Trying to do more-but faking not being depressed

I feel stressed and low grade long term depression.
My husband comes home from work every other month. He's home now. I'm trying to do more. Act like I'm handling life better.
When I'm alone who cares if I don't shower. Or get up. My caretaker comes once a week,but the rest of the time I'm free to be as low as a snakes belly.
Is it better? This fake it till you make it act?
It is exhausting. Pretending I'm doing better than I am.

It's tough to fake it!
I do this, too!

My husband is home a lot, as his schedule allows him a lot of time at home.
Sometimes, I'd like a day to not "push" all of the time. Sometimes I take such a day because I just cannot push any further.


WC

I'm a big faker too! I feel like I have to be for my kids. It is so,so hard. All I wanna do is sit on the couch, watchtv and nap on and off. Depressive episodes are the absolute worst. Hang in there...We are all with you.

Fake it till you make it, that's my motto.

It's exhausting trying to appear stable and normal and happy. I expend an enormous amount of energy doing this. I find that I must have down time. I have to be good to myself in that way or I might go get a frigging bottle of bourbon-no good. Today I blew off by bf, didn't answer the phone, am holing up in my little cottage with food, smokes, paints for my art, waiting on a big snow storm, with me, myself and I. And it feels pretty good to put on pajamas at 3 o 'clock in the afternoon. I've been running hard this vacation, my children left today and I just have to recoup. Maybe you could tell hubby you just need some down time to rest. I think we have to be transparent in communication with our partners if possible. It is hard but hey, we are who we are. You've got needs. We bipolars are rather fragile. We have to go easy on ourselves and not push too hard when that little voice says no.

I agree with you. It's exhausting trying to put on a smile and act as if everything is ok when you know it really isn't.

Like someone else said...Fake it til you make it

What are your bipolar resources? Do you have a talk therapist? Sometimes there are triggers that can make our depression worse, and talking it out can be helpful. Take solace in your nightly sleep if you are able to sleep without difficulty. Be open with your husband about your illness. You two should be in this together. How long have you felt low-grade depressed? Maybe try keeping a mood diary of your moods from day to day so you can show your psychiatrist next visit. And keep track of your attitudes as well (attitude toward doing the dishes, cleaning, talking to friends). When all we have is depression, sometimes having some objective data to look at and plot out can be helpful. Then you can also see patterns in your moods that may be helpful for managing treatment. Keep on being strong! Like everyone said, keep pushing!

Hey Ocean,
If it's not going to help, why disclose?. Do the best you can with what you got. Luv.

Thanks guys.
Oh I'm so transparent with hubby I'm like see through.
I do need to be careful as he holds the key to my freedom. Been ip mucho. Have had BP all my life.
This last bout of lowness is on tail end of the ECT.

My whole life is a big fake act...I was diagnosed w/ Bipolar I w/ Depression in September. Ever since then I've been pretending that I'm getting "healthier" and feeling more "balanced."

The reality, though, is that I miss the mania. I miss that freedom, and zest for life. Now waking up everyday is a drudgerous task. I have been unemployed for 6 months, living at home, trying to rebuild my marriage.

Coming down from mania is like being the victim of a cruel joke: you thought you were a hero, but in reality are a big fat zero.

Oh well, gotta get back to job hunting and "faking" interest in all these positions that are well below my true intellect and capability. I have to take low stress jobs that won't trigger mania like the last 5.