Is it an episode or am I just human?

I am just in this strange, strange state of mind lately.

Sort of wired and hyped up, but at the same time I fall into deep gloom.

Haven't slept too well this year, because... well, too much on my mind. Especially since that meeting of my "social bubble" people where everybody was just way pessimistic, but determined at the same time. Consensus was that nothing can be done, we all so over... but let's try anyways, okay?

I am in "I will die young" mode, not even sure why I bother anymore. Well, at least I will try to enjoy the time I have left (I oddly find enjoyment in things like... winter with actual snow lately) and stay true till the end.
But it's awful way to think.

Not sure what to do with myself. I don't even think this is bipolar related, it's more traumatized thinking likely... or maybe, maybe... just being realistic. But if I am... how to deal with THAT?

Wish I knew. Interested to see ideas. I literally just got home from a therapy appointment where this came up. What can one do when major stressors -- over which one has no control (and they have high potential for negatively life-changing consequences) are bearing down? Without disintegrating, that is...

Unfortunately, we didn't go too much into solutions, except that trying to annilate them probably won't work.

Let's hope there is a way. For all our sakes.

I have some of the same stuff going on---somewhat depressed, irritable, anxious, agitated, and a little paranoid. It feels like a mild mixed episode and I HATE those. The past two days have been a bit better though and I think maybe I'm coming out of it. I hope you feel better soon.

I am in "I will die young" mode, not even sure why I bother anymore. Well, at least I will try to enjoy the time I have left (I oddly find enjoyment in things like... winter with actual snow lately) and stay true till the end.
But it's awful way to think.

I spent my early life "knowing" I would be dead by my 33rd birthday ... think messiah ... I really believed that ... and lived my life accordingly ... even when it did not happen it was all I could think about ... not depressed more obsessed ... I lost many years of my life because it was to end soon so what was the point ... after my ip at 55 my life has changed so drastically ... again I am losing years of my life needlessly ... what I am trying to say is to live life to the full ... if you fill your life to 110% when it does come crashing down you will have no regrets ... after all not a one of us really knows if we will wake up tomorrow morning ... cherry thought right ... your young ... live life with every ounce of strenght you can muster ... otherwise you will look back like I have and see all the experiences you missed ... just my 2 cents worth .. Tigger .

I don't think there is anything " wrong" with how you're feeling .

Life is up and down in the middle , least is for me.

Ones reality isn't like anyone else's.

The situations you deal with are so unlike anything here in the USA ( thus far) that I have front and center, I am amazed that you manage so well.

I don't think I'll get another 5 years ...why?!? I dunno gut feeling I think.

I think I just rambled

Sounds like a mixed episode. Pretty much most of my episodes are "mixed" according to my pdoc. It sucks.

I think you suffer more because you are so well informed and you actually care about what is going on. Mixed in with depressive bipolar episodes and down you go to a place that is dark. Enjoying the little things in life is the ideal way to stay alive and maybe even enjoy it.
Most people are so apathetic that they don't know or even care about the serious things going on in the world.

I am fairly well informed and a very sensitive person so I have been suffering a lot from what I have come to call War Stress Disorder and it does cause me great mental and physical stress. Sometimes it's tough to care when no one else does, I feel like quitting my ongoing search for the truth and to just become another sheep in the flock, but I know I can't actually do that.

I hope that all made sense I have not had any sleep for a while because of the above.

Well... if I discover it, I shall record it for future generations. Maybe the past generation have to something to say about this... but where to find that, ha.

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

Oh, I am living well, I think. In a way it's actually liberating (and it has became jokes among my friends to use WWIII as excuse not to care about calories and healthy eating... or saving money rather then buying pretty nailpolishes and travelling to places).

Just... I wish I could not obsess so much. Be more "well let the future happen" instead of going on through apocalypse scenarios in my bed at times when I should be sleeping.

it's just not helping anything.

I don't know how I manage either. Except drinking with my friends and knowing I am doing the right thing.

(so I am not even sure if i am going to hell or not lol)

With my friends we have a joke "Well... we are saving the western civilization... but sometimes we ask ourselves WHY? WHAT FOR?"

(I am not trying to sound pompous... I have been actually told that about "saving the western civilization" compliment by a Russian dissident... soo....)

It's funny how some random people put so much friends on us. Like... we are people too. We just cannot be "whatevz" about things. But... we don't have superpowers. Maybe join us? Would feel less scary and lonely in larger crowd.

(deleted - I replied to the wrong post)