been seeing for many years and had good, solid relationships with. And I had never taken pills against directions at all. There was even a time I wasn't allowed in the OTC med area of a store at all because I wasn't safe.

I think proving you are safe to have meds and that you are 100% compliant is a good thing. Frustrating. I remember how frustrating and what a big deal it was when first my therapist didn't watch me actually count each med and later when I was allowed 2 weeks of meds at a time.

I know that's not what you want to hear but looking back I needed all that time to become really safe again and I am glad they were so cautious with me.

Could your husband lock your meds up or keep them somewhere else so you can still go visit your cats? I just used a toolbox with a padlock and it was pretty secure.

Thank you, rainbow.

I'm not sure where he could keep them so I'd still be able to visit the cats by myself. We'll talk about it later today.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

See if you can take benadril with your meds. it's like Vistaril/aterax. I didn't mean you weren't honest just if I did anything but leave the meds there and tell him to rehide them my husband wouldn't give them back to me. does pdoc know he's holding your meds? are you in therapy? More then once my T has told my H to stop protecting me from me. That in doing so he's pushing me away hard. There are times I don't see how sick I am and my old team told my husband that he has to let them deal with it. New T doesn't even want him holding/giving me meds. If I can't do it myself I should be IOP, PHP, or IP.

Thank you for the benadryl idea. I'm going to try that today. I hope it helps. Vistaril didn't do anything when I was on that. All it did was help my seasonal allergies.

I doubt my pdoc knows anything really. She's useless.

I'm in therapy. My therapist knows he's holding them for me.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by misscath007

Perhaps he is only trying to help. If you impulsively take medication resulting in an overdose that is a problem. Do you have a therapist to help you deal with the anxiety?

I have a therapist. She's given me some good ideas to help with my anxiety, but I still get anxiety overwhelmed.

[hopeless2015]

I'm glad you told your husband but I think the fact that you immediately took extras out means you have to be so careful right now. Hugs to you and I know that you will get this worked out. I'm sorry your anxiety is so bad right now....your pdoc should be working to help you out with this. HUGS

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

I'm glad you told your husband but I think the fact that you immediately took extras out means you have to be so careful right now. Hugs to you and I know that you will get this worked out. I'm sorry your anxiety is so bad right now....your pdoc should be working to help you out with this. HUGS

thanks, hopeless. I wish my pdoc cared about my anxiety. All she cares about is switching my AP for whatever reason!

[Shazerac]

You were honest 2 hours AFTER you took the pills. I could see how your husband would be upset and frightened. I hold my own meds, but I tell my husband when I take them everyday. I also tell him when I have to take an as needed med or when I adjust my meds with the ok of my Pdoc. This helps him feel that I am safe. I feel bad for him sometimes because having a wife with mental illness must be a scary thing. But he is my rock. He asks me everyday if I am ok and if there is anything he can do to help. He was with me in the dark times when I was not on meds so he's glad I'm on them now

I think you should be more assertive with your pdoc about anxiety. If you are to the point of self medicating then you are not in a safe place.

((((Raspberry)))

I think your husband should keep an eye on your meds for a little while. I hope your doctor can help you with the anxiety somehow. Anxiety is a killer. (((Hugs)))

[raspberrytorte]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I bought some benadryl and it seems to help. I also just joined a gym, which has helped.

And I've decided it's best my husband holds my meds, even if I want them!